Swimming in memories
Four minutes old
Trying to rewind to
Find the time for all the times I told
Myself

That I would never find true love
Never thought there'd be two loves
Two sets of hands that fit like gloves

Two seperate sets with unique functionalities
Fit the hands perfectly splitting rationalities
From fears

The mind
The heart

Working in tandem
To slowly tear themselves apart

Step
One

Love is like a flower
Grow it with some watering
And try not to shower it

Two
Much

Step two

Too much love and it'll drown
With some time you'll know the why and how to
Spread that love around

Step Three

Your single bud's turned into more bouquets
And suddenly your love has grown in many subtle different ways

Step Four

Wear gloves when you go  gardening
Pray that if you ***** your hands
That you won't feel a ****** thing

Step Five

Don't be afraid to fall
Don't be afraid to lose it all
You love and live recklessly
So why would more love
Change a thing?

I've never felt as wanted
As I have in your arms
That's not a good thing
or a bad thing
S'just the way that things are

I miss the bliss of each new kiss
Packaged neatly for me to unravel
A present for the present,
with meaning only for right now
And I still remember every one
How did you do that.

I miss the decadent depravity of your touch
the absolute erasure of self into your clutch
I miss that you made me forget who I think I am
and made me feel like who I actually am

I miss your skin brushing against mine
Our steady panting keeping time
The rhythm unique to just us two
I miss being able to be this for you.

And memory now feels like sin
I have to harden fragile skin
I cannot let your whispers in
You've asked me not to.

And though your voice echoes on repeat
I'm not at fault for memories
nurturing hands brought love to bloom
taught seeds to flourish
and nursed our wounds

We grew.
We loved.
We love.

I stole your heart with feathered touch
Fingers so gentle that every brush
was missed.

I loved too little
You felt as much.

And all it took was nimble touch
To turn fractures to fissures
And in a rush
Collapse what we had made.

And with pieces of us stuck in my skin
These memories that feel like sin
I feel lost. Picking up pieces of something we made together.
Alone.

I wish you could hold me.
And I'm sorry
for  every time that you told me
All the things you wished of me
All the things I'd never be.

Alcohol to clear the mind
Each drop a single note rewinds
Our melody in broken time
Until the clock runs thin.

And now we're wasting borrowed hours
Counting seconds not quite ours
Verses stolen with our breaths
Returning to us blank.

We struggle understanding why
It feels like we no longer tried
Recovering what once stretched time
And all that's left is guilt.