when they first saw you
did they see the unevenness in your smile
did they see how you push your hair back
and how you sometimes purse your lips before you talked
did they notice how it's so easy to see that you are thinking
like the thoughts are moving around in the air
you can feel, but not see
I would've seen it if it were me
but I'm not around anymore
that time has come and past
and I wait to find someone who will notice
things like these about myself
someone who will notice things I never knew before
you used to do that,
but you're not around anymore

you once called me a *****,
more than once I've told you to not talk to me anymore
I've fought my love for you a million times it seems
yet you stay in my dreams
you have been in my life since I sixteen
we're different people now
so what does this mean?
you work a job where you make over five thousand a week
you've cut your hair and don't wear your glasses
I got rid of my bangs and am now in college
I'm about to be in law school at twenty
what does this mean?
I haven't seen you in so long
yet you'll be here and I don't know if it'll be wrong
what if we're in love?
I wonder what we will say?
have we changed enough?
what does this mean?

white sheets and white pillows
sandy curtains on the window
hiding under blankets to keep warm
the darkness feels like a storm
in a place of palm trees
swaying to a breeze
one would think this is where the dream is
but that isn't always the case
one does not have to stay in the same place
it's nice to have the option to leave always
large hotels and ****** wi-fi
go do things without a real reason why
let the sunshine form freckles on my skin
to show the places that I've been
take a breath of the breeze
and let my mind ease

I have waited for this day for about a year,
and my head is full of fears
but when you are near
I hope that my head is clear
I won't be drowning underwater,
when I am on land
but I'll be by a beach
where I'll lay on the sand
listen to the ocean waves
and be comfortable with not having anything to say
because in that moment I'd like to think that things will be okay
so in a couple hours I'll be on an airplane
in the sky on my way to you
find out if the feelings are true
if we are the people we thought we knew
I need this vacation
I need this time
I'm ready to be by your side
I've waited and counted till today
and this feeling isn't something I can explain
I guess I'll see what happens
the greatest surprise I've experienced so far
truly to find out where we are
when all we want to do is run away
from the lives that we live day to day
maybe we can actually pull this off
or we will have to face the facts and accept the reality
I guess I will find out and see

I want to write
but societal expectations have taken my time
because I must get everything right
somehow balance school, work, and life
I must have everything in check
or it will all fall apart
or at least I will
I just want to write all the time
but I don't have the time at all