In my mind
I have tried to logically conclude it
But my guilt takes over every time
It questions my intent and my perspective.
All that was beautiful in me,
my vulnerability, compassion, chivalry and even sense of humor,
are standing in the corner
heads down with shame
And I wonder
shall I stand with them in condolence
or lock them far away
so that I can focus on thinking
'Did I matter?' &
'Will I matter?'

This emptiness is real
so is my fear of its perpetuity.

I am at a very very dark place right now
There is not a single soul in sight
to whom I can reach out for help
Its so ******* dark and lonely out here


My perception of self has
Melted away in the darkness that surrounds me
My ears are bleeding
Because of this screeching noise of my own outcries

My twisted and demented imagination has filled this darkness
with images of toxin breathing demons
Fumes coming out of their nostrils burns my lungs
Drains every quanta of energy out of me

I can hear my death coming
Its slow but inevitable arrival scares the **** out of me
There is just darkness, screams, fear, blood, cold,
Pain, hate, anger, emptiness & death


My only chance of redemption is
if my death embraces me soon
Soon before I hurt others and myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~