i have so much love in me and around me
it is impossible to bathe in anything else like
a ****** resentment or an unlimited reservation of sadness

even though those sicknesses are okay and are always curable,
i feel too alive and sure of myself to cough up a loogie of ill-peace

how can I not be okay - right now?
is there a way to prove myself otherwise?

always - we are
HERE
and nowhere else

if only we'd just take a step back and take a look at the illusions
of past or future we've been rolling around in

those are just stories!
and the essence of who we are is not replicated from any external judgement
because a judgement is just another illusional story
that pries into our belief that we will not make it through another day.
but you can, and i can
and you deserve love and i deserve love

and if you take a step back and really look at where you are,
you will see that
you are okay right now too.

I love you* isn’t

A fleeting memory of a camping trip.
It isn’t a strings attached contract that is signed out of intimidation or guilt.

It doesn’t last ‘until…’
You disappoint me. You abandon me. I find something better.

nor does it lay within the depths of ‘only ifs’ :
{only if you love me - only if you see me for who I am - only if you bake me an apple pie}


I love you is
Being able to love myself and vulnerably feel safe with who I am- in your  eyes

It means you are free to be you, to choose freely for yourself and bring forth any awakening, lesson or consequence with no judgment or close-minded examination.

It shakes loose of any stern expectation or obligation made for you because there is no need for you to size up to any other standard that isn’t You.
I love you means you are and always are enough.

It defines no separation between us; yet at the same time – I can celebrate my love for you without the presence of your face, voice or perfumed scent – you are always with me.

I love you is
My full acceptance for the beautiful, strong & powerful Being that you are –
In each bold and thick fiber.
It is the act of fulfilling my inner-self with such gratification and wholeness
Because it feels so utterly good to love you.

it's as if the air is thinner and fresher and my lungs pull it in
to roll around in and soak up its potent clarity

exhales sure remind me of letting go of heavy quilts
my frozen goosebumped mind longs to hide under

there is nothing to hide from, not even black holes - for
there is beauty within the unknown

a fear of blossomed beauty is a fear of losing that pinnacle of
infinitely heightened completeness

One falls for this belief when shyness to greatness is solidified -
belief they know depths and levels and proofs

knowing is knowing, yes, unknown is everything

If I knew where we were going,
I'd drive or would tell you to drive

not knowing encompasses everywhere and I'd sooner rather
look into your green eyes and drift into a black hole of unknown beauty
- where we could breathe in thinner and fresher air and
reach the peak of One with just two

whenever I feel the tremble start to ooze its way
from my compact mind to the tips of my fingers,
I immediately anticipate the fate
that I have always been able to foresee
whenever that familiar first jolt of an anxiety attack sails its way,
like a vessel in a storm
throughout my entire body

heart pounds an intolerable caution
lungs wheeze frigid determination with a rough friction
that lightly scrapes my core with a ticklish flutter
shoulders lift up into a hunch; absolutely automatic
the top tray of teeth lock clenched into the bottom tray’s hold
a fleet of air hisses in and out of two nostrils like a monk’s meditation
capacious eyes flicker from
the lid to the lash to the iris to the pupil to see everything

everyone is staring
everything is too intimidating to look at for longer than two seconds
then, the tunnel
the clearest, acute vision waters into a soft edged frame,
into a pixel mud of a picture, into a black peripheral,
black corners rounding in – a narrow and petty circle
I use it and follow it to wherever my
deepened impulse decides to take me

silently contemplating,
silently speculating,
silently examining
the fears I let my feeble self
get swallowed up in.

there is a difference between honesty and candour.

there is a difference between pleasure and joy.

a difference between relief and relaxation.

a difference between sufficient and fit.

between comfy and cozy.

between placidity and tranquility.

between restraint and stillness.

between care and cherish.

light and shine.

love and in love.

easy and natural.

real and true.

Dear You,

You are divine. You are so sweet and precious, if only you knew what it’s like to witness you laughing like nothing else matters but the nice tingling joy swelling inside of your being. Your joy is contagious and it ignites warmth in my heart.

You are remarkable. The pure resonance in your voice meets an angel’s when you speak from your heart. I love the sound of your truth. I love the sound of what you like to share about yourself. And when you feel shy or a bit ashamed of what you speak of in front of others, I still think you’re great, because you’ve got the guts to try.

You’re beautiful too. You’re beautiful when you know it and you are beautiful when you don’t know it. I love it when you know it because you smile a lot more. Your smile is one of the most beautiful things about you. Your nose crinkles and your eyes squint and your teeth are exposed. You look so vulnerable and strong at the same time, it’s mesmerizing.

Also, you are mighty talented! When you do something you love to do, you are creating bits of unique love and sending them into the universe for everyone to enjoy. Your creations are brilliant, because you made something that has never been made before. That’s amazing! Your passions guide you and help you grow in such fantastic ways. When you doubt yourself, you’re pulling away from enjoying yourself. There is so much to enjoy about you! Everything you’ve created has you in it, isn’t that spectacular?

And it’s okay to deny all of these things about yourself, because that’s a very human thing to do. If we didn’t know what it felt like to fail, then we wouldn’t even understand the feeling of success, nor would we try to achieve it. It’s funny though, because you are always succeeding, just by being you! You are even succeeding when you think you’re failing because you’re trying and you’re breathing and you’re living. You are so complete and self-sufficient, even when you forget that you are. You are a whole, unique human with whole, unique thoughts and feelings. You get to be a part of this world and share such sincerely beautiful, wise and joyous things that have the ability to inspire other people and help them heal! Wow. You can help others heal. You can help others create. You can help others grow. Just by being who you are.

It’s mind-blowing really.

it’s windy
outside

it’s windy
inside

i gather
in my mind

that you and i
combined

is a tree
in the wind

skin touching
skin

a soul between
twins

the dimples
of a grin

the leaf and
the tige

the lips and
the teeth

like coffee
like tea

the birds
fly free

the song’s
sung true

i’m in love
with you

i gather
in my mind

that you and i
combined

is more than
meets the eye

with you
i feel more alive

than i can
describe