I'm not going to get better
It's not like that
This disease doesn't go away
There is no cure

But oh, there are symptoms
Paranoia, cynicism, and distrust
To name a few

I've heard it's my burden to bear
A toll for artistry
Which I tolerate, that is
Until the next bout sets in

Like now.

Now I am driven to madness
What a ******* up world we live in
Where nice girls turn into tweakers
Where people never change
Where we will always rather drop the bomb than talk it out
Where people hide from their feelings

That is what you're all afraid of, isn't it?
The kinds of conversation that spin out of you
Are remarkable
You'll talk of anything save the things on your mind
Fearful
Fearful of what?
Directness, no, we cannot have that here
I would much rather discuss
The grazing habits
Of a cow

I'll just get as much music and writing out there
As I can
Before I combust
And rejoin the nothing

literally sick of a
dizzy world
            spin
ning spinn
ing spinnin
g sp
in ni
ng

out of it and
not quite sure what it was
in the first place

fade on down the road
spotty recognition

flaccid intellect

I wish you'd understand how
deep this truth runs

maybe then you'd open your
heart

Am I alive?
Is this real?
I feel like a dream?
I feel like dying?
I feel ****** up to the core?
Translate.
And don't be turned off now
Embrace it.

L

You might think you will always know what's the right thing to do, the right thing to say, but ninety-nine percent of the time, you will be wrong.

O

The wrong words will come out, the wrong reasoning, the wrong separation, the wrong wasted years of experimentation. You both will suffer.

V

Somehow, one of you finds a way to bridge the minute crack between your hearts and takes the initiative to do so. You begin to recognize how much each of you truly care for the other.

E**

And then somewhere along the line wires are crossed and out pops a spark.

     And it is this spark that births a brilliant new fire, with flecks of the old.

Hello night I've come to know
Through darkness silent river flow
And lay me down to rest for good
In time I will go when I should

I ask for too much help
Not help in the traditional sense
As in
I don't have a knack for falling down wells
Or impaling my hand on a fork

But I do tend to impose on people
And then they shy away

I am the man who lies through his teeth.

So I saw this ******* the side of the road today
And she looked at me and asked if I could fix her car (life)
And I said I can't (I can) but I don't want to.

I am the man who doesn't care.

And in the distance the smoke rose from all these fires
That sprung up from our embers
Our wishes

I am the man who doesn't make sense.

I am the man who is opaque.

I am the man who is gone.

Have you ever had a moment when you were
right where you should be?

     I've just had a day.

It's raining and I'm cold
and I'm wondering where
you are

quite frankly I'm
startled to see you
right now

thinking you must live
beside my thoughts, all
the time you share
with them

but here you are
here and beautiful.

Welcome to life. It's not that nice of a place.

Here's your survival gear.

It's called love.

Don the mask it's
    time to go

soon we won't have to play this game
                          anymore

every few years, look
back on your prior
hopes with
disdain

how naive you were
then, but surely
you know
better now

your future self laughs.

They smoke, somber around us
    cooking phrases in our daily newspaper

dancers in their own right

     While I'm just trying to figure out how to
             breathe you in long enough that
                   I can float forever when you're gone

If you want to know
   what I think we
                should do
    just pack it up and
hit the road right
                now
It's easy to see what this
              world is coming to
just pack it
        up and hit the road right
                           now
           I want to know what
                  you are           too
                              feeling
    so let’s pack it up
                and hit the road right now
       I’m guessing but I’d
   rather
            know the truth
                       oh let’s pack it up and
                                   hit the road right
                                          now
               (there’s no need
  to find the way back
                  nothing left to tie us
  here all I know is
                         I’ve got hope and
          I’ve got windows to my fear
               oh my dear)
                                         just pack it up and
                                       hit the road right
                                               now

Remember how I said I wanted to...
Well, I didn't actually say it
But I did think it!
Anyhow, tonight is just a night
But the walls are gone
And we stare into the darkness beyond our candlelight
Wondering what might emerge

Because I want to
But I'm going to break all the rules
And ask you
Before I do.

I want to breathe what we have
lived for up until this point in
our life, love surging forth like
spawning salmon, powerful
and unstoppable magnetism
yes, breathe it in and expand
our hearts, savor the moment
every moment as a unique
collaboration, a creation of
two souls once lost and now
found again by chance

A small thin streak
Barely distinguishable from the stinging sweat
That accompanies dedication

I suppose the current circumstances
Touched you in some way
So as to let this pioneer free himself
And blaze a trail down your cheek
Glistening in the morning light

I wish I knew what it was that
Stimulated you to shed some of your
Burden, which even now weighs
Heavily upon your shoulders
Shrouds your world in a
Melancholy gray

Do me a favor.
Call back your adventurer
If he should not answer, so
Fascinated as he is by the soft landscape
Introduce your mountain of a
Smile and block his path
For good.

I could trace the trail of heartbeats from where
yesterday began and be right back where I am,
but something's different
               (this is new and beautiful)

We stamp letters with the tiny feet, cook
chicken parmigiana meat, our timeline
means a lot because you're in it

(Here and now I'm feeling like I'm living deep
inside the house we picked)

I can almost taste it
     and I'm homesick.

There is time enough for everything
But we should not passively stand by and
Let time own us

Swirls of color in the rain
Proclaim our thoughts
Swirls of color in the rain
Exist only before our eyes
Remain there forever
As wisps of beauty

I notice these often
They like to leave before I can
Get a feel for them, sadly
But there is time enough for everything
And shed the societal norms

And don't be afraid to dive into something wonderfully new
The swirls of color in the rain
Belong to the two
Of us, and we belong here
Complete and joyous
Free at last
Clean beneath the water

Just take this paper and
Fill it with your hopes and dreams
Get it all our, purge yourself
Ink as acid, eating your thoughts
As they are put into records
Pressed into pedals

Invest in a quality pen
It will be your best friend with
Whom you fight but it all works
Out in the end sometimes

Free your mind, meditate
Don't run away when you look
In the mirror and see a fungus
Staring back at you, beady eyes
It's just a dream, so write about it

Understand insanity is a relative term with a long
Twisted history of art, and
You are the next generation of the Dickens
The Poe, the Dickinson, the Card, the Hawthorne

Discover greatness in yourself, for
You are a writer
And you can do anything

All this talk of destiny when
        What I want right now
                        Is a sandwich

The song is stifled
The day is done
The night lingers
The cocoa cools
The bird falls from the sky
The apple turns brown with age
The child begins to cry
The very image of rage
The failure shouts
The ghost in your periphery

*All will fade to nothing
When I find you.

Prepare to feel better and worse than
                You've ever felt before
      It's not easy, at times you will seem
                                          Completely and
                                                       Utterly
                                                                                                                                                                 alone
                              But there are the other times, times
                                  a unique sense of belonging warms
                 you up from your very core because
                                                                                                     no two people share the same love, it
                                                                                                      is a creation they each pour
                                                                                                             their hearts into, and life
                                                                                                     is hard so love is too
                                                                                                                      and at times you won't
                                                                                                 know what to do but
                                                 in the end it's
                                                          alright
    


                                                                   In the end it's alright

If he, it
the white jumper
had waited would you
still be wandering alongside me

lost on a boat of stems
  gasping for water
                        within the
                 scream the scream the
                                 scream the SCREAM
to make all our wishes heard
            at a magic personal
                           invasion of privacy
                     or at the bottom
     of this well of gratitude?

                                                     ­                                                     exposed
    ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                            to regain
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                   composure fall
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                          back into
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                               place like
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                        splinters
                                                                ­                                                                 ­             
                                                       god knows
                                               what else goes on  
                                                           inside your
                                                      vibrations­


                                                              ­                                                                 ­                but she pretends she doesn't

mix some shakras up in a glass and
drink it down it's a celebration a time of
times the present lives among and within our
thoughts, groping for memories we call home time and
time again as light finds us stuck full of hypodermic nonsense
shrinking from shadows until we shake hands in a corner and they're not
so bad they're quite inviting and provide all the stuff we need when we need it
like an infinite knapsack of colloquialism forever surrounded by stars

jupi tear me down.

So many lines peel off my mind
Like the **** coating on a succulent clementine
You remind me of everything good

Hope abounds

And every sentence is with exquisite reason
Each word branches from the great waterfall in
Shimmering intent

It is not coincidence that we fit together perfectly in our hugs

Just a note, wavering softly in the darkness
A pure, beautiful sound
Open your heart, close your eyes
And let me breathe you in

It's as easy as life, this
chronic rebuttal and no
matter how right you are
you're always wrong placing
bets with your own ******

It's as easy as life, but
who's to say life is easy?
certainly not those who have left
and gone on to bigger things; they'd
like to believe in all this in retrospect
but things should be simpler.

It's as easy
as easy as life


guessing is not easy.

You don't realize what you have until it's next to gone

You don't recognize the truth in a "first" until long after the seconds and thirds

You don't appreciate comfort until you have known true pain

You don't realize what you have until it's next to gone

But I'm going to do something about it.

They don't know
None of them do

Otherwise they wouldn't be here, right?
impossible.

They can't know
but I have to tell someone.

alone
is impossible
but I don't want
to be in your world

caught in-between the old
and the budding like a fish flapping
its last few breaths in a dwindling puddle

dwell on the eclectic, as I do but not to this
extent, see more experience has come my way
and the world through my eyes is
hazy but at least I can see now

never told you what happened before
never going to, never told me anything
never never

keep my ties to all avenues but
pave my own road with morals I've
build from sorrow, love, and broken

in retrospect, I'm
an acquired taste

In between
                                                   What we know and

not the best place
     for us or
                 anyone, really
to be

                                                   The opportunities just outside windows

About it, you made the right choice it
All worked out in the end there were
Parades and balloons and you earned a
Trophy
Earned, not received

And they never pop, never dull
Limp with fractured wrists and arms and
Popcorn full to the threatening point of
Bursting, but they hold on for you

Watch your eyes *****, spewing dark sky
Studded with stars in the hopes of
Outshining all our halogen
Smiles

Challenge is welcome
And to become strong on your own
The support of others may or may not
Make a difference

The eraser came before the pencil
                          Mankind wanting
                            To purify its slate
          Long before anything was written

   The pencil a justification
                after the fact

It's late and I'm tired
But I can't go to sleep

There's too much to do
Too much I haven't told you
Too much I want to hear
Too much to listen to
Too little to waste

There are adventures
not yet experienced
There are voices
unheard
There are thoughts
unvoiced
There are songs
unwritten
There are kisses
unfelt

And I have adventures to experience
And I have voices to hear
And I have thoughts to voice
And I have songs to write
And I have kisses to feel

And I have you.

Oh, you.

Who are you?
I certainly haven't found you yet
Actually, I thought I had, but you went away
Now I fear I will never see you again

Oh, you.

You with your saddened eyes
You who have endured so much
You who deserve so much more
You who I try to help but
You who shy away to
You who are gone.
gone.

gone.

It does not make my thoughts any clearer
It does not make me feel any better
It does not make my eyes any drier
to write.

But it does help the sunshine keep a little longer
It does let your kisses linger in the shade
It does help my weary head resurrect
The light from whence we came

And I know that someday you will return
And I won't let you slip down down again
And my time awake is time well spent
So I cannot sleep.

I cannot sleep.

Sit alone, forgotten room
An empty piece of paper
You clear your mind, blow out the smoke
And open yourself to thought
A minute passes, an hour
Begin to wonder if it will ever return
And then it does
Hand grasps at pencil
Words flowing out of your head
Fill one page, then another
So many thoughts, all rushing
To get out, to be heard
Inspiration has left its mark
On you
You will not forget its touch
Ache in its absence
Revel in its light
It is you, and you are
A part of it.

Oh, to learn in such
a freezer, clear heads
with minty logic as
one wall and one time
only stand between
me and a succulent
noodle-feast

it's a worthwhile youth, really
wired together by realism and surreal
inquiries preceding the longest jumps
and happiest falls

delirium comes naturally, set into the
whispering trees soon to be enhanced with
visual technologies from your sunken
hungry couch, laden with hopes and aspirations
killed as often as lifted boulders

free the tiger, free the only place
for monstrosity, electric lights, emotion
squeezed like toothpaste from heavy
lips


is there no answer
                                         for

tonight as a night of submerged intellect
tonight as a night of dimly persistent dreams
as a night of dry baths, of words gone stale in the
face of the listener

you who are vibrant, come
shine a little closer

I want to disappear
       into a poem and compose a
   phrase for you to follow

Everything will be alright for you
Because it should be
And for us

I promise. Hold me to it.

You are a beautiful person. Remember our discussion of the word?
On all accounts
Please don't forget that.

Don't let your thoughts get the best of you;
Cuddle the dog.

Of all the questions that flutter through minds
Why should this one be any different from
"what is my dog eating by the sofa?"

Depth.

In posing this question, a hand is extended.
An offer is made to be included in something you may or may not have a reason to be included in, to open your mind and concern to the life and troubles of another.

To not ask this is to turn a blind eye to the signs.
to recognize and ignore
to not care.

It can mean the difference between the living and the dead
the broken and the whole
the enslaved and the free

The masters, substances of many names
Will not stop in their conquest
Will not cease their destruction
unless acted against.

Ignorance will not suffice.

Pose the question then, should the opportunity present itself.
Everyone has a story they choose not to tell

How much we miss from these withheld thoughts!

Seek them out, with noble intentions.

It's not an idea, it's
    a concept. No,
  It would take too long to explain
       It, it is too difficult because
            It only exists when it is
               Visible and without it, it's
                          Impossible to see
    What is it?
                        It is important.

It's ok to not care
      and pretend your eyes are just watering
   and pretend that it means something to everyone
  
             and not just to you.

It's ok because they
       don't really want to know if you are
     and you can't take admitting that anyway

that

  it kills you

The unknown.
We pretend it doesn't exist, deny it through shaking hands
But at last we come to terms

Soon it will be time to venture forth into the unknown
It's time to move on.

There's a skylit drawl tumbling down the pavement
And a cardboard box waiting on your screened-in porch
And if we don't slow down, I think that we could make it
Back where we were before

And the sunsets fall when memories fade away
It's times like these that make me want to say

You are the light that brightens my eyes, you
Are the time I want to know, you are
The comfort of the ocean when I'm all alone
You are the fire burning slow from
All the corners of the globe

Now I'm here but
when I'm there I'm home

As the night comes all the lovers start their walking
Traced by footprints next to railroad tracks

There's nothing to say what goes away is
never coming back, try and relax

but if you ever come on back

You are the light that brightens my
eyes, you are the time (I
want) to know, you are (the comfort of)
the ocean when I'm all alone
You are (the fire) burning slow from
All the corners of the globe

Now I'm here but
when I'm there I'm home

I am permeable.
Your thoughts, your words, you
Pass easily through me
Or would do so normally
But there is a snag, a
Rusted dull orange of a
Barbed wire fence threaded
Through a tree
That stops this
And we have grown
And we will grow
As the tiny umbrella plant became
The tropical masterpiece, beloved
Beneath the blue

Should charcoal clouds gather, we
Must not join the masses
But embrace the storm
And embrace each other
We'll be alright, I know it
Anything less than wonder is impossible
And we refuse to shop at the GAP

I say what I mean, and I mean what I say

Nothing will change
Because everything about us
Is perfect.

life is suddenly
blatantly
impossibly



clear.