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Samantha Bauman Dec 2013
there is something about being in the air
I can see downwards,
but don't know who's down there
it's a mutual anonymity
I don't know them and they don't know me
all they can see is this white metal
at least when we are not in shrouds
as we pass through the clouds
when I fly,
I like to think about what I am leaving behind
leaving behind what I know
because I have the opportunity to go
I can pause my life
as I cross lands by class
though, I prefer flying at night
so I can see all of the city lights
then I lose my mutual relationship
instead I am a dark secret
that maybe someone can see the blinking light of the plane
when they look up to the stars
Do they wonder who is up there?
Do they want to be up as well?
Leave their life as it is
not for long, just a couple days
that's what I used to do as a child
back when my unadulterated mind was wild
my thoughts were tangled and I saw things lightly
it was always a surprise to see a plane fly by me
because in the middle of nowhere,
there's nothing
but I was a child just staring in the sky,
and wondering who's up that high
Samantha Bauman Dec 2013
sometimes I feel like I am drowning
though I am on land
I get so stuck in my head,
I forget everything
until someone reminds me again
that there is a fire inside of me
and I am the only one who can keep it burning
I will take this world head on
I will be a force that you will not forget
I will not live with regrets
because life is too short for these thoughts
and yet I am underwater
and I can't seem to swim
to lose the will to live
is something of myself I will have to forgive
my mind is my own betrayer
the most cunning liar
I keep going back and forth between mentalities
and it's exhausting
I try to find the middle ground
swim up for air
but when I am under,
I'm so scared that nothing will be up there
I know that so many others care
but I feel alone everywhere
I am so selfish
my life isn't that bad I am told
but this sadness gets old
same little pills, white and yellow
to keep my mind under control
my little mind saviors
from my mind betrayer
and yet my heart beats
and I am here
I am alive in the least
this is something I can beat
there is no demean I cannot defeat
I  am a warrior
I am my own savior
I will find recovery
I will be happy
I must promise this to myself
instead of everyone else
they do not feel what I feel
I can't keep promising to others
that I will stay on my feet
my own potential I will meet
and I will read this poem later
and know that I had made it
Samantha Bauman Dec 2013
I tried to call you yesterday,
I thought it was finally time
But all I got was your voicemail
Told me to leave a message at the beep
Which sounded more like a chime
I didn’t have the nerve to leave a message
I didn’t know what to say that would make it all okay

Do I tell you that you are always on my mind
Do I tell you that I made a huge mistake?
Do I tell you that it wasn’t what you thought it was
Tell you it wasn’t love, just lust
I’m sorry doesn’t cut it
And I don’t have the courage to leave a message

It’s been a very long month
I’ve waited long enough
I want to prove to you how much I love you
I know that I ****** up
I’ll make it up to you I swear
But for the voicemail I’m just not prepared

I called you again and you picked up the phone
I had gotten so close to the last dial tone
I almost cried when I heard your voice
Even though I could tell that you were annoyed.
Please just listen, I love you,
Give me a second chance
I’ll never do it again
Please just listen, I love you
I love you
Samantha Bauman Dec 2013
I want to write my first poem about you,
find some inspiration.
I would like to be in your arms,
kissing and exhilaration.
I hope you can trust me,
and this,
and us,
and I,
just want you in the bed next to me.
Samantha Bauman Nov 2013
I was so young,
I thought I knew it all.
But it wasn't long,
Before I found out I was wrong.

I did what I wanted without a doubt,
They say actions are louder than words.
And my actions were definitely loud.
I was determined to stand out in the crowd.

When I was younger I thought I ruled the land.
I wouldn't give a dime to be in those days again.
The town was small, but I lived large.
Life was my stage, and I was in charge.

I look at those days now and couldn't believe myself.
I took the yearbooks off the shelf.
Reminiscing my past friends and loves.
All the signatures in the pages.
I put them back when I had enough.

Sometimes I like to live in my past.
The great memories and the trouble I caused.
But you can't stay there,
You can't put life on pause.
Sometimes I like to live in my past.
Just sitting and remembering living young and dying fast.
Samantha Bauman Nov 2013
But she was a flower meant to be picked by a few,
But I was never the one who picked you.
For you merely blossomed into my days,
You blossomed and showed your colour in many ways.
There was something that this flower wanted me to see
And in that way, I think the flower picked me.

In each season you withstand
You compliment your friends down to an ocean's sand

One day I found myself in a flower bed.
There were many flowers,
a lot of blue and red
But I came a peculiar spot
There was one flower that had me caught

This was not a flower you would normally see
It had all sorts of colours
It reminded me of the sea
something that we couldn't touch

the waves always crashing in tides
this flower was neither yours, nor mine
so I left it behind
to blossom or to die
it wasn't for me to decide
Samantha Bauman Nov 2013
hot
in the media persons are portrayed as needing to be hot
I word I wish I not
I'm not saying that's what I am,
it's a word I've been called before
just hear me out
when I was just sixteen I had lost a lot of weight
size four from size eight
I got a lot of looks and a lot of words
I didn't think they were anything I deserved
because I was a person before that size
all these compliments felt like lies
then I started to hurt
I took in all these words
and I stopped eating meals
bag of mini-pretzels and water once a day
I wanted someone to notice but do you know what they would say?
you look, "hot"
you, "got hot"
I was destroying myself
losing pounds in two weeks
I had started to become weak
but no one noticed that something was wrong with me
I looked too good
I didn't need food
if only someone would
notice that I was starving myself
which is all I wanted
because I was haunted by keeping this image
but inside I was a wreckage
to keep being what they want
to just be hot
11/7/13
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