For a second I understood what it felt like to be a drum
with an empty center that reverberated every time it was hit
just so everyone else could enjoy the music.

But now I see the drum for all that it is
it is not just emptiness
it creates that sound
it moves people
it evokes emotion

I am the drum
I am the whole drum
I am not defined by the emptiness
pounding me no longer wounds me
now I can listen to the music
now I am strong.

Always I am
waiting
waiting
waiting
for the right time
to tell you all the
words I have stored
behind my teeth
and in the pockets
of all my sweaters.
It's just that I'm so
sure the sun speaks
out of your mouth,
that you will be the
only person who will
swallow my sentences
immediately after I've
said them so they
don't have time to
float away into
outer space where
Pluto and all of my
other lost loves are
orbiting. My
greatest fear is that
you'll stop holding
me like my hands
are made of the
Milky Way and
instead like the
love I'm capable of
giving you is simply
measured with the
spoon I use to stir
my peppermint tea.
I have stumbled
tripped
tumbled
into the atmosphere
of your smile, been
dragged under by the
waves of your breath
on my neck in the
earliest hours of
the morning. I ask
only that you keep
loving my arms that
aren't strong, keep
watching me like I
taught the sky how
to make rain
(because I'll never
stop watching you
that way.)

You
       are
every missed
con    nec    tion,
every
pause
I didn't know
how to fill,
every ship I
sent out that
never reached
its designated
shore. I never
really had you.

my chest ached
until I met you,
until you let
every inch of
my skin be
bathed in the
sunlight of your
laugh, until
you breathed
all this new
air into me.