Stumbling and mumbling like a bumbling idiot
Feeling like a toddler who is barely learning how to speak
The first steps, tiny baby steps
Into this territory called "love"
"Kiddy crushing, puppy loving" --
That's what they all call it.
Tongue twisters, tying my tongue into tight knots.
These feelings puzzle my brain.
Questioning every movement, every moment
Waiting patiently for everything to click together
Two halves of a whole taken apart
By those who think they are better than us
Word goes around and around
But never seems to land on the truth
Avoiding all the right answers
Even if it was right in the center,
Bolded, capitalized letters, and highlighted
Just for you.
It will slap you in the face and tell you,
"Get your head out of the clouds!"
Because you need to realize that real life is not a fairy tale,
Not a story straight from the classics.
It is not told at night before your bedtime,
Before your parents tuck you in and kiss you goodnight.
It is something learned from experience,
Something that walks in at all the wrong times.
It'll walk in through the doors when you're crying
And it could walk in during breakfast while you're making your favorite morning coffee.
It even walks out, sometimes unannounced
Even during your happiest moments.
Because that's what love is:
Unpredictable

It's so hard to control who you really are...
I try not to let my horns show through,
But just being around you...
It makes me break,
Like a branch in a storm...
The sight of you is enough to make my blood boil,
Yet you just look past me, and hardly know I'm here...

I'd sell my soul if I could to be with you,
Yet I don't know why...
You have more control over me then I do on my self,
Though my mind tells me to let you be...My heart says otherwise...
I can't last much longer,
So let me just say these last words before I go...
Good Bye to You.

It was one of those mornings
where you peer out your bottom floor window,
and look up at the raindrops freshly fallen.

You feel broken,
and yet rushed with an unexplainable emotion.
but you know it’s a good one simply with a bad aftertaste.

You see people everyday, no, you stare at them.
You wish for relationships you once had.
Others you wish you could hold,
and those you could never give up.

Have you ever heard the saying about faking a smile?
It’s an understatement.
It’s not sadness, or anger really, just pain.

It doesn't start out as pain, it just evolves, over time.
The madness results in Emotionally caused Physical pain.
The pain doesn't hurt, it just...sits.

This emotion that we've nicknamed pain, rushes through the body,
Arms numbs, legs shaking, eyes holding back, everything.
It’s all caused from sight, with a drop of longing.

You see this person everyday.
You long for the same people every single day.
And your body just longs for them.

It’s not as lustful as it sounds.
You just possess an attraction to these people.
An attraction that even the most specific and descriptive of words could not describe.

You sit there and you are bound by society’s lock on intermingling.
You are bound by the mock and disgust of others.
You are bound by that person of which you desire.
You are bound simply by yourself.

All this.
All of this Emotion, if you will, was bound in that little drop that clings to the window.
That was but a drop of what I feel every single day.

You can’t imagine
but don't let me sound as if I am exaggerating.
For I am not.

I have felt wonderful things.
Things I am not sure most of you have felt.
Though I wish you could.

I wish I could place my hand on your chest
I wish that all of that energy, that emotion, would flow into you and then back into me.
I could look into your eyes, and I would know, that you know, how I feel.

You could understand everything.
You could sympathise.
but the fact of the matter is, you simply can’t.

I do not believe you have felt what I have felt too, no.
Different version and variations, yes.
But this feeling of impossibility, I know you have not felt.

You are common rebel,
this is not bad, no not at all,
you have more opportunities to release this emotion than I ever will.

And i envy you. All of you. Every Last one.

You look away from the rain drops.
You go back to living.
You go back to hiding.
You go back to solitude.

Yeah, it was just one of those mornings I guess.

Child you fascinate me.
Everything about you reminds me
Of everything I longed to be.
You are an embodiment of the earth
Your mossy green eyes
Placed perfectly on tanned skin
Surrounded by light brown hair
That is streaked by sunny days.
Your full pink lips
Never seem to have the ability
To hold back a smile
That would put the brightest stars
To shame.
Child you amaze me.
You defy the binds of society
In a way that I long to do.
Your long black eyelashes
Untainted by paint
And your skin free
Of the concealing mask.
You walk with your face
To the sky
And it is beautiful.
Child you intrigue me.
Your mind is so colorful
I long to know what you are thinking.
You question the world
Not out of fear or suspicion,
But pure curiosity.
Because in your mind
Every answer
Every word
Every living thing
Has endless possibilities
And you are the perfect example.
Child you astound me.
You say what is on your mind
And i wouldn’t have it any other way.
There is no room in your
Heart for bottled up emotions
And your time is far too precious
For words left unsaid.
You live in the moment
With no tolerance for
Those who try to hold you back.
Child you inspire me.
You have this strength and confidence
That I try so hard to master.
You have never been one to
Fear the opinion of others.
You don’t waste your time
Worrying about what they say
Not because you don’t know
But because
you simply don’t care.
You like being you.
And though I know you are
Already aware
I will say it once more, Child
You are good enough
I promise you are

I'm in Love
with a man
whose love
for me
it seems
is wired
to a switch.
And
without warning
something
last night
caused it
once again
to flip.

It used to
lead me
to question,
if he gives
a **** at all-
But now
I just
passively wonder
how I go
about getting
one installed.

For solitude
is  less
intimidating,
than insecurity
and fear.
And laying
awake alone
is better
than company
that's
adjacent
but ultimately
insincere.

Even though
I should leave
I will place
my troubled
questions
in boxes
to forget
about tonight.
Endure the
deep breaths
and eye rolls
and stay
if only out
of sheer
stubbornness,
exhaustion,
or maybe
out of
spite.