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little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.
Sometimes when I am sad
I go home and I watch sad movies
I give and snivel out snot laced tissues
of worthlessness

I cry tears of pain
But not because of what Character A has done to Character B
But because of what mother and father
have done to me

I am tired of turning away
I am tired of being strong
I am tired of being second on your to do list
I am tired of your misogynistic comments

So I press play again
And **** in worlds of fantasy
Because it's easier than coming to terms with my reality
Easier than ******* it up just to be handed a second serving

So no, I'm not done with this particular movie
Yes I know I have seen it 12 times today
And in a moment I will make it 13
If you touch this remote you will taste regret in the blood that comes out of your gums

The only thing you can help with is getting me another ******* box of tissues
I didn't come here to face my issues
I didn't come here to be strong
I came here to be weak when no one else is looking

So please ignore me.
Please pay attention to the smile I plaster on my face
The clothes that become a second skin in the morning
And the words that come out of my mouth border lining a scream

Because it's easier
It's easier than facing it alone. Where is my princess?
Where was my coat of armor when they threw me in the dragons lair
My life was supposed to be a fantasy book but someone forgot to write in the happy ending

And if it's not a fairy tale please let me pretend
Because I already know the answer that every life is a tragedy
Because everyone dies in the end
I just wanted a prince charming to die with me in my sleep but I guess i'm sticking with *****

There is no happy ending
And there is no neverland
There's just you and me and characters a b and c
So someone please change the ******* channel and get me out of here
To the boy in my German class who critizised me for picking a male name instead of a female one.

I wonder how your head will ****
When you see your best friend Joey
Become Johanna

I wonder how your jaw will drop
When you see your son
Beg to be bought a dress

I wonder how your ears will suffer
When your daughter
Shows up at your home with her girlfriend

I wonder if you will care
You called me crazy
My name is Dirk

My name is Gender Roles
If you are born a female
I come with
Flowers

I come with
Barbies and pink accessories
I come with pink kitchen sets
and doll hair brushes and fake makeup

I come with pink
I come with pink
I come with pink
I come with pink

I come in fusha
I come in burgandy
I come in lilac
I come in white

For the added package
I come with liposuction
and days without food

I come with too tight clothes
and more labels than you can count
I come with kitchen jokes

I come with being judged if you
had ***
or
Haven't

But wait there's more

If you are male
I come with toy trucks
And remote controls
I come with not crying

I come with blue *****
And Sunday football games
And rough housing and be a man

Be a man
Be a man
Be a man
Be a man

I come in Testosterone black
I come in beaten up blue
I come in Grades don't matter green
I come in what're you looking at white

For the added package
I come with teasing
Required gym time
Peer preasure
Don't cry

I come with straightness
And close minded friends
I come with video games
I come with make the money

Pay for dinner
Pay for movies
Pay for living
Pay for squirming

I come with physical torture

Critizised
For having ***
or
Not having ***

My name is Gender roles and I come in a school room
My name is Izzie and I'm alive
My name is Christy and I'm crying
My name is Dirk and I am satisfied

My name is Gender roles
This requires insight. In my German 1 class we are allowed to pick German names to be called that for the remainder of the year. We had an option of choosing female names and male names. I chose Dirk. (Deerk pronounced)
I think my mom's a homophobe
I think this because she said broken truths when I told her about homecoming
I told her about the girl with soft lips and small hands that fit perfectly with mine
But I just called her Haley

I had new words she told me
They suspiciously matched my schools words
Freak abomination loser
I now wonder if they were talking on the sidelines

I know
I'm supposed to love my mom
But do I still have to
If she hated me first?

She praised the all loving god onto me
Telling me his love was a lie
And I was going with the sinners
To the place where they drink fire *****

I think my mom's a homophobe
I text my religious cousin
Does God love everyone
Undoubtedly because you are perfect to Him

Then why does my mom hate me?
She made me get on my knees and pray
Pray a prayer I hope goes unanswered
By those who I think aren't even there

I think my mom's a homophobe
I know I'm supposed to love my mother
But how can I
If I don't even know how to love myself?

Every
What is that
You're such a waste
It can be cured

Like a snake on the asphalt basking in the hate
Until the asphalt is the road and I am run over by
Self pity. Self Hatrid. Self Absorbed.

Yes **** the terrorists
**** the rapists
**** the robbers
and the muggers

**** them all
Because who I love
Is more important
Me, I'm in dire need of your opinion

Mirrors don't line my eyes up anymore
I think they forgot where to put them
Because I forgot
Where to look

Looking only at the negative
Going on suicide boards
Instead of
Love boards

Why am I the one being subjected to evil
When I am only trying to love
Being hated for only
Loving

Mirror mirror on the wall
Who is the prettiest of them all
My lover is the one I see
Her soft lips and small hands

I think my moms a homophobe
And I don't know how to breath anymore
she gotta mouth full of poetry.
and a head full of humans.

her night is pacing black
to bright and
back to days
she didn’t feel
like facing.

whisper to the moon
all those crazy stories the sun doesn’t
like.

and live.
lovely.
live.
1 + 1  isn't math.
It's life and it isn't hard.

1 + 1 is love.
A universal concept
of criss-crossed hands.
Blue eyes to others
hugging their gaze.  

1 + 1 is war.
Two acidic cultures
colliding and sizzling
at contact. Blood
Hot. Black.

1 + 1 is curiosity
Glassy eyes on charcoal talons
Wrinkled trunk 'round tail of dog
Feeble finger ravaged by thousands of legs
Paint Africa upon my hands.

1 + 1 are footprints
of mud on the porch.
Yours between mine.
Toes so close and mud still fresh.

But for those,
who have the most unfortunate
pleasure of removing
themselves from
infinity.
1 + 1 = 2.

How sad.
The expendable existence.
That uncomfortable rat on your skin.
The cut in your gums that bleeds when you chew.

The last feasible member to fit on an ascending elevator.
Warm.
Hot.
Itching.

The spinach in your teeth.
The tear in your jeans located too close to “there”
The treacherous unzipped jean fiasco.

That crumb on your face.
Where is it?
‘To the left’
Is it gone?
‘A little more’
How ‘bout now?
‘Got it.’

The untied shoe.
The untucked shirt.
The eyelash stranded on your face.

The rainy wedding day.
The gold earring under the fridge.
The luggage thats flying to London instead of Zimbabwe.

These are the unwanted little honeybees of everyday being.
cracked mirrors, guitar-snapped strings,
welts of fire and third wheel things.
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