I can clearly recall the last time I felt so defeated, it’s that same complete series of mental exhaustion I have no fix for.
I can taste that familiar foul.

It was March 2010, 2 months away from my graduation, I still vividly remember those dreadful days.
I did not wake up looking forward to the next day thinking everything was going be sunshine full moon and some kind of deep breathing exercise would have my problems carried away by the wind.
I saw fear and uncertainties waiting to greet me by the twilight.

In a way, I’m still the same old helpless child from a decade ago, not knowing how to cope when I’m stuck in a corner haunted at every turn by my own shadow.
The shadow bears the cross of my bottled up sorrow which in turn gave birth to anger, resentment and bitterness.
The endless lament over lost times and the could have beens is one of the worst songs a singer could sing.
When I lament, I belt.
I don’t wish anyone  to be around when that ****** goes off,
I wish to be alone, I wish to not hurt anyone in the vicinity.

Once life starts resembling butterflies from paradise pollinating sunflowers in lush green field for too long, you fail to remember what calamities are. You start to believe G6 is the only mode of transportation and of course that is delusional.
The master of reality and time who holds the power will in its own time shatter your illusion.
Sometimes it reveals itself with a loud declaration, sometimes a whisper, slowly creeping up on you.

By the time you realized flying a 65 million dollar Gulfstream is not the only way to get around, you would be writing a sappy prose.

It’s been long since I last have some to drink
The goddess of liquid muse no longer recognizes me
Silently taking my inspirations away as punishment
Words no longer flow like rivers after rain

Oh melancholy how I miss you
Or is this just pure sadness and emptiness that’s speaking?
Can you still label it as melancholy if you don’t find delight in it?
Oh how I miss the good old days of painless melancholy

I’m trying desperately to vent, to rant ,to find someone who can depend
Maybe you can but it's likely not going to make sense
My troubles are a thousand layers of Baklava that I didn’t bake
Everything is a phase I know but time don’t exist when you are on a trip

I’m playing this game of life like I’m in junior varsity again
Thought I had it all together, what a fool’s paradise did I live in?
Short fused, restless anxiety; agitation running like a ticking time bomb
I say “Hi, how’s it going?” with a smile but the inside is ******

Still can’t quite make up the color of your eyes
Like how I still can’t make up if this is all a disguise
Are they green or are they hazel?
Are you the devil or are you the angel?

Clint who?
Does he even like fondue like i do?!!
Dude is just one of the crews
I’d eat him like ragu

As the stage laments on about “I will love you”
I brush the tip of my wandering fingers over your olive tan skin
Barely touching, craving more than what’s given and then some
“Give me a lifetime and then 50 more…” - I’m a hopeless what can i say

Aimed to plant my lips on yours
But they ended up on your teeth; I guess they slipped
Blamed that on your cheeky silly smile
Let’s make the next one worthwhile

Replaying scene after scene from last night
Reciting them night after night

Cinderella,
our dance lasted just a little more than an hola

Like the fairytale,
I barely got your detail before I lost your trail

Quirky, earthy and sorta birdie
so captivating like a painting in a gallery

You were gone right at twelve,
but worse than Cinderella herself
you didn't even leave a shoe behind
now I don't know whose foot to find

Poems after poems
Rhythms after rhythms
Shoddy muses came and went

I’m still stuck writing the same thing ten different ways
I’m about to puke from getting sick of spelling out my emotions to myself
I’m so close to drawing a line of sand dividing my odd despair from the rest of the world

Just how much longer before the end of this endless ***** laundry cycle?
The hollow feels almost eternal if it wasn’t for logic’s persuasion   

My eyes wide opened, looking at everything but I’m not seeing anything

“Hard drive scan error, nothing is registering.”

Maybe some early sleep would help
Maybe some chamomile would sooth
Maybe I should stop walking around feeling only the shell of myself
Go to bed boy…
time to go to bed

God put you there
It wasn't an accident
His plan was clear
It wasn't a coincident

Just so we could cross path
Just so I could catch a glimpse of you
Just a glimpse before His wrath
Just enough to learn perfection spells Y.O.U.

Even though it was short-lived
I was invested more than I should
Not because you were the fifth
But because in a crowd, out you really stood

My head was whacked hard
So hard that I lost all my guard
Disappointment leaving me a little scarred
Now I'm busy picking up my scattered chest of cards

There is a bag
In it is an assortment of emotions  
Joy, mostly
But also strains of sadness and disappointment
Like a handful of trail mix with raisins
Nobody likes them but we all eat them anyway
Because what’s trail mix without a few annoying raisins
Life is not always chocolate and M&Ms