I'm reminding you I'm lost
but subconsciously I'm not,
cause I think you're the only one that gets what I've got
you give me butterflies like gut rot
and you've got my tongue in knots
doing what I can to not let it stop
cause you picked up the weight but don't let it drop
I'm invested in this now and can't afford the loss
my heart was locked before you opened up shop
turn the radio on and sing to me Aseop
I'm now on a mission, make sure i'm out of earshot
cause when the truth comes out, I won't give it a second thought;
Remind myself I'm worthy of everything I've got
Because weakness is not an option, and you are not a God,
Confidence forgotten, I realished in what I'm not
and then the clouds they cleared and relvield was the plot
I let my gaurd fall loosely, I felt my heart unlock
suddenly reminded the key does not belong
ripped out of the hole, thrown down the block
I am standing on my own, my vision seeing spots
Today will be the day, I will take the shots
...
From your 7 shot revolver, 6 had them stunned
Only 1 left, and with it you took the sun
"your order is ready sir, but you seem like your done,
so remind me again, what is you want?
SAC? is that the one?
Well here's the check, its time to pay,
Take your time, I'll be here all day."

Diving deep in to the ocean of new I found the story of my Creation
And how it was infinitely, You
I found the dreams that turned to screens and the mistakes that held My fate,
and found the meaning of intention and what it means to Create
I found myself,
In every version of you I have ever seen come to,
I found Truth
And the desire to know the fire inside of the wires kept me fueld for The trip that I didn't know I was on
How beautifully unique is that soulful song

When devistation turns to manifestation of a better tomorrow
Who are we to question the path we've been brought on

The weight of the world isn't too much for the sun, but the sun does Not work alone
With the Moon and the stars and Jupiter and Mars,
It is a collaborative effort

To keep us alive

To keep us in the gravitational field that is our lives,
The planets alignment is the blueprint in our eyes,
What we were born with at the perfect time,
To see this day

All of those who came before us worked faithfully to remind
Everyone
How far we truly have come

Our bodies are our Unidentified Flying Objects that keep us clouded in The confusion and until we all wake up and realize,
Its US,
We are stuck

Stuck in a beautiful time in a magical place,
Not able to see its wonder.
Crying out to the Angels in the clouds,
When they are starring at you.
Praying for salvation,
When it has already found you.

Find Your Truth.
Find YOU.
Because I am you, and you are me, and WE, are one atom.
One organism
Breathing the cosmic breath of Earth
Dancing on the ground of our ancestors who we can not see in this Vibration,
But we are dancing with them
And they are smiling through the tears and sending light through your Fears,
Because they know it is eternal

If you have been looking for the Elixr that could keep you here forever,
You have found it.
Within
The flowers of today become the seeds of tomorrow,
And the Angels will bring you water,
If you believe they can

Open your mind,
Breathe into your heart,
Find peace in your presence.

We are here now,
And that is all we need.

Foundations were laid by hands that create the exploration of your Imagination when you choose to display your understanding of the Human Game
Either guided to expand or by your own hand it was all part of the bigger Plan which allowed the spaces of time to fill the cracks of your mind,
Progressing, regressing, following the Divine
Pattern of it all,
It's what we choose to involve,
Our Selves in

In the end it transforms the dusty cobwebs to ballroom floors and the hay bails to open arms, welcoming your Soul to take a seat, and relax in the strength of your Ancestors that rode so many miles before

To get you where you are, they rode through Conscious Expansion ******* with only FAITH that they would wake up on the other side with the same faces by their sides, in THIS reality

Forgiveness became key because it seems almost selfish to me to take the risk that could be, the end
Which they promise is the beginning
Which is a test of Faith, yet again
and again
and again
every time you blink, you think,
you are presented the opportunity
to change things

To BE a THOUGHT in the world that promotes
Positive Vibrations
Consciously

Keep faith that everything is working,  
The words that find me are the words that have found you,
Through it all, we walk together,
Through it all, we smile
<3

Chapter after chapter you would read nothing but laughter
but line by line the truth seems divine
eloquently she side-steps the faults in her life
and slowly but surely she rekindles whats right


In her heart of hearts she knows whats real
she understands how he makes them feel
delicatly speaking with clear conviction
she explains their faults while they refuse to listen


Eager and proud she countinues to try
knowing full well they tell lie after lie
compassionate still, she stands by their side
and watches as stars shoot themselves by


Be quiet my love, don't blink an eye
instead sew them open and lock onto the sky
wait for the moment, when you know its enough
make a simple wish and believe in simple luck

Once upon a time, a long time ago,
I believed in myself and wanted everyone to know
then you came along, handcuffs were ready
you closed my eyes and made sure they were heavy

Now I'm on a mission, a goal is in sight
to never again let a man control my life
I am strong, faithful and bright,
you'll never see me fall, finally beliving in my rights

I woke up one night and realized that nothing was really what it seemed to be
The Earth was breathing and the trees were singing,
Their melody
About OXYGEN,
and BREATHING
The reality that these were not 'things,' but rather, wings
And as her creative visualization tools fired like a lightening bolt on a summer night,
She began to remember that it had been a long, hard, fight

But when you know better, you do better,
and when you're blind, you're blind.
But when you're faithful, truly faithful,
to nothing but DIVINE,

You allow your heart,
to really shine

And from that space,
way down deep inside,
is a magic key,
that you might find

And if that key,
fits in mine,
take my hand,
while we travel time
through dimensions
and layers
through light,
and love
through faith,
and stillness,
we will travel

And as our brothers,
have done before,
it is time for us,
to start opening doors,
to Creation

Healthy creation for the good of all with LOVE as the motive,
the only one

Can you love the broken pieces that make me who I am?
Or do you only love me when I fit into your plans?
Don't give me less then all of you,
because I'll give you all that fates allows me to
A wing may be broken,
a tear may be shed,
but I promise you happiness in every moment thats spent
Like the only novel that you've ever read,
I'll forever be waiting with clouds in my head
On a dream that feels similar to the hand that you lend
Talk, feel, trust,
Don't mistake my love for lust
Forever simply isn't enough
The dreaming girl believed in luck
And got untied, he had her stuck
Flying again, she understands
Everything happens just as planned
L.o.v.e.L.i.f.e here lies a broken wing,
finally the caged bird feels blissfully free

When our bare skin collides
like the slowly fading tides
Your heart starts to speed,
and I catch that smile in your eyes

When my hand starts to trace
the curves of your face
The look that you make,
lets me know its okay

When your graps gets tighter,
Its like the spark of my lighter
burning hot like the fire
in flames of desire

With every touch of our lips,
its a selfish foregin trick
the way you capture the bliss
that my heart used to miss

The way you look in my eyes,
like its again the first time,
fills my bones to the core
and leaves me longing for more

The little things you don't know you do,
have me wrapped up in all of you,
hold me close, and don't let me go,
I'm looking for more than a puppet show.

The pain slowly rises up from the toenails of swollen feet, begging to thrive, to not be released... Pulling you in, like an over needy friend, drowning remorse sounds hollow and coarse. 
A master of reality design, she finally began to analyze, who was this boy and what did he want, why was it him that got what he got? 
An advocate for the weak, something only some can understand, she never had any idea that he was nothing like most men... He was purely a design, a fragment of her mind, a poorly put together story that rhymed, so alone is where she cries, trying again to analyze. 
She finds a poem to recite 
A voice if she might
Fight this new found stage fright
So many times, they stood at the end of the stage, silently filling her heart with rage. 

She ran
She ran as far away from home as she could with that man,
With packs too heavy and without an open hand, together they ran. 
Him from his choices, her from those voices 
They kept screaming she would fail. 

She wanted to run far enough away that by the time she was home they wouldn't know what to say.. But she came home and had to stay.

Reanalyze the pain. 

See again what she had left in shame. 

The pain. 

Please God be with her, please help her pray, please come down to her, and take her pain away

He held her down and blindfolded her, whispered in her ear that she was flying, and then blew wind in her hair as she was crying, calling it Ocean Air. Salty. 

How dare me.

It'd been a while since I unfolded the crease
overwhelmed with questions I opened it slowly
I struggled to read, as I could barely see,
but I made it through, and it reminded me...

                        You always knew the answers,
                               you always made me try,
           you always told me you were proud,
                    and it was okay to not be right

  I was flipping through an old picture album,
the one you made me when I was little,
   Tuesday nights and the London Eye,
school plays and that wagon we made,
I still offer help, to those in need,
but I no longer think with childish greed

I am becoming the woman
you knew I would be...
I wish you were here,
I wish you could see

I re-read the last letter you wrote me...

From God-knows-where,
you answered my prayers,
and I hear your message
loud and clear

I will explore the world
because you opened my eyes..
like poison pulsing through my veins,
I'm addicted to flight,
no matter how far,
no matter how high

I am strong,
At least that's what I my friends believe...
I wish you could meet them,
I wonder what you'd see...
There's a few that you would really like...
A few that mean a lot to me...

I went to California, we planned it for a day,
packed a few bags, got in the car, and simply drove away...
No body could believe it... (they all think I've gone insane)
It sounded like a memory, an escape from all the pain

I was sitting on the mountain as the sun was going down..
thinking to myself how you would've brought me to this town
and as the single tear I tried to fight fell slowly to the ground,
I whispered an audible thank you and excused any remaining doubt

You are here and every where,
you guide me through each day,
turning traffic lights to slow my rides
telling me when to leave, telling me when to stay

you still know exactly how to make me see, that life is one big mystery
full of adventures and unexplored roads,
I'll set cruise control and you can show me where to go
While we reminisce on the stories they've told

Change.
Its funny how things do.
I can't even explain in how many ways,
things will never be the same.
Am I responsible for this mess?
Should I delegate someone else for this?
He told me change was the only constant
but is it really for the best...?

I am doing what you've wanted,
and I'm sure you already know,
but thank you for pushing me,
and making sure I go

               You've always trusted me
Even when things went a little bit wrong,
you knew that I'd fix it and it wouldn't take long
so you bought a few books and told me to cook
for the first time ever, I was proud of my work

You never missed a show
From ballet to choir concerts,
talent shows to football games
gymnastic meets to farmers markets
to the clumsy, care-free, dancing duo

You always held my hand
Rough, and dry from a thousand shoe laces tied
but soft and familiar and never looking to fight
when things are hard and my energy's drained,
I picture your hands taking away my pain

You always were on time
I sat at school the other day,
waiting for my ride,
thinking about you, as I usually do,
wishing it was you that was stopping by

I break down sometimes
You were my rock,
my sounding board,
my only voice of reason,
you held me together
told me always to be better
you never let me down

I wish you were here
The days are getting harder it seems,
my life is changing so quickly
I'm loosing control, but I'm gaining some more,
I'm just not sure where you want me

What now?
I'm sorry for all the questions,
I don't mean to have so many,
I just can't stand to tell myself,
No one is ever ready

She sat down to write about her hearts painful cry and as the keys clicked the black dash, the memories were swept

Here, Now
She reminded herself

She tattooed it on her left index to hold space when she would forget to remember
to remind her, to be present
to remind her, to slow her thoughts
to remind her, to stop her thoughts,
and listen

here, now
Angels whispered

She was here, in the now, of the present moment of this time, and suddenly she realized that all the words began to rhyme, when she set aside the need to control the signs, and allowed the moments that felt Divine
a

Beautiful
Living
Imagination
Sitting
Still

Rewind

Flash forward

SIT STILL.

BE. Here. Now.

The Angels Screamed.

In their melody that sounds like something only the Heavens could sing
a vibration so high your whole entire essence feels light
a living breathing embodiment, of life, is here, now

Challenge the open spaces and new faces and meditate freely in the grace of your BEing
for YOU are a BEing, a LIVING BREATHING BEING, of LIGHT

YOU, you are enough.
YOU, you are stronger than any dagger.
YOU, you are loved.

Here, Now.
They stated.

In the here, in the now, there is nothing but ever lasting, unconditional, plentiful health and wellness, for all,

The Angels sang out,

"For YOU are ME, and I am WE, and WE are EVERYTHING, you see?"

The things you're looking for are most often found
hiding in plain sight
   In the dead of the night,
when everything feels right
who are you seeing when you close your eyes?

I am lost in a moment I cannot describe
I'm standing as tall as my heart let's me write
Do not confuse blessings for an unwanted fight
I simply am wishing the best for our unstructured lives.

Have you ever been questioned...
Have you ever asked why?
Have you thought of solutions someones already tried?
I'm telling you this power offers you something great.
Would you like to partake?

Sit with me,
Don't complicate
Life is too short
to live so irate

You are only allowed what you build or create..
So many opportunities are recklessly at stake..

Baby show me something I've never seen before,
chivalry's not dead and I need something more,
if you'd like we can pretend,
to be a little more then friends
but please don't forget,
I am who I am,
and I've driven down a road
past a sign that said closed
ended up in a few places
with no where else to go
and if were stuck then were stuck
and we can leave it as such,
but if you give me hope
I'll find more rope and
we'll lower ourselves
down as the ground begins to look close.
Closer
but so far away...
help me find the words,
I've forgotten how to say..

A wire wrappers dream,
seems the plan was Supreme
in path way of choices blinded by sight
the artist didn't see the Light
when the Mother called late that night
his attention span was traveling through space and time,
fighting Demons for those who gave up fight,
but why was it worth the sacrifice?
Why wasn't she worth that time?
She used to hold more weight in those spaces of life,
Does he know that moment pushed the line?
Finally feeling the weight of the grind,
became too much for his state of mind

Da da,
Da da,
Da da,
Da

You made a promise to the Divine to stay straight and in line and, all the sudden it,
Wasn't

Now what?
How many second chances?
What is the breaking point of the cast over shadow that keeps stealing your light?
The Angels showed up every morning, and came back full force every night
Never breaking stride on the moments your eager to hide,
You try and find your disguise and the plain as day face shines
Shines bright

Da da,
Da da,
Da da,
Da

Is this what you say it is,
is this what you see
is this what you claim to know
or what you claim to BE

Within a half a click of a seconds time the wall clock holds space to constantly remind
US of what we came here to SEE
US, of what we are destined to dream,
US, of, everything
Like,
Da da,
Da da,
Da da,
Da

Is this what you say it is,
is this what you see
is this what you claim to know
or what you claim to BE

I wish cancer was a mere zodiac sign that did nothing more then Determine the compatibility  of young love and offer cheap pick up lines at crowded bars  

                                                           Hey, whats your sign?

I wish that love was not just a word, but a fluttering of colors, blinding the brightest of eyes and seeping through every pore of your being, 
A word not so easily being abused, used, or broken.

                                                        ­       I ACTUALLY love you

I wish that friendship meant once more the pure blissful enjoyment of ones company, never questioning real motives or keeping an all seeing eye taped open 

                                           I ACTUALLY trust you...

I wish that the bond between mother and daughter meant more to the mothers and daughters, and that all knowing instinct that all mothers should share, would be voiced to all daughters whether or not they cared 

     LISTEN TO ME!

I wish that the tie called marriage to most, meant more then the paperwork they sign as a joke, that living together till death do you part  meant together forever through the unbearable parts

      Redefine Forever

I wish that heaven wasn't so far away, imagine what I'd give to make that trip in a day, stand face to face with all of the greats, the ones whose memories live on every day 

             They are never really all that far away...

*The beautiful things,
That we embrace,
Pulls themselves closer,
Everyday

You tell me I don't talk enough
but when I opened my mouth you told me it was to much...

You spoke of a world that I had never known,
one that knew nothing of me

You spoke of a life that I had never seen,
one that seemed foregin to me

You preached of a way that could better each day,
but one that scared me

You asked for my hand, you asked for my heart,
'mr. fix it' was ready from the start


So I gave it you... all that I had... you knew full well it was nothing..
I stepped in your world, I became your queen, owned up to everyone and everything.. I did what I could.


But, Pain does not hold limits, it does not stop when the tank is full, it does not slow down for speed bumps or stop for passing cars. The train we call pain pumps through each one of my veins and

I am again, lost.

Again,

I am broken.

Mr. Fix it didn't calculate for this one.

I have a little bag,
I keep it locked away,
Tightend with a pad lock
and locked with a chain

It stays in the closet,
Without mention or thought
Cause this bag of mine
Is it's own pandoras box

And I fill it up,
Almost every day,
With the questions and comments
And things that you say

But this bag of mine,
It's getting full you see...
But opening it
Just might destroy me

And that is a risk
I just can't take
Sorry my love In the closet it stays
But this mornig things changed ..

I went to the bag and found the broken chain
The pieces spilled out like childs play
I'm un sure now of what to do
But pick up the pieces two by two

And but them back in that bag of mine
Lock them away for good this time
But as I reach for each piece
The reality hits me,

This is my life and these are my feelings
Scattered around like a puzzle you found
And dumped on ground It's game over now

You wanted it open and now it is,
Good luck finding where each piece fits

while I sit in the room alone in the dark

I give nothing but time to these awful thoughts

Eating away at my decaying brain

the weak is weakend by the constant pain



I'm doing all that I can you see,

giving you every single piece of me

yet here we are with paper and pen,

you can take my blank page and fill it in



because how I hear it, correct me if i'm wrong,

is that this is just your unwritten song

So you take my heart and string it along

is it your arms that I still belong?



like a little girl I sit and wait

make a wish and count on fate

this is the mess that you have made

took the book and destroyed the page.



and on the shelf I go again

lost in space with a few more friends

collecting dust and making amends

waiting on that other hand he lends



Take a step back, make sure you're certain

I feel like you are writing your own version

my chapter said this and yours said that

so here we are with half an act



So tell me what is on my mind,

read my book before father time

take my heart and spill it out

read each line slowly without any doubt



You think you know this book,

better then anyone here

I think you misunderstood the point,

you've read only one chapter....fear'



Theres a few more chapters you need to read

the easy ones, like friends, and family

cause those are the chapters that i've written before,

something I know about a little more



The chapters missing are far to advanced

the ones I can't write because I don't understand

like love, and loss, and breaking hearts

I hide from the truth alone in the dark



Alone in the dark on that shelf I sit

just an over read book that no longer fits

as time goes on I ponder a bit

flip through old chapters before I finally quit



The future is bright, or so they say

the unwritten words are ours today

so take the book off the shelf,

take me down sense you've offered help



grab my pen and bring me paper,

this book of mine we will write together

you will talk and I will listen

reading off the pages that have yet to be written.

My Secret Garden
  
Its the way he threatens to close his soul,
or the way he rolls over holes covering a seed that can't grow..
Making sure you're the last  to ever know
how far his addiction would be wiling to go
intertwining her fingers in a heart turned to stone
she turns to the Earth to have something to hold..
As the Earth captures her embrace,
she is over come with faith,
discovering a new world,
that shes allowed to create
tell me...
Do you believe in fate?
When friendship meets love and
somethings finally enough
will you let go of that grudge
or completely give up?
As she makes her way through each passing day.
she plants her seeds in the wounds that bleed,
reveling herself in guilty dreams
neglecting her heart for their greater need
complicating the plan seems a sure defeat
the only thing she keeps track of are her two attached feet..
Forgetting conversations that held no depth
she fell into a trap as she readily lept
into fleeting hands disguised as safety nets
her heart detached as her body slept
Misunderstood from the fall,
they thought she lost all control
she refused to conform
and meant no harm
heard underlying judgments
so she covered the scars
she's captivated by the stagnant stars
believing in a world bigger then ours
if seeing is believing, she was staring at mars
more tangible then ever,
she now understood
this life was not theirs
but an unwritten book
possibilities were endless
for a conclusion of sorts
theories are offered
but not relevant in court
she waits for those seeds to expose a new growth
praying it gives them a small dose of hope
because nurturing something piece by piece
seems the responsible solution for a world in need
ONE LOVE is the life I'll breed

How do you know when the time is right?
Does it kick you in the *** or slap you in the face?
Or does it sit by the water and paitently wait?
Is it yours to look at or mine to take?
Is it like a match, a one strike date..

When will I know that it is what is?
Will the stars align like an angels kiss?
Will the doves release and the choir sing?
Or will it feel like anything?

Will you scream it loud like your favoite song
Or whispear it softly like you might be wrong?
Will you grab my face and look in my eyes
Or hide in your thoughts to your own demise

Will you Hold me after and repeat it again
Or leave me hanging without means to this end
Will we fall into our dreams tonight
Or walk away without a kiss goodbye

What happens when the words are said?
Help me settle the thoughts In my head
Do the best to answer the few
Pleading questions I have for you