“Okay, so I have this friend
And her boyfriend tells her
Many things
One of which
Include those three words:
I love you
But then he goes,
This boyfriend,
He kisses someone else
What should this friend do?”
I ask.

“That’s easy,” says the counselor.
Then she continues to say this:
Take this advice
Get some revenge
Give him a taste
Of that which he let go
Make it very clear
Let him know
That you,
I mean your friend,
Is something he will
Regret letting go

“Revenge?” I ask.

The counselor leans towards me
And continues to tell me this:
Yes, it is simple
Flatten his tires
Or cut all his brakes
Whatever you do
Make sure there is no proof
But a hot girlfriend
Who pretends to weep
And then says,
‘The last words he told me
They were,’
Make sure you,
I mean your friend,
Sniffles as she says all this
Then dramatically says,
‘I love you.’

“Thank you so much
Your advice has really helped me,
I mean,
My friend,”
I respond
With a glint
In my eyes.

Open your eyes
And please begin
To see me clearly
Here I stand
In front
Of you
And only you

I'm willing to
Give it all
Or nothing at all
To you
And only you

Don't you realize
What this means?
Put simply
I'm in love
With you
And only you

I have a question
Do you love me?
I am sorry
That was dumb
When it gets late
Do you desire to hold me?
In your arms?
When you finally fall asleep
Am I the last face
You see in your mind?
Upon opening your eyes
In the morning
Am I like a flower blooming
Giving you reason to
Keep breathing?
If not
That is okay
I can not say  
I feel that way
This could be just
A cruel test
To get you to shout your love
And put my selfish heart at rest
Though those feelings to you
I do or do not return
Even so
Answer my first question
I need to know
When an invite says plus one
You already are dialing
Me at home
Where I may or may not
Anxiously wait by the phone
So kindly answer
When the rain beats down on your roof
Do you wish it was me?  
You were able to hold tight?
Because I may or may not desire
To hold you
When I catch a fright
Either way I need to know
The answer
To one question
Do you love me?
Please say yes
…and/or no

Caught in the middle
It is where I find myself now
I love you
And I also love him
Why do you force me
Into a boxing match that I cannot win
Doesn't anyone care about me?
You say I cannot understand
The feud goes far beyond my bounds
Still I am in this collective net
Cut me free
Then you can speak of how
I will never understand
I have listened to enough
I know enough to know
I am caught in the middle
I am pulled taut
In a battle that is not my own
You dragged me in
To watch the punches fly
Sometimes I wish
I could shrivel and die
I love you both
Is that not enough,
Not okay?
I cannot chose just one
Because when it comes
Down to it
I am just a child
Stuck in the whirlwind
Of years of misplaced words
And anger I cannot agree is right
For either of you
So cut me free
And fight your own battles
And allow me
To have my own separate life

I am only eighteen
What do I know of love?
Never been kissed
Or known what it is like
To be so missed
That upon his return
I am swept into his arms
And he is so glad
That I did not fall to harm
In his absence
I may not know
The feelings that
Might appear
But that does not mean
I am naïve to these feelings
Slowly building inside of me
I see his face
And my heart begins to race
Some might call it a crush
Maybe so
I am in no rush
To discover if these feelings
Will be returned
Or if my heart will be stomped
And left to beat into dirt
I am not too young
To realize I might
Very well need him
And this first taste of love
Or just a fiery crush
It scares me
But despite my age
And the fear
I need to know
If this is love
Or just a young woman’s
Pathetic crush

Why do you seem to hate me?
Is self hatred not enough?
I do not need your feelings towards me too
I can handle it on my own
One’s worth of bitter swirls
Of sharp and pointed words
Are way past enough
The daily equivalent
Of an unbalanced diet
Maybe you do not realize
What passes through my head
The part of me that sometimes
Thinks it would be easier if I was no more
That denies the selfishness of the act
Despite the fact
No matter how much hate
I know there are some
That love and care for me
And my death would tear apart
But it hurts so much to think
You are only using me
I am good enough to do this and that
But never good enough
To make you prideful
That I am your born from your *****
Instead one-hundred and ten
Is never enough
You want every last morsel
Of my attempts and efforts
Why am I never good enough?
I want to get along
But I can not simply watch
As your missiles pelt my skin all over
And break my heart
Or fill my mind
With an addendum of scorching lies
Like you it is in my nature
To fight back when I am fired at
You must call the battle off
Because I can not back down
Every time I have tried to drop my shield
To let us be on good terms for once
You have taken advantage
Of the opening in my armor
What does it matter though?
I have been fighting the bullets for so long
More than you know has gotten through
I am more broken than you realize
A surrender is not on the horizon
I will not give up the fight
Instead the bullets fired
By both outside and inside threats
Will have to bring me to my end
So stop the war now
If you love me in the least
Stop pretending you are like the other’s
And be what your title says you are
I need you to build me up
Even though it is you
That assisted in tearing me down
Because no matter what
It is your approval
That I seek
Every single night in my dreams
And in the day
So pretty please
Show me that you love me
Before I give up all hope
And you are embarrassed
That your only female offspring
Has been destroyed
And you held one piece of the key
To lock the new armor
And start her over anew

Here I am
I seem to be
Dreaming about you
Filling my heart with you
Letting my mind
Bury thoughts of you so deep inside
These feelings
They ebb and flow
They will not subside
Is it possible..?
No no no
But could it be true..?
Maybe so
I am falling
Deeply in love with you
And you do not even
Seem to be aware
Or return my hopeless glances
You are dating someone new
Say it is not the reality
But I have seen the pics
In this equation
One plus one
Does not equal
You and me

Passionate you are
But patience you do not seem to possess
You're not willing to accept
My heart, mind, and body
Are not yet ready
If we began it all now
I'm so afraid it will all be premature
Your lack of patience
Is so very immature
The way I see it
I am worth the wait
If we are meant to be, truly
Then we are worth the wait
So stop the clock
And when I am ready
Let it all go and we begin
In time you can see
What He has in store
Right now it seems so far away
But in the right frame of mind and time
So sublime

On A snowy day
My heart took flight
I am not sure
If those feelings that I felt
Were completely right
With love you may never know
One day
What you feel is so right
Then years later
Your soul and heart break apart
Then that love you knew
Is lost in the blizzard
You are left with a cold frozen heart
But on that snowy day
My heart took flight
No matter if the love would last
Or like the winter
Was only a season
To come in a flash
And cause awkward stumbles and firsts
Then move out of sight
Either way
That day I fell in love
And no matter
If I can know the probability that it will last
I choose to love
And be loved back
Because like winter
Among all the fright
There is beauty all around
And warmth to be found
Somewhere just beyond it all
So I choose love
However long it chooses me

Sometimes I wish
That you and I were together
Like this
Because I can not resist
Fulfilling your every wish
And then isn’t this the twist?
That you and I
Could be together
Like the bird and the feather
Or the cold and warm attached to the weather
Being apart like this
Did you know that,
I stare at you from afar?
We weren’t meant to be friends
Or like brother and sister of kin
We were more meant to be
Suddenly like this
Total bliss
It’s what I wish

tellin’ me what you had to do
when right now i cant really care
speakin’ to me about what i have to do
how you went through this and that
when i have only experienced that
yeah, what you are doing is hard
but i did all this and it was harder
i know these things
but right now i
do not want to listen
i have lost my ability to comprehend things
I know it seems a lazy way to do things
but i am so tired
of doing things i know i have to do
if i want to be somebody
if i want to be able to be anybody
in this world
but right now
the wrong feelings of motivation are inside of me
there is no motivation inside of me
no one understands this side of me
this side wants to be alone
it does not want to answer the phone
it does not want to do things that will help in the long run
it only desires some short term fun
so leave a message
hopefully i will take a listen later
i will be willing to hear you out
i will not sit and pout as you spout
i have gone through this and that
together you say we could figure it all out
right now you need to understand
that it has all crashed over me
and the motivation has temporarily leaked outside of me
with the tide it will come back in
but right now
it seems so much easier without
remember i am sorry
for the angry things i may have mumbled or shouted
i know you care
but right now i am without a care in the world
or at least willing to hide from it
this poem is just the sum of it
know i love you
and one day
i will take your advice and my common sense
and i will make a difference
the world will be a better place
i will no longer be stuck stagnant
success and i are a magnet
the poles are just currently flipped
and push apart
but like what goes up comes down
i will turn one around
and all my judgement will once again become sound

Run and run
But never reach
The ending that
I have dreamt
Have seemed to live
Over and over in my head
It is you and me
No matter how
I primp and preen
Your eyes are drawn to see
Her and her and her
Ever heard?
The sound of my heart
Barely beating at it breaks
As you gaze
At her and her and her
Hey you!
Do not you feel?
The goosebumps I get
When you walk
By and "bye" I sigh
Standing unnoticed
You stare at her and her and her
Can not you smell?
The scent of my perfume
I put it on just
To possibly be noticed
Yet you breathe in the aroma
Of her and her and her
Do you taste that?
The flavor of my tears
They fall and fall
In a puddle right here
I am more
Than she will ever be
I was made for
Following you
My greatest asset in this war
After all
Is fair in love and
When cupid throws his bow
I am pointing his way
Love is in the air
You gaze through
The fog it creates
And feel the breeze of
Her and her and her
And never me

Maybe memory
Is my biggest enemy
The hurt they caused
When a phrase I read
Causes me to pause
And remember the hurt within
That awful time when
I caused myself the most damage
Words that came out thoughtless and rude
But what hurts the most
Is the good memories always fade
While day by day
The bad are pressed into my mind
And somehow
I allow them to stay
I just want to forget
Even with the knowledge
That they had a part in who I am
Today
They have shaped me
Sometimes created self-hatred
But when it is all said and done
Maybe my greatest enemy
Is also my closest friend

There are so many things in life
That can make you not like yourself very much
If you let them
The problem is
Once you’re at that point
It can be so hard to turn back
Every word
Can start to sound dissembling
Words meant to be esteem builders
Can find a way to tear you down
Once your self esteem has been battered down a bit
It’s hard to smooth out the chinks
In the armor
Sometimes you can build it back up again
But other times the battle has taken so much
That the new material
Is only thread and tissue paper
The façade is so weak
But most of the world does not see
How hard you have to try
To protect all that is underneath
You dig for strength from within
Now you see
Those walls too
Are turning paper thin
Take it a step at a time
Like layers of skin
Building up after a bad abrasion
One layer can’t stand much on its own
When they coalesce however
They can be as strong as wood
It could be a million strikes of an ax
Before all is cut and broken

My version of a poem
Starts with a verb
Or some word that is utterly absurd
Some rhymed lines
Interesting adverbs and adjectives
Thoughts and feelings on every line
My feelings don't rhyme
Why should every single line?
In mine
Every line a different season
Different feelings will show
Sometimes they stay
Other times they pack up and go
I never know
So I jot them down as they flow

Words are my specialty
I control the flow
Fast or slow
Acidic and biting deep
Get rid of them fast
My brain commands my tongue
They’re poison to the body
And those around me
Try to get rid of them
And for a while
They seem to be gone
They’re only hidden
Ready to attack
The fastest way to destroy
People around me
I watch them shrivel
At the same time
It makes me feel stronger
It disgusts me
What have I become?
Sometimes they come out
Not what I meant them to be
I hope they’re not truly me
Don’t let the words consume me
That is not
Not who I want to be

Fill in the blanks:
I really_ you?
Do you too?
Multiple choice:
If I said I liked you
Would you...
A) Say the same
B) Run away
C) Or pretend I didn’t say anything?
Short answer:
Will you ever respond to this?
Or should I just ball it up
And throw it away.

Say you’re sorry
I know it was in the past
But the words you said today
They last and last
So abrasive
You called me a fool
And when I volley back
You said, “I am an adult
and you are a child.”
Well, you want some respect
Forget that
You told her you hit
And you get hit back
So what were your words
But a punch in the gut?
You tell me to get out
Of your face
No chance for me
To defend myself
You yell your loudest
Until I am lost in the sound
So I write this poem here
For a chance to speak
For a chance to defend myself
And you know the saddest part?
As in the past I will apologise
After I wipe tears from my eyes
And stew in the hurt from the fight
You will accept it
But no apology will be returned
Because you are the adult
And I am but a child
And everyone knows
That the parent never
Has to say they’re sorry
I’m sure that comes
From the Bible
But what about
I Timothy 4:12?
Maybe you should
Take a look
I’ll say it now
And later to you
I am sorry
I brought up the past
Like I said for me
It lasts and lasts
But you know the reason
The reminder still bothers you
Because you feel the guilt
So maybe I was wrong
But you were too
But the real difference
Between you and I
Age is an important number
But the real difference
Is I will say I'm sorry
And you..?

Hey, wasn’t that you
That I saw yesterday
Who passed me by?
In the fruit aisle
I was sure you saw me
I was by the green grapes
Where you took a few and ate
Do stolen grapes make you blind?
To the people who are standing nearby
I’ve always been there
Waiting in the background
For you to say hi
Or at least bump me when you walk by
Instead I get nothing
But the satisfaction that comes
From watching you eat
Stolen grapes

So high
If I jumped
I might even reach the sky
Then come back and touch my toes
Those thoughts don’t reach me now
I am high as a kite
And light as a feather
I have broken free
From the shackles
They had bound
My hands and feet
I dug within
I found my strength
I have broken free
Don’t try to limit me
Not even the sky’s my limit
I can do anything
I have found someone
Always at my side
Even when I hid
In the darkness
Where His light does not go
Not without a plead
To be set free
An agreement to bow
At his feet
Where he lifts me up
I am so high
I could fill a balloon
Then still return before noon
I have found my freedom
He has given me the will
And the will is free
I accept it
I am tired of thoughts
That tell me I am worthless
The people that
Refuse to understand me
Who don’t want to
Properly meet me
So high
I feel I can fly
And return with a sigh
This landing is not permanent
The world is my oyster
And the heavens my pearl
He has claimed me
Back into his arms
I will float
It has always been my home
Even if for a short time
I chose a trashed motel
Hear my voice!
Can you hear the patter
Of my heart?
As he brings
It to a brilliant restart
Why settle for less?
When I can have the best
Hear me now
I need you forever
No matter what tries
To pull me away
You are my lifeline
And I refuse to ever let go
Hear these words
I am yours forever
So high
I hit the stratosphere
And continued farther to space
And made it my
Permanent home
But I will wait here
As He prepares my home there

Try to be impervious
To all the words
Those people say
When my back is turned
But my ears are still there
They wonder why
I speak the way I do
Or why
In their words
I’m just plain strange
So what if I’m different
I wake up as human as them everyday
I just choose not to conform
To me
Conformity equals loss of individuality
Total mediocrity
I say
Different is so much better than average
I choose to be the maverick
So I’m impenetrable
Their words fly by me
I don’t even bother
To say hey

Sadie must have been a lady
Who got tired of waiting and waiting
For a prince to come
Or really just anyone
To give her the time of day
And say hey
Wanna dance Saturday night?
You and I would make quite the sight
But, no, they tapped their chins and debated
So, Sadie's desire for a date was not abated
Instead she took matters into her control
And that's why girls ask boys to the Winter Formal

The wrath of too soon
A sweet flower plucked before mid June
A song sung
Before the chorus was written
A child’s hands frostbitten
Without the chance of a mitten

I’m afraid of too soon
I’d rap myself in a cocoon
If that could hide me
From the pain
Of abandoned too soon

But forever would never be
Quite good enough
Never today
Because I will always prefer tomorrow
And tomorrow always becomes today
So my response will always be do not go

Goodbye will never flow easily
Those words always stuck on my lips
Maybe I could write it with a pen
But my fingertips will never save me
Please, don’t leave me

Prayer always saves me
Eases the fear when that seems to be all I’ve got
Don’t know if I can say goodbye
But his peace never runs dry
He’ll be there when
… they die.

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words will never hurt me?
You are so right
Instead they tear at my confidence
I feel utterly defeated
But the worse part is
These words
The ones that now circle in my head
Like vultures quickly to the dead
They originated in my own head
Words I began to say to myself
And decided they had the invitation to stay forever
Oh, it breaks my heart
How can I ask them to leave?
When I am the one
Who invited them over to play

I’m not ready to stop going steady
I want the warmth
But not the humidity
This is my unpredictable city
Cold hold me tight
But only for a season's worth of nights
I don’t want a full year
Of winters icy frights
Make it as I say
And I truly promise
I will never ever go