hello anxiety my old friend.
been awhile since i've given into my old ways.
kinda strange, to be standing on your doorstep.
woulda thought i'd find somewhere else to be.

wild thoughts running through my head.
and i, i didn't even think you still cared for me.
truth is, i'm not the same person i was months ago,
and you, you probably will never believe that ever.

my world has shrunk again, and i gotta get out of here.
desperate for something to balance me once more.
i can't help but cling to the same draining thoughts.
i can't help but close myself off from the entire world.

hello anxiety my old friend.
are you here to once more throw everything in my face?
you're desperate to prove to me that i'll never change.
you've torn everything apart and blame me.

take my hand, love, and just give me some clarity.

it's a relief to be with you.
it's just like breathing in and out.
so natural that i don't have to think twice.
I'd choose you over everything else.

the last time i did this, i was trapped.
i couldn't breathe, couldn't think.
i drank and swallowed pills instead.
i thought dying was the only way i could free myself.

you lead in this dance, but i trust you to catch me if i fall.
i'm not scared of you.
i'll give you all i have and more.

fingertips stumbling over worn pages.

i love you's lost in the wind.

just wait for the sun.

she'll come warm you up love

i woke up this morning and felt something shift inside me.
it was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders; it was freeing.
i could breathe easier, think more clearly, and talk coherently.
i didn't check to see if anyone was watching me through the window.

in case you're wondering, i don't think of you much anymore.
my mind doesn't wander to thoughts of you and me and what was us.
my head is less crowded now that i've finally let go of you and me and us.
i sleep through the night, and that had never happened before.

i woke up this morning, and i smiled sincerely for the first time in weeks.
my freckles don't stand so stark against my skin in the mirror.
i'm starting to really love the girl i see in my reflection.
i'm starting to think and to believe that i can and will accomplish my dreams.

in case you're wondering, i'm not the broken girl you used to love.
i don't constantly wonder if i'm enough for anyone anymore.
i don't wonder why you couldn't love me the right way from the start.
and whatever good times we shared, well, i threw them out with last week's trash.
because we never really were in love, were we now?

you didn't make time, you were never really there and i know you never truly cared.
and i was a fool for staying by your side when all you ever did and continued to do was lift me up and then knock me down.
and i'm not a fool for your love anymore.
i moved on to something bigger and better and have no room for you in my life anymore.

last night i dreamed that i was all alone again.
standing in the sand, i watched the water carry you away.
i scrambled to find a hold in the grains, but i tumbled down the dunes.
i heard the seagulls crying, mourning the same loss as i.

that morning, i buried my broken and bleeding heart.
i dug a hole so deep, not even i could rescue and revive it.
shoulders slumped, i walked on glass, my back turned on my sorrow.
i awoke with tears in my eyes, and a ball of dread so big that i felt sick.

intertwine your fingers in mine.
brush your lips over my cheek.
run your eyes over my being.

lay next to me and please don't leave.
promise me this is what we deserve.
that you and me are gonna last.

this is what I've been looking for.
someone to call my own.
a love that i've been denied.

scorned by an ex lover, i'm broken.
and you say i'm still flawless.
deprived of kindness, i'm scared.
you move slowly with me, and love me.

i love you, you wonderful kind man.
you and i fit so well together.
let's keep doing this forever please.

amongst the rain and the wet moss surrounding the concrete,
daffodils push through the cement and the cracks in the sidewalk.
Ever since I left the big city, bits of spring pop through.
Little reminders of why I should stay and not go back to the lights.