MeToo

If all the people who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote "me too" as their status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.

I've never felt so much anger before towards anyone.
Have you ever looked someone in the eye and have them tell you that you should've kept the child that was planted in you by a stranger who drugged and ****** you?
Have you wiped the tears of a woman in despair because she was ***** and told she wasn't allowed to get an abortion?
Have you curled up in a ball, trying to figure out who to tell about your personal experience of ****** assault and ****?
Tell me, person who says abortion is a sin and that it is relative to the holocaust, will my ****** support me?
Will my ****** pay for doctors visits?
Will my ****** pay the medicals bills for giving birth?
Will my ****** pay child support?
**** no and don't tell me that I should always save the child.
Excuse me if I don't want to carry my ******'s child inside of me.
My body. My choice.
MY BODY. MY CHOICE.

So much has happened lately yet I've no inspiration whatsoever to write anything about it.
I know y'all were hoping I'd write something worth your time, but y'all outta luck on that front.
So, keep y'all's heads up and keep smiling and laughing.
I'm hoping to come back later with something worth reading.

Summer's coming to an end, and fall's soon to set in.
The morning has a chill in the air, and you can see your breath.
You'd like it here, more so than anywhere else.
The cold cement and the corners of the buildings are a lovely mix.
You can still be part of the crowd, yet be distanced at the same time.
And I, will hold my breath until my life ceases to be known.
I've had months to learn how to stand on my own.
People gave me a free pass, hell, I gave myself a free pass.
so cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it, or at least i think that's the saying.
Or cowboy up, and quit your cryin and complainin and get back on the horse that threw ya and keep going.
Ain't nobody going to hold your hand forever, and ya gotta stand on your own.

I want you to create a home within me.
My bones will creak and weep like old floorboards, my eyes will shimmer like attic windows and i'll radiate heat like the ancient gas stove.
You can lock the doors to the rooms you don't want to sleep in, you can board the windows to the places of me you want to keep dark.
You can put a Welcome mat on the front porch if you decide you want to share me.
You can paint the walls a new color and put putty in the holes people gave me.
You can make me a vacation home and only visit me when you want, leaving me alone the other three seasons you're gone living your life without a home.
Just whatever you do, don't leave ghosts behind in me.
I want you to create a home within me.

Can you feel that? That's the feeling of my heart beating in my chest.
That's the sound of a little girl's heart trying desperately to stay whole.
And no, she's not trying to stabilize her breathing, she's fighting for air.

Ask anyone and they'll say that he was the reason she kept living.
They'll create this big narrative, painting him as the savior.
Leaving me in the shadows of the heroic deed this man has done.

I was the one who helped her fight for her life.
not him. that was me.
It was my hands that held hers and it was my voice that begged her to live.

He'll claim that he convinced her to live for it wasn't her time.
Persuasion comes in the form of hazel eyes, a warm face and smooth vocals.
But. so do lies.
and he lied.

Because that little girl was and is me.
we are the same.
while she was hiding from pain under a table, I was there right beside her.
we are the same.

and when voices rose in pitch and fingers pointed blame at us, I held her hand.
holding my breath alongside her while trying to listen in to the argument.

we are the same.
we are the same.

Sometimes I get an odd feeling, the kind that you're not sure of.
And sometimes, the words you say create that odd feeling inside of me.
I do my best to shove it where the sun don't shine and it comes right back.

*******. There. I said it.

******* for ******* with my heart and my whole **** existence.
I've said a million times that I'm happy you and her are together.
I meant every word every single time and wouldn't take it back.

And maybe you didn't mean to cause me pain, but it still happened.
Maybe you didn't mean for your words to change my life, but they did.
How could you have known? it's not like we ever talked about this.

It was staring us in the face, love, and we were unable to see it clearly.
It's not your fault, and it's not mine either.
We didn't give ourselves the chance or time to sort it all out together.
And that's just okay; I promise you it's all okay.