there’s a moth crawling up my kitchen wall

I had the sudden urge to **** it

smother it with a kleenex

swat it with a rolled up magazine

it keeps crawling up

losing its steadiness, almost falling

then regaining its steadiness again

moths freak me out

they look creepy

they look fragile

they look contaminated

perhaps they are contaminated with curiosity

so am I

their flickering flame is my flickering self-sabotage

I had an urge

I wanted to **** it

I’m just like this curious creature

just as fragile

just as contaminated

I might as well be looking in a mirror

and I had the urge to **** it

hey there, i’ve got some bad news

it’ll wrap your neck tight with a noose

until your cheeks turn purple-blue

and you can’t feel your feet in your shoes

you’ll want to pick up a bottle of *****

and down it until your body feels abused

you’ll pass out and wake up confused

perhaps with a new drunken tattoo

all of your friends may be amused

but your regret and shame will suffuse

each time they point, laugh and slap the bruise

you’ll hide your pain ‘cos that’s what strong people do

and resentment will ride high through and through

‘til your face turns rock cold and you make the excuse

that everyone is ****** and they’re the ones to accuse

you’ll abandon your home without saying adieu

because you don’t need people that make you feel deduced

you don’t need to feel like you are being used

to the point you turn dark and only want to seclude

from love itself cause you can’t trust that it’s true

you can’t trust that it’s safe or that it won’t lead you askew

you might want to die, though the thought is so taboo

you’ll judge yourself for holding onto society’s views

until it comes to the point where you can’t handle the queue

the waiting for love gets tough but the whole time you grew

and it’s not so bad anymore, it even almost ensues

so you get on a boat, and row your canoe

out in the river, it’s just the water and you

and you’ll realize, finally that you’ve got nothing to lose

I opened my eyes and saw fireworks
how silly, I thought

those are street lights
I could’ve sworn they were fireworks

ripples of rhapsody saturating through my skin

*******
did you know, you’re my favourite person to kiss?

the sweet-gentle ones and the devoted-amore ones
the quick-teasing ones and the I’ve-gotta-take-a-breath-now ones
the infallible tongue and the soft grazing of lips
your hands lowering all the way down to my hips

we are a tidal wave merging in and out of the ocean

unity

harmony

zeal

I don’t care if we’re in a car, it’s nirvana all the same
heaven and azure

all the particles of my body click into place and everything
fits together
like a bowl of summer fruit

I opened my eyes and remembered
where we were

I opened my eyes and remembered
we existed

sail boats
and oceans

and really anything that floats and carries a person

far away
in a big body of water

I don’t think I have to say why

it’s obvious

I’m sure everyone has a thing for sail boats
and oceans

I like busses too
I seem to get really impatient on them, and I like that a lot
because I know I can’t do anything about it

it’s a game of
Will I Go Crazy Or Will I Have A Snooze?

I like being stuck between being stuck and being unstuck

one day I want to sit on a bus for 24 hours and see what happens
(I will be doing a lot of that in the month of October)

I’ll bring books, my iPod and movies to watch on my laptop
but I’ll probably just stare out the window hours on end
tall buildings will turn into blurry trees and blurry trees
will turn into pixilated neon canola crops
and there’ll be cows and ponies and one long road

to Montreal
then Toronto

then who the **** knows where because I am already dreading
going home after the trip
even though I haven’t left for the trip yet

it’s months to come

I have a thing for finding a new home
everywhere I go

but I never find one

I like the process of looking for a really long time
then giving up from discouragement and sad feelings of
abandonment stemmed from my childhood daddy issues

I’m pretty sure everyone has daddy-abandonment issues

I have a thing for assuming every one has the same problems
that I do

but it turns out that there are loads of girls that like to eat
lots
and don’t feel ashamed of the extra scoop of
double fudge ice cream

and there are teenagers that get along with their fathers
and look up to them
they go out for lunches and joke about dates and fix cars
and tell their little girls they’ll always be their little girls
and go on awkward shopping sprees and barbecue

but everyone has a thing for sail boats and water
we all want to escape

our eating disorder and drinking problem
a skinny body or a bulky body
bad grades and perfectionism
the people pleasing pushovers
fathers and mothers and old european traditions
family dinners that go perfectly and are so boring because of it

the fragility of feeling unique
the arrogance of feeling unique
the lack of faith in ourselves

being alone

put on a gown
and wave like a queen

in a batmobile

you keep your crown stored
in a top dresser drawer

underneath black lace lingerie
with the tags still on

put it on

you’ve got nice legs

notice them

I’d **** for a body like yours
so put your hand on your chest

and feel the beat tell you
you’re worth so much more

than you think you are
so it’s about time

you opened that top drawer