Eye lashes flicker
a shared urgent interest
parting - dancing smile


.

I was hoping that what I feared the most
would retreat into the darkest corners...
of my mind,
hide themselves in space and time
so they would never
double cross me.

But even in the blackest hole
their presence haunted me nightly,
and as the tears stained my soul
I kept welcoming the pain
because I wanted you.

Everything should have been fine
but we fell somewhere and,
you forgot to help me up.
Had I the strength, I would have
carried you all the way
but you turned out to be dead weight.

The light of day
couldn't warm my smile,
couldn't break the ice
or break the vice
that squeezed the life from me.

I embraced this pain waiting and wishing
for a better day,
when you would finally say
"I love you," and mean it,
when you would finally stay and mean it.

But all this time, all these days
you slowly, slowly slipped away
because you could never say what you need to say,
to my face.

It was like staring at the sun too long
how you blindsided me,
with the smile on your face
but really you wanted me to go away
you weren't strong and you weren't brave.

To tell me this,
you had to wait
you had to lie
to keep my heart intact
one more time.

And all of this doesn't make a difference,
shouldn't make a difference,
but it does...
now I just regret being in love.

Now I just regret,
all the time that I spent
and the things that I did,
and the energy I took to make it right
when all this time....
Our love just slowly faded into the night.

The rain set early in tonight,
      The sullen wind was soon awake,
It tore the elm-tops down for spite,
      And did its worst to vex the lake:
      I listened with heart fit to break.
When glided in Porphyria; straight
      She shut the cold out and the storm,
And kneeled and made the cheerless grate
      Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;
      Which done, she rose, and from her form
Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,
      And laid her soiled gloves by, untied
Her hat and let the damp hair fall,
      And, last, she sat down by my side
      And called me. When no voice replied,
She put my arm about her waist,
      And made her smooth white shoulder bare,
And all her yellow hair displaced,
      And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,
      And spread, o’er all, her yellow hair,
Murmuring how she loved me—she
      Too weak, for all her heart’s endeavor,
To set its struggling passion free
      From pride, and vainer ties dissever,
      And give herself to me forever.
But passion sometimes would prevail,
      Nor could tonight’s gay feast restrain
A sudden thought of one so pale
      For love of her, and all in vain:
      So, she was come through wind and rain.
Be sure I looked up at her eyes
      Happy and proud; at last I knew
Porphyria worshiped me: surprise
      Made my heart swell, and still it grew
      While I debated what to do.
That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
      Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
      In one long yellow string I wound
      Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
      I am quite sure she felt no pain.
As a shut bud that holds a bee,
      I warily oped her lids: again
      Laughed the blue eyes without a stain.
And I untightened next the tress
      About her neck; her cheek once more
Blushed bright beneath my burning kiss:
      I propped her head up as before
      Only, this time my shoulder bore
Her head, which droops upon it still:
      The smiling rosy little head,
So glad it has its utmost will,
      That all it scorned at once is fled,
      And I, its love, am gained instead!
Porphyria’s love: she guessed not how
      Her darling one wish would be heard.
And thus we sit together now,
      And all night long we have not stirred,
      And yet God has not said a word!

Call a                          doctor/ plumber/ priest
My heart is               broken/ leaking/ deceased
My life is                   worthless/ so much better/ over
I'm going to              **** myself/ tell your wife/ Dover
How could you         leave me/ not know/ lie?
I hope you                return my stuff/ come back/ die
I'll never                   forget you/ forgive you/ go away
I need                        closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay
Your                           face/ crotch/ top of your back
Is                                so beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack
Your                           ex/ mother/ best friend from school
Always made me      great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool
I will                           miss you/ **** you/ stalk you forever
That way we can      be friends/ get away with it/ be together
I'm sorry                   you did this/ I did this /we failed
I promise to               pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't               leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call

(*delete as appropriate, just delete it all.....)

When she turned her gaze upon me,
I was a mote of dust
caught in a beam of sunlight
I was huge and beautiful
and bright.

I laughed and danced
and shone.

And when she turned away,
a cloud moved across the sun
and I was extinguished.

Nothing in life is constant.
Nothing stays the same.
This moment is as fleeting,
as the falling drops of rain.

And just like every snowflake,
each moment is unique,
and tumbles now into the past,
as do the words I speak.

Try not to capture days gone by,
or live in glories past,
but live always in this moment,
and this moment will always last.

Phoenix.
Listen well, she said
I will not be bound
By repetition
By morning, noon, and night
With the stars
I wander
In and out of sight
There is magic
In the madness
That only children claim
It has deserted the faithless
The aged
They are searching
For nothing
Wary of this game
I saw it as I stood
On the edge of a changing wind
Before the creases of life had kissed me
Before I’d come to know of sin
Fear is what propels you
While I’ve lived only by my heart
And when its beats have provided
One
Last
Breath
I will rest in a world united
By the acknowledgement
Of death