.

I sit here
drinking six bag Bengal Spice tea
listening to Pandora
while my brother eats his breakfast behind me.
The song changes and I recognize it,
a little too well;
One Saturday at the Sequim food bank,
the only week he ever had me man the meat freezer
and not the bread room or dairy room.
I had to sneeze
So I took the back hallway
to stand among the shelves of toilet paper and soap.
She was taking a load out front-
soap and cans from the canning room.
She was singing this song
didn't see me standing on the other side of that shelf.
She had been the reason I started volunteering here,
or half the reason;
I wanted to volunteer and do something fulfilling
but I also wanted to learn her name.

This is one of the only times in my life
where I acted on impulse-
I started singing too,
my deep bass and her soprano creating a melody
that makes me want to skip this song
because it isn't the same.
But I listen to remember her reaction-
instead of walking away, stopping or sighing-
she kept singing, laughing just a little bit
letting me hear the smile on her lips.

She finished grabbing what she needed
and walked away, still laughing
still smiling as she walked into the hallway
(which was the only lit place back here)
and kept singing, even as she sat back at the front desk.
I returned to my position a minute later-
15 feet from her.

In ten weeks of volunteering there
that was the most we ever spoke to each other
and I wouldn't wish it any other way.

It feels too early for them to be playing the ******* Wii
and I realize I can't even see them
but I feel each of them step on my head
hear each of them yell at me to wake up
that I've been asleep too long.
I roll over and try to my eyes
but realize they're already open, and have been.
I unclench the blanket
from my stomach
which is screaming near as much as my head.
And I quit blaming the headache and stomachache on them-
they are fast asleep
and I'm just hallucinating their presence
and 6 in the morning
because those aren't dreams
they are hallucinations.
Or so I find when I take my phone out of my pillow
(beating it on the ground because i can't find the end of the case)
to see why my phone alarm hasn't gone off.
my phone says it is 2:30
and I realize that I set the clock three and a half hours ahead
in my half lucid state.
I stand,
separating myself, in a less than graceful manner
from my brothers carpet.
I stumble through the doorway
lit by the lamp he always keeps on
through the dark hallway
and into the bathroom.
I flip on the light and shut and lock the door in one movement.
my eyes are tired and bloodshot
my head and stomach hurt.
I let a small stream of cold water go
and splash it over my face and open eyes.
that does nothing.
I through more water over my front.
no effect.
I try to scream but no sound comes out.
I open the the door
letting the lock pop loudly enough to deserve a four hour lecture.
I'm tired of lectures.
I stumble back to my makeshift floor bed
and try to lay down.
my stomach complains
I can't bend all the way.
I pick up my blankets and pillows
(silently screaming)
and carry them to the small couch.
I flip the tv stand over and throw grandma's blankets and pillows
I'm done giving a ****.
I throw my bed down and lie there.
for two and a half hours I try to sleep.
I'm too tall
I decide around five.
I stand
throw the tv stand
all the other pillows and the phonebook
the other way
and lay down on the large couch.
it takes me fifteen minutes to fall asleep.
forty five minutes later
I wake up to him screaming at me.

She sits there
fifteen feet from me
alone.
tears are frozen in her eyes
have been for a few days.
I know how she gets,
I used to wipe away those tears.
But now I just sit here and pretend not to notice
because she told me to.
And that's what hurts-
not that she told me to-
but that I can't disobey
and go sit there.

There are two tonight-
two ambulances,
red lights illuminating the dark neighborhood
as they make their weekly trip to the old folks home
at the end of the street.
This could be the end of eight decades for someone
for a neighbor of mine.
Could be one less crazy old woman
walking down the street shouting at the neighborhood dogs
(and mailboxes).
The lights fade from view as they cross 9th.
A tear falls to my desk
as I wonder
"who was that?
what ended tonight?"
and as I lay down and roll over to stare at the wall
I imagine who they could have been.

It's driving me absolutely insane
that I can't get this girl out of my brain
even though she's a little young for me.

I can't remember the last time I was crushin
I guess it makes for a good discussion
my friends think it'd be good but would she?

Love comes in hearts not ages
hits people at different stages
It's a part of all decisions
makes for emotional collisions
and most of all it brings us pain,
until the perfect person comes along, and brings us everything.

I can't believe my hearts racin
this much over a girl I'm chasin
I want to know if I can win.

The fight for her is gettin fun
I'm wondering if she could be the one
or am I just gonna hurt a girl again?

Love comes in hearts not ages
hits people at different stages
It's a part of all decisions
makes for emotional collisions
and most of all it brings us pain,
until the perfect person comes along, and brings us everything.

I guess life's about taking chances
seeing what come of summer romances
and trying to figure out God's plan.

This seems like such a giant task
but I just really want to ask
if this girl will let me be her man.

Love comes in hearts not ages
hits people at different stages
It's a part of all decisions
makes for emotional collisions
and most of all it brings us pain,
until the perfect person comes along, and brings us everything.

Until the perfect person comes along, and brings us everything.

Love isn't hearts
Love isn't cupid
Love isn't smart
Love isn't stupid
Love isn't a girl or guy
Love isn't a thing
Love isn't an object to buy
Love isn't a ring

These are just symbols of love that the world throws at you to make you believe in it the way they do. So what is love really?

Love is sacrifice, commitment, and trust.
Love is love, not lust.
like a wave in the ocean
Love is an action rooted by an emotion.
Love gives before it takes
Love makes many mistakes
but love always forgives
because part of you lives
in love and love lives in you
which is why one flesh comes from two.
Love will be there for you, when you're not there for it
Love won't say a word but will hold you and sit
silently taking away some of your pain
even though from it love has nothing to gain.
If you want love to love you then you need to love love
because that's what true love is made of.