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 Apr 2013 Samantha
Francisco DH
If you were to leave today,
Pack my love in your suitcase
make some room and tuck it nicely so it won't wrinkle

If you were to leave today,
Don't say good bye to me
But instead say I  will see you later
Because the idea of you leaving for good
Makes me want to cry

If you were to leave today,
Leave slowly and keeping looking back
So I know you yourself didn't want to go

if you were to leave today
I would want you to know that I would miss you terribly
I would be the bird who's wings got clipped
The dog without his bone
I would want you to know I will never forget you
If you were to leave today
 Apr 2013 Samantha
Francisco DH
I have no idea whether I should stay put and endure whatever may come my way
Or seek refuge.
I have no idea if I should give in and let myself fade to nothing or if I should fight and struggle not to be led to the background
I don't know what to do.
 Jan 2013 Samantha
Francisco DH
Take A mintue to hear what is being said
I never chose to have feelings for men
Take a moment for it to register
That I could have married and had children with her
but I didn't
I decided to be honest and speak up
But I was shot down

Like a piegon shot from the sky
As it only wanted to fly

You tell me that you don't care when I am older
but right now I am a child i don't know any better
but I do
I know what I am and chose this route so later in life
I Wouldn't suffer as much

Like eating junk food everyday for lunch
and grwoing up to find out I have stomcah Problems because of my lunch

I chose this path, the path of coming out,  knowing the dangers
Knowing what Challenges I would have to face
And this path I am taking will make me stronger
 Jan 2013 Samantha
Francisco DH
Silence as he goes down the steps
he knows he musn't wake
his mother who sleeps upstairs
he musn't wake his sisters or his brothers

He opens the door to the bathroom
and Sees his reflection
UGLY, STUPID, WORTHLESS
Words like these bounce around his mind

His skull is a bouncy house and more words keep piling in
Wanting a chance to jump high
He opens the cupboard and sees the pills
A bottle of painkillers the doctor gave to his sister

He creeps back to his room
Slient like a night cat
and he sits on his bed with the note right beside
Sorry for being such a dissapointment, sorry for causing pain, I am gone now don't worry anymore i will longer I have to be a burden
he opens the cap and he can feel that he wants to cry

he pours the pills into his hand and takes each one
one at a time
I am gone, gone forever never to return again
No longer have to be a disapointment
I can be who I want to be after death
No longer having to feel less
No longer I have to be stong
*As I sing the sucide Song
A thought of this came up. just went with it.
 Jan 2013 Samantha
Francisco DH
I use to be in the closet
I use to go through all these false motions
Feel all these fake emotions
I would put the straight face on
But I would always feel out of place

The closet was where I would pack away all my insecurities.
I would put them in boxes for later so I could look back at the dark memories.
And whenever I felt threaten
I would hide in the closet
But the walls would sometimes come too closely
I would get claustrophobic
As it suffocated me slowly

Running out of oxygen, I would bang on the door to be let out  
I would scream, beg and I would shout to be let out
And when I finally mustered the strength to cross the threshold
I was shoved back in
I was told that I couldn't love him
I was told I was a sin, that I should have never been

I fought as they shut the door and turned the lock
I was in the closet but this time The new me wanted to be free
I tore the hinges from the closet door off
I tore down the walls and pounded them into dust
And after looking at my beautiful destruction I felt justice

Because the closet is man-made invention
To keep us under control
It’s like a shock collar; you cross the line that separates you get a lashin’
Its heavy rods and big metal ***** to weigh us down
It’s something they use to stifle us so we won’t make a sound
But I say no more

No more should I have to go back to the closet
To where I must feel shame
To where I must bear chains
The closet must not be, no more
 Jan 2013 Samantha
Francisco DH
I guess I am old fashioned
I have to ask premisson first before I ask him
I don't know why But I feel the need
Or something

Old Fashion I guess
 Jan 2013 Samantha
Francisco DH
Rumor has it* and
Everybody Talks about it
That you found another


Well guess what I can find Someone like you
Someone who will keep me Up all Night
Cause they a great lover

Thanks For the Memories
I will give you the Cold Shoulder
Cause you and me are over
I pretty sure this isn't that good but who knows
 Jan 2013 Samantha
D Conors
Exhale,
Inhale,
Exhale (let it all, all the lonliness go),
Inhale (and allow the lovingness to flow)
     breathe the romance
     in and out
let your entire being rejoice and shout,
"I'm in love!
Look and see!
I'm in love
and Love is in me!"

Inhale,
Exhale,
     breathe the romance.
D. Conors
04 August 2010
 Jan 2013 Samantha
Al M Rakun
HEAVY
 Jan 2013 Samantha
Al M Rakun
My insides have the best of me, the empty can be so heavy.
The beginning starts and leads, from and to nothing.
Anchors on my chest, and I can't feel my heart.
Nothing is around me, yet nothing is where it starts.

Vision alone won't make me see, what's lying in front of me.
Thoughts alone won't help me believe, what could and should come to be.
I burn questions in my head, like cigarrettes on my hand.
What is it that I fear? Middle of the ocean with no signs of land.

Pull me through the clouds, I wanna see how rain is made.
Then drop me back to earth, I wanna feel this endless rain.
But that isn't what I feel, retreat back to nothing.
When my pride is hurt and I feel that certain something.

I hate the way I am, leave before you're left.
Read the first page, then never read the rest.
Over think your thoughts, ignore any feelings.
Avoid pain at all costs, no such thing as healing.

All the drugs in the world couldn't **** who I am.
And nothing could stop my pretending to not give a ****.
I'll admit my fears rule me, they have me by the throat.
But one day i'll snare them, send the pain below.

I don't keep faith in the idea, now or never.
But times my worst enemy, I know the sooner the better.
The wind waves the oceans, and nothing makes the winds.
So without question we all feel nothing, and nothing is my friend.

This is where it begins and that is where it ends.
This is where it comes and that is where it sends.
It's true I can be heartless, when I can't find my heart.
It's hard to constantly travel, when it wanders off so far.
And I can be so selfish, when I don't know my self.
But change never changes, so this me can go to hell.

We all die more than once in a lifetime.
Blow away my image, it's in the palm of your hands.
Must there be an ending to this timeline?
Wolves will be vicious, when defending their lands.

I build walls of steel, when I begin to feel vulnerable.
So I can be independent, it's anything but honorable.
"It's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all."
Life doesn't run by a coin toss, can't just sit back and watch it fall.

It's ironic how silence, on the contrary, is the loudest thing in the world.
And how a tough facade, can shield such a weak, and tired insecure little girl.
 Jan 2013 Samantha
Megan
Friends?
 Jan 2013 Samantha
Megan
I didn't realize it would be this hard-
Going back to how things used to be
Who would've known 4 years could be erased with one fight
But the things you said..
Did you mean them?
Could you mean them?
How could you?
Whenever we talk now it feels contrived
But I'd like to get back to where we used to be
I hope I don't regret this.
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