In a perfect world
I would have you
I would be pretty
I would be smart
I would be perfect
But perfect doesn’t exist
So instead I go unnoticed
I’m not pretty, no matter how much I put makeup on
I’m failing my classes
This is a cold world
It's far from perfect

Turn off your voice
that says " i love you "

Turn off the charm
that draws me in

Turn off your smile
that beats my heart

Turn off the light
that bathes me in sin

Turn off the passion
that once was red

Turn off the ***
that haunts my bed

Turn off your touch
that melts my skin

Turn off the now
and let forever begin

There is a phone in my hand,
black and square and shining,
and I wonder if this means it's the end.

My grandmother always said that you would do
anything for the ones you love.
She knew you well, she did,
and now, I wonder if the absence of you is
supposed to be my sign.
It's easy for her to talk about love.
(Her husband crossed the ocean to tell her
how much he needed her.)

So what does it mean when the one you love
won't even pick up the phone and
call you?

I know what it means,
but I still think of your voice through the receiver
and wait.

You were there when I stood in front of the mirror
and ****** my stomach in,
wishing I could make it there sooner.

You were there when I didn't eat breakfast, lunch,
and threw up my dinner every night.

You were there when our lunch table overcrowded
and we sat on the floor.

It was your face, the one you didn't mean to make,
that made me want to stop.

Your eyes can't hide a thing, and when you cracked
for just two seconds,

You made me want to retire my razors, and stop
counting calories.

You were there when I stopped gagging and gained
it all, plus more, back.

And you were still there when I stood infront of the mirror
and ****** my stomach in,
trying hard to lie to myself.

And your still here, but now I'm lying to you,
my most loyal friend, while I hide in the
bathroom with ******* down my throat.

She watched as the man picked the petals off of the flower. "How devastating," she thought, worried it may soon wilt. She looked closer at it as it stood up vibrantly in the man's hands, free of the leaves. The woman then realized the flower was no longer suffocating, but blooming, blooming quickly, and was so utterly alive in that moment.

You left today.
Just took off,
Gone to find yourself in new ways,
To explore the world.
And I am so proud of you for doing this.
So proud that you are willing
And ready
To be so brave
And adventurous.
I am so happy that you are happy,
Doing this thing that you so badly
Want to do.
I am jealous, even,
Of your ambition and your confidence.
Of how you feel so comfortable leaving
Everything
And everyone
Behind.
I know you, though.
And I know you'll be fine.
And I know you'll have fun.
And I know this is so important for you,
Such an awesome experience.
But I miss you.
And I guess that's the bottom line,
Isn't it?

some nights i'm not so right in the head
some nights i think i'd be better off dead