Here in solitude
   I watch rain fall in crimson
Apathy consumes

It's beautiful
The numbness
The perfection
Of it all
Of everything
It's so beautiful
How much better the music sounds
How much better the food tastes
How much better your mind feels
Oh it's perfect
Glorious
Wonderful
Amazing
Beautiful
Now look at me
I'm flying

Look around you
Look at what we've all created
The war
The crime
The poverty
The hate
So much hate
Where's the peace?
The morals?
The riches?
The love?
Where did it all go?
Look at our world
Look at the mess we've created

There's a pounding in my temples
A burning in my throat
A gnawing at my stomach
It's happening again
This feeling of misery
I can't take it
I take one more sip
And slip into numbness

This world is perverse
Sickos run everything
People feed their hungers
With the most immoral things
****
Whips
Pain
******
Hating
Killing
It's sick
Disgusting
Perverted
It seems as if
No one can control themselves
Anymore.

I lay here
In the dark
Dreaming of a place
Where the good reign
And the bad aren't real
I dream of a place
Where all the children run around
With full bellies and a genuine smile
I dream of a place
Where love is love
No matter what kind
But I tuck that dream
Back in the deep corners of my brain
And slip back into reality
Only to find the opposite place

I'm sitting here
At the foot of my bed
On my hands and knees
Praying to a god I don't even believe in
I'm praying
I'm yearning
I'm hoping
For everything to be right again
For everything to be like it used to be
I've missed it all
So much
Please god
If you're up there
Let it all go back
To how it used to be

Please
Please
Please
Give me what I want
Tease me
Leave me alone
Never go away
I need you
I hate you
I can't make up my mind
I'm falling

I am alone
I am alone
  I am alone
   I am alone
    I am alone
     ALONE
I am in love
I am in love
  I am in love
   NO
I will be alone
I will never love
I will not become weak
      SURVIVE.

I'm setting my myself up for this
Whenever you call
I could let it go to voicemail
Whenever you text
I could not reply
Whenever you ask to hang out
I could say no
But I dont
I can't say no to you
I'm just setting myself up
For all this hurt

Help me
Someone
Anyone
Help me
I'm sick
I can't think
I can't sleep
I can't breathe
My head hurts
My stomache aches
My brain's fried
I'm hungover
I'm withdrawn
I'm crashing
Someone help me
Help me
Pick me back up again

I can't believe you would do this to me
What happened to you loving me?
What happened to you saying I was beautiful?
What happened to those love filled nights?
What happened to the sneaking out?
Just to see each other?
Why would you do this to me?
Hurt me so much?
Why won't you come back with me?
Back to the good old days?
How can you not miss me?!
Like I miss you?
How can you be with her?
When you know I'm always there?
How can you not see everything?
Everything I did for you?

Thunder claps
Lightning strikes a tree
That grows in the forest of my heart
The storm in me rages
It cannot be tamed
It cannot be controlled
You are so beautiful
And my storm will destroy you
You are so beautiful
And my storm will hurt you
You are so beautiful
Run

I stand tall
I am big
I am strong
I am the Eiffel Tower
The Statue of Liberty
The Great Wall
I stand tall
Taller than you all
I am big
I am strong
Because I know my flaws

Look at her
Straight, autumn hair
Glowing blue eyes
Cute, heart-shaped face
Small, tiny waist
Nice, big ***
Perky little ****
She's beautiful
On the outside
And even more inside
Her humor
Her kindness
Her determination
Her real ness
Look at her
And then look at me
And answer this question:
How the **** am I supposed to compete
With that?

Look at what you've done to me
I spend all my time thinking about you   Daydreaming about the possibility of us
I'm failing half my classes
Because I can't focus on anything but you
I can't sleep anymore
Not without pills
Because you've stolen my peace at mind
When I do manage a moment of rest
It's because I've cried myself to sleep
Because of how hurt I am
Thanks for this
Now when I look in the mirror
I stand there and wonder,
" What the hell happened to you? "

You walk in the door
It's a normal day
You're lips turn upward
In the smallest of smiles
Your heart is racing
Your thoughts are going everywhere
This is the day
This is the day you've been waiting for
This is it
This is the day you ****
Today you **** everyone
Your inner psychopath comes out
You pull out your gun
And you shoot
Until there's no one left
Then you take yourself
Because you think that's what your supposed to do
You were crazy
A crazy person with a gun
A gun you should've never had
But the gun didn't **** the people
You did

I hate the way
Some people look at me
Like I'm some disgusting thing
Like the sight of me makes them want to puke
Out all their narrow-minded, egotistical leftovers
They look at me like I'm some unknown creature
From deep within the most taboo places
They look at me like I'm a
Disgrace
Disappointment
*****
*****,
Filthy,
Disgusting
****-up
But maybe they have every right
To look at me that way.

Johnny Cash
It surprises me how people my age
Don't even really know who he was
A troubled man
With a troubled life
That created the most beautiful songs
A troubled man
Saved by a girl
A beautiful girl
A troubled man
Who never gave a ****
Who did what he wanted
It's a shame so many people don't remember him
He was truely
Revolutionary

Kurt Cobain
Well-known name
Well-known face
Well-known voice
Well-known story
But
Not a well-known soul
A smart,
Intelligent,
Determined,
Self-hating soul
A sad, sad soul
Who's pain and anger and sadness
Caused him to make the most permanent decision
A person can make.

Stay with me as I release this pain
Stay with me here in heaven
Together, forever
We will be free
We will drink
We will smoke
We will fly
We will bleed
We will sweat
We will release these demons
We will be together
Through it all
We will become intertwined
One beautiful creature
One beautiful wolf in sheep's clothing

My legs are smooth.
My arms are smooth.
My lips are smooth.
My personality is smooth.
Smooth and sly
Like James Bond as a cat.
I can steal too
Like the man who stole the moon.
With my specialties
I could easily take you over.
I could sneak up behind you,
Like a sly, sly dog,
Trick you with the smoothness of me,
And steal everything you own,
Including your heart.
I guess you could say
I'm just that sneaky.

I've come to see
The beauty in the world
The birds
The skies
The seas
It's wonderful
Glorious
Beautiful
But there's something evil underneath
The war
The crime
The poverty
It's ugly
Hideous
Horrid
But I suppose
That beauty is in the eye
Of the beholder

This place suffocates me
It wraps its hands around my neck
  It chokes me
   It reminds me
     Reminds me of what happened here
       Reminds me of how I royally ****** up
         Time and time again
           Its hands are still around my neck
             It works for karma
               It's giving me what I deserve
                 It's killing me
                   Because that's what I deserve
                     It's killing me
                       And I couldn't care less

It's time
Time for me to leave
I'll pack a bag
Of my few belongings
I'll stand on the side of the road
Stick my thumb out
And hope I don't get killed
I'll keep riding until I reach my destination
I'll change my name
Dye my hair
Change everything about me
I'll live my new life
The good life
The free life
Here in this unknown place
That I'll soon call home

I'm so tired
I'm tired of trying
To fix what we used to have
I'm tired of trying
To forget you
I'm tired of
Trying
Screaming
Crying
Feeling
Will I ever
Be at peace
Again?

This is insanity
We're so young
Yet we do such old things
We shouldn't be doing this
It's immoral
It's disgusting just to think
That we actually do this
It's horrifying to know
That we enjoy it so much

You're a quiet one I bet
One who keeps to himself
One who looks at the nightmares
That haunt your past
We're different
You and I
Different pasts
Different personalities
Different souls
But we are equal in greatness
We feed off each others words
And help each other be the poets we can be.

They've hurt me so much
They've torn me down
Beat me up
And ****** on what was left
But now,
I've gotten so used it
I can't feel it anymore
All I do now is lay there
And wait for someone to give
The final blow

We are not together
  Yet you still get mad when I talk to guys
We are not together
  Yet I still get mad when you talk to girls
We are not together
  Yet I let you touch me like we are
We are not together
  Yet I gave up everything for us.

I'm stumbling
I'm grabbing things
I'm trying to hold
But I can't
I'm falling

What's happening?

I look to my left
I see you
With that sinister smirk of yours
I look to my right
I see me wearing the same expressin

Who are you?

There's bugs crawling all over me
They bite my eye sockets
The skies open up
God looks down and says,
" I hate you, you ***** *****. "

Why me?

An ******* is someone that is hated by everyone
An ******* is someone that is loved by everyone
An ******* is someone that has everything
An ******* is someone that wants more
And more and more and more and more
An ******* is someone that gets more
An ******* is someone that can get anyone
An ******* is someone that makes you tear down        
   your fortress of protection
An ******* is someone that makes you build
    bigger walls in the end
An ******* is someone you would do anything for
An ******* is someone that doesn't appriciate it
Point is, you're an *******
And you disgust me

I've missed this
The loud music
The wind blowing in our faces
The sense of not caring
Not caring about tomorrow
Or the next day
Only knowing
That this
Is what matters
What really matters is
Now

This isn't working
This isn't working
This isn't working
I drank a bottle of *****
And all I could think about
Was how you said you loved
The smell of vanilla
And how I wore vanilla perfume
Everyday for a year
I'm not supposed to remember you
Years have passed
And you were supposed to have
Been fried from my brain
Like the rest of my memories
I'm so tired
I don't want this
Please
I'm so ******* tired

I write too many poems
About you
I daydream too much
About you
I think too much
About you

Do you ever write poems
About me?
Do you ever daydream
About me?
Do you ever think
About me?

I know you don't
So why do I even bother?