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Samantha Jane Jan 2014
I never told you this
when you sat across from me
how could I ever be
what you wanted?
A facade of painted faces
and plastic words
to become what you would see.

I never told you this
on that last day of summer
when we parted ways for the final time.
To break your heart into smaller pieces
was something I could not live with.

I never told you this
in that message
sent in a weary haze of overstudying
and sleepless nights.
How could I tell you the truth
when you had already moved on?

I never told you this
then when I was confused and naive
drunk on the thoughts of us
and how well we fit.

I never told you this
because I was scared of rejection
but now you are with someone else
and it might be too late.

So, I'm sorry I never told you...
I love you
Samantha Jane Jan 2014
I remember a time when life was simple.
My imagination could run wild
without the fear of being snuffed out;
when I was beguiled
about life.

I commemorate the moments of freedom,
the seconds of innocence.
When I was not constricted to any doubt.
When there was justice
for petty mistakes.

I reminisce in the stages of childhood;
each one new and exciting.
When there was no set route,
and I was not abiding
by unknown rules.
That time, the moments, those stages
are gone.

Life is no longer simple.
I am no longer free, but a prisoner
Becoming less wild and more ‘domestic.’
Being shaped into a lie
by societies expectations.

I remember a time when life was simple
And I could be anyone I wanted.
Samantha Jane Jan 2014
Five months on the front
Between Arras and Albert
Both sides hunt
For the other

Redcoats and Frogs side by side
Putting away their hate
Both filled with pride
To fight

Drain the Fritz of their resources
Push them back as far as they could
But the enemy observes
And are waiting

Huge frontal attack, approached on foot
Ordered by General Haig
The Germans stayed put
And killed from afar

July 1st was day one
November 18th was the last
When all the guns
Were dead

It was the bloodiest battle anyone saw
Over one million deceased
No mortal law
Ruled here

13 Kilometers were gained
Using tanks and heavy gear
Reserves were drained
Yet no one cared

Friends, fathers, husbands, brothers,
Fought and lost their lives
For the children, sisters, wives and mothers
Who were left behind

Only gravediggers make money here
Samantha Jane Jan 2014
It gets better they promised
they lied
now i am standing here young-tied
not sure how to explain myself
the words the looks the thoughts
led past the point of no return
kicking and screaming i tried to release
from the bonds that constricted my soul
a convict escaping through a tunnel
i dug my way to hell and back

It gets better they said
as they stood and watched me fall into oblivion
day after day sinking deeper into the darkness
begging for the solace that never came

It gets better she said
as she took a knife and cut you from the picture
yet you clung to lost hope and broken dreams
the lies and the betrayal came to you like air
breathing in the false truths
basking in the tears
feigning innocence and guilt
For the wrong reasons

It gets better i chant
as I try to see the good you don't have
the good that has been gone my whole life
abandoning me and him
leaving us to bleed from the wounds the secrets caused

Does it get better
i wonder as i witness your actions
you who has ripped apart the carefully placed stitches
you who tore apart my heart and picked apart my brain
all because you laugh at the pain you cause

Tomorrow will be better
i plead on my knees
bearing my soul to the God that you taught me to believe in
the God who you claim to follow
yet your actions say otherwise

With time it gets better...
does it?
Samantha Jane Jan 2014
A mighty King sits high on his throne
He is all alone.
A ruler of nothing with borrowed grace
In time he will learn his place.
A crown of lies lays upon his head.
Troupes of darkness does he command.
An army of despair pillars and plunges
While the lone King judges.
Sire of insanity.
Murderer of hope.
Dusty robes in which he is clothed
Do not belong.
Carrying a sword bathed in tears
None will sing his song.
Heart of stone.
Thrown of fire.
He will never know love
Samantha Jane Jan 2014
10 is the number of years it took for me to see the truth
The truth behind Disney princesses and frog kisses
The second star to the right was pushed to the back of the mind
I did not carry on till morning but to reality.

9 is the number of times per day I thought I was not pretty
That no one could love me because of the marks only I could see
I could not keep up with the Disney princesses
Because I never looked good in any dresses
And then I started to change

8 is the number of times I thought about starvation
To fit the supposed transfiguration I needed to be

7 is the number of presentations it took
For me to feel that I wasn’t ugly

6 is the number of seconds it took for me to forget
That I could get away from the thought of skinny

5 is the number of time I chanted each minute
That I could be more than anyone said

4 is how many months I worked to be me

3 is the number of words that it takes
To gain confidence

2 is the number of hours I could chant those words

1 does not need to be said
Because you are beautiful
Do not forget the wonder you hold
The greatness you can achieve

Do not bend to change to look like the Disney princesses
You will always able to get those frog kisses
If you be yourself
You are beautiful

— The End —