Peanut the orangutan is an orphan.
He was rescued, recovering fast.
Although, he refuses to climb trees and is anti-social.
This would mean he can’t survive in the wild.
After a long physical checkup, the vets concluded that his problem is nothing more than mental.
The baby misses his mother.

A man who lived near the Amazon forest vanished.
They soon found his body, inside an anaconda.
This is rare, because anacondas do not typically go near human.
It is however understandable; the anaconda’s home is destroyed and is forced to nest near the village.
They killed the anaconda regardless.  

It was a national discovery when they found a white tiger.
The majesty of such a mutation.
God’s gift! The scientists exclaimed.
They studied it, documented it, took pictures.
When the scientists were done,
The white tiger was famous worldwide.
It soon became a prized rug on someone’s marble floor.

I saw myself
living in a green cottage near the sea
a bike ride from town to fetch fresh fruits
my lover,
planting new flowers in our yard.

Then the crystal ball broke
and i was back in my room
singing upon the mirror
to a lover that didn't exist
But with hope

i push through each day,
a step towards that green cottage near the sea.

I guess watching him drive away
will never be easy
even if he is going to work
or just getting groceries
a part of me will always say
"he might not come back"

There is something so sobering
watching her ****** take her life
not in the act but in labor

while a man who never felt the sting of labor
sits on TV
calls her a "host body".

She will never see eighth grade.

1000 minutes of staring
into a blank wall
trying to find my purpose
I wish I had a life map
show me exactly where to go
because this unknown Abyss
its driving me mad

I could hear it whispering
time clicking louder than thunder
it keeps me awake at night
it follows me like a shadow in the day

he took the form of a tall blank man
who stared with no eyes
I panicked and took a knife
to end my abyss

all the same. hes driving me mad.

Drowning under water
Almost helpless to speak
The ocean taste so salty
Yet overwhelmingly pleasant
I found some sweetness in this bitterness
One is lucky if one still have tears
To cry about something so Precious

You never live till you have had something
Worth ripping your heart out for

we sometimes forget
from i guess a rightful fear

that growing old
is a privilege.

I would have thought vomits
Stroking your face
Telling you I love you
Kissing the arch of your nose
The smile that I know so familiar
You called me a silly drunk
And under the street light I laughed
Oh my friend
I was never drunk.

My love
I am sorry
About how I had to leave you
even when I promised I wouldn't
I know you Never meant to bite
it all happened so fast

My love
I am sorry
I know you will forget me
at least I hope you do
because I will never forget you
and believe me when I say, this wound will never close.

My love
I am sorry
I hope you will forgive me
the way you looked at me before you went
of an ocean of sadness, with a confused gaze on top.
I swore I would never leave you, I should've known not to promise.

I hope you know
you set me on a path
to search for love everywhere

because I want to so desperately believe
that blood doesn't determine family

There were so many thorns along the way
I did find him
no thanks to you

he brings me water at night
and socks when my toes are cold
he is gentle, kind and everything you were not.

You will grow old alone
and sometimes I feel sorry
but most times,

I think of the thorny path you set me on
and I hope you learn how to walk on it too.

Alice spilled herself over the table
her body filled with magic happy potions
that gave her a terrible headache with time
"take me to wonderland"
while strange creatures drag her home
and she awoke in a nightmare trance

Why is it so hard to get back to wonderland?

My mother loved fish cheeks
but it sits in my bowl every night
she smiles
I shove it down like a hungry wolf
Fish cheeks is simple; it needs no words.

Then I grew up
and brought friends over
"like Amy Tan's story!" They said
laughing at the fish cheeks
as my mother shrunk.

Fish cheeks are a delicate meat
its gentle, its warm, its self-explanatory.
It sits in my bowl, under the loving gaze of my mother.
If that is funny
then I dont understand the humor.

The difference between a mother and a lover is
your lover may open scars
but your mother created them

I try so hard to forgive
but the thorns my mother left me
I am still trying to not give to my child

When I look upon her face
I know she tried her best
carrying her own thorns too, bleeding and tired.

And one day,
I might give my child scars too
in ways I do not intend to; believe me, I will feel so sorry.

I hope they will look upon me too
with the same understanding
and gently pull the thorns out.

i dont know what happened
when his eyes didn't see me anymore
how quickly he glossed over
joking about my body
Aphrodite fell off her throne.

how i obsess and neglect my body
at the same time
how embarrassed i feel
to see a dull reflection in the mirror as he sees me
a silly girl mistaking herself as Aphrodite

The way woman look at woman
like art
she glares first at her eyes
then at her nose
and the crinkles of her smile
the curves of her body
like an icy statue to be worshipped

you would never know
by the way she looks at her
how her thoughts
can lead her so astray.
Like art, that evokes a million emotions.

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if not, thats okay too!
I hope sunshines and happiness follow you always.

Its been years
since I've written something authentic to myself
When i was 15, writing was my hiding place

but now, i find myself
struggling to elevate my work
but the more i try, the worse they are

pretentious! tedious! full of a pious girl's empty words.
I felt pressured to change the world,
to write something remembered by

but today i awoke.
fully, and tired of writing words i barely mean.
in a society driven by authenticity and originality

i am, authentically me--insignificant, but fun to read at least!

I see you
clearly in the water
of such from womb to tomb connection

I felt my heart beat in your breathe
the littleness of you is ironic
in those tiny fingers grasp my purpose

I look upon your eyes
a perfect blend of love
the proof of the universe's master piece

I will never forget the night I heard you laugh
I swore my world popped in colors
that can only be seen in an epic sunrise.

In those tiny hands,
grasp my entire purpose
a tiny heartbeat with such momentum.

I found myself almost struggling
to keep my head under water
I dont want to breathe
but the thought of my mother crying
pulls me up like a force of gravity

I emerge above the surface
the air poisoning my lungs
i want so bad the sweet embrace of water
to blank out for a bit
but my sweet mother, like a force of gravity

Im back again
back in this hole
I seem to only write poetry when im not well
no one I know will see it.
But im back again

I want to say ive been here before
but I dont think ive been this deep
I want to say this is an old friend
the coping mechanism is so familiar
but does its teeth look bigger this time?

I wish I could come back on a better term
it seems like im never well
but really
I only write poetry when im not well.
Anyways, im back again.

not every wish
comes true for you
the stars know better
and while you cry about them forgetting your wish
they smiled
they did not forget
theyre simply waiting
to give you something better.
you just dont know it yet
like a little child
who doesn't know her parents
rejected her pleas for a new teddy bear
because there will be a puppy
under the christmas tree this year.

Happy souls
so happy to leap into earth
what happened between then and now?
that made your frown so deeply carved into your skin?

Well i hope you are better now
happy soul
i hope you are better now.

There are bitter goodbyes
that will have hellos again
I am lucky enough to share that with you
when some peoples goodbyes are forever.
So for that,
I suppose, I am grateful.

There isn't a reason to do this'
He almost said.
but he didn't
and when the pen touched the paper
they were divorced
like a person who faces death
he saw his happiness flash before his eyes

you were always fussy
even when you were a child
but you had the world handed to you
on a platter of a mother's love
and a father who gave all his care
so much so, that I was left with nothing

You are young, raging like a storm now
and you carry yourself with so much rage
screaming and yelling like the emotions
are bursting through your eyes
You glare at me like the devil possessed you
but you were always fussy

and I know that hadn't changed.
So sleep now, brother
entitled rage can wait.

I can't even begin to explain to you
WHY it hurt so bad
to watch what was once BURNING
now nothing but bits of flames occasionally
to witness my mother's failed marriages
right in front of my eyes
I CANNOT begin to tell you
how hallow I feel seeing our old videos

maggots upon my heart my dear
chewing out what was once yours.

My hands tangled with yours
6:30 am i spring open my eyes
to catch your groggy eyes
the little snore you do,
the twitch of your face.
The way your hair curled upwards
I never was an early bird
unti l had a good reason to be
much like a traveller
who wakes up early, to catch the sun rise.

There is a spot in my heart
for little children
their laughs
such pureness that I miss

you forget what its like to be truly happy
until a child's smile comes beaming
and you cant remember
the last time you've laughed like that

She chain smoked
of course, it was the 80s.
She hated herself
of course, the girl is fat
She felt her face sting the entire night
of course, he had a very long day.
She believed in herself
of course, she was foolish

and she continued on,
letting everybody make excuses
so she chain smoked.

I can only assume
how insignificant we are
if we stood only alone

but we are not
in a universe thriving for balance
we balance each other.

our lives connected
transcending time and space
creating colors bursting from within

and so, "with each crime and kindness
we birth our future."

How amazing it was to be able to weep
for something so wonderful like colors
To be glad I was once  not color blind
to the beauty the world had to offer
and was graced with an angel from heaven

though now we must part
and I weep of sorrow tears
I will keep my blessings

that I possessed such joy once
that cut so deep I cry tears of pearl
when I no longer possess it.

Its alright if nothing goes your way
the tears in which you chose to conceal

Its even better if everything goes your way
the happiness in which you have no one to share with

But its going to be alright
aloneness isn't  the same as loneliness

and until you find the wothy someone
don't be afraid of being alone

you are your best company

the affirmation was important
as naked as we come, in our most fragile state.
The scars that shamefully hid, now under a shimmering light
skin to skin, breath to breath
as comforting as a new born and their mom
the sliding on the skin, pushed forward by confidence of a "yes"

The sun shines through the blinds
peeking curiously at the young couple
a sweetness in the air
"my love, breakfast?"
"yes."

I feel consumed by the thought
of dark colors rising up in my veins
like the woman lost in the yellow wallpaper
I lack the effort to lose my mind
until i go totally mad.

I love the little brick cottage
The one you held my hand to show me
In the middle of the woods
How you stared into my eyes
Promising me we’d move in one day

I love the broken stove
The one you apologized for
When we moved in as teenagers
Without a penny to our name
But we spend our days  exploring the woods

I love the wallpaper
The gross yellow you’d always laugh at
How you say you hated it but never took down
Because it makes me laugh
When you wrinkle your nose at it.

He walked to the lake
the frozen sheet of ice that glistened
I followed with so little hesitation
as if I knew he wouldn't let me fall through
But he would
Foolishly in love I am
so close to danger
the closer to danger I am
the further away I truly am.

she swayed lightly alone
her hands holding onto the fragile air
feet grazing the ground
gravity preciously holding onto her
after all, reality is subjective plus perspective.

she dance a hopeless dance
on top of shimmering watersnacks
her heart as dry as dust
those praying hands prayed no more
for she could speak with god

just by closing her eyes

The lark sings a pretty song
I lived to hear it
And I am grateful always

For such a little blessing
That I have only scratched the surface of this world
And already feel so overwhelmed

Terrified of letting go
I aim for simple things
just focus on my breathing, his eyes
my hand, how it feels
try to remember the summer breeze
try to remember his hug and touch
try to remember burst of happiness

before I have to be by myself
convincing myself to drag on my hallow shell
before I turn to something else for comfort

I am trying to remember
because for once, I had a reason to want to.

I can't explain to you my jealousy
of watching people laugh in a group
such genuine laugher i could cry

I can't remember having a purpose
of getting out of bed
to not cancel my plans last minute

This sounds painfully self-wallowing
but this is all I have
Until a better day comes.

I hold onto the darkness
like an old friend
sweet embrace of familiarity.

I suddenly got so sick
so sick of the colors around me
like every person was a vibrant soul
and I am just grey
I am so sick

I got so tired
trying to paint color on everyday
So very faded at the end
Too grey
I cut my skin to force that red

but when I stood under the shower
I am grey
I felt so sick
of being washed over--feeling no renew
no one wants to mix with grey

and then I turned a pitch black.

this girl puts the air in my lungs
Into little jars she collects
My fragile heart
Devoted to her like a fool
The sound of angels accompany her steps
The storm will clear up
My dear
And then you’ll love me again

The New York lights
Are not as pretty as she describes it

The way she sparkles talking about it
While sitting in a field of hay
She makes them sound like heaven
And i had most faith that she would’ve
Became the star of it all

I made it here Carolina
They are not as pretty as you say.

we pass on trauma like the barrier reef
with each children the deeper the knot
they will pass on their faults too
to children of their own.
and it might break your mortal pride
to tell you this

but your children do not carry your hopes and dreams
they carry your trauma and pain
until they can have their own to carry theirs.

I was never this bitter
the kind of person to complain all day
even I find myself dull
the mundane feeling of my parents
I've become who I loathed
I just want to be easily impressed
easily joyed
like a baby overwhelmed by laughter or a silly face
I just want to admire butterflies
the same way I did when I was five.

I want so little from life
but I want so much
HURRY! FASTER! MORE!
like work is a reward, and sleep punishes the soul.
I wanted so little
and yet somehow
That is all I am now.

I used to write poems for you
like a hopelessly romantic, poor, scholar.
With such fluffy words i described you
the colors, the beauty, the pedestal i held you on
but colors turn dull, beauty fades, and the marbles that once
sculped the pedestal
turned into dust
Now i read my poems
and i scoff
my ink will never run dry
and so i wrote another one for you.

You are not your mother
marriages dont always end in broke glasses and yelling
You are not your father
children don't always hold you back and ruin your life
You are not your brother
love isn't always a game that tears you apart
You are not your best friend
people can be kind and good in nature; in fact, they mostly are.
You are not anyone else except yourself
and you only
decides how your world will be like.
Evils can be found everywhere, but so can kindness.

At the end of the world
you will find that
those with money
do live happier.

At least,
they would be alive.

you can take that enneagram test
and find out what number you land on
as a grey attempt to know who you are

you can look in the mirror
and make faces till your cheeks hurt
and still not see yourself truly at all.

Someday, you may look in the mirror
and not recognize those eyes anymore
when did they dime? like hallow shapes?

then one day, your face shrivels up
you can hardly remember who you were before
and you look upon your child

you know one day, she will also look upon the mirror
lost upon herself
taking that enneagram test, as faithful as you once did,