Strange,
To be loved.
Odd,
To be forgotten.
Cold,
To be abandoned.
Harsh,
To be acquainted.

Yet desired,
To be held.
Loathed,
To be alone.

My emotions shaded grey.
My actions swayed with the wind.

Late into the night
I remember everything.
Every thought I've had,
Every word we've spoken
But somehow
With every toss and turn,
And every attempted escape of the mind
I cannot remember how to fall asleep

My own orange tree
In my own garden
Of blueberries, broccoli,
And everything I love without pardon

I will grow my tree
And we will grow in unison
To heaven from a seedling
Amongst the setting sun

Oh glorious orbs of sunlight
In which I will gladly drown
From soil unto great heights
I joyfully match my evening gown

My own lovely sun tree
With branches stretched to swirl
Oh how I wish to be like thee
To golden rays from a shadowed girl

You'd think the saying is symbolic,
It sings like a metaphor.
But it couldn't be more realistic.
He left his life, he shut the door.

I fell in love,
quite a long time before.
He pulled me in his eyes,
All while staring at the door.

I remember the times,
When we shared our deepest sores.
The times we'd laugh in chimes.
While sitting by the door.

It all happened too quickly,
And it was foolish for me to ignore,
The inevitable thoughts,
That came with the door.

Now he's cut deeply,
Gone with out a trace.
By the door he's left me,
Barely remembering his face.

It was all inevitable.
I see now with dread,
I should have known the cost,
That comes with loving the dead.

The small man-made path
Among a God-made world
I skate through alone
Periodically glancing
At humans like me
Finally learning
What dedication means.
We all desire to become better
We all seek nature's healing
As if the God-made trees
Provided our answers
And the man-made road
guided us towards them.

Comfort in the promise
Of no promises at all
Knowing your warmth may be fleeting
I await the cold
For the fool hopes for the swearing of always
Wrapped in lavender cloth
But the wise await for the winter that no shelter can withstand.
I ran to you knowing your feet had the ability to run in opposition
So I approached you and waited for your feet to move

And so they did.

The winter bird wrecked my home and frosted my woven flowers.
And now I stand pale and alone
As the wiser.

The clock goes by,
I feel myself begin to die.
My mind races goodbye,
Until you came by my side.

I didn't realize at first,
But we have begun that part.
I thought I would be cursed,
Until I listened to your heart.

It beat in sync,
With all my feelings.
My cheeks turning pink,
Knowing it was my heart you were stealing.

Our love will last, sweetly,
Even in the worst drought.
Completely,
Without a doubt

With every tick you will find,
The deterioration of your mind.
You will think and wonder why,
But your thoughts will fail you.

With every step you will say,
How did my walk become this way?
Even when you go to play,
You cannot stop the different sway.

And when you look in the mirror you will find,
A stranger like you with your piece of mind.
With your eyes, your mouth,
But not your expression

The person you were is nothing but a memory.
Changed and lost,
In a different conformity.
~Sage C~

Nothing matters,
It never did.
Everything shatters,
Eventually, in the end.

I wouldn't mind it,
If you killed me now.
I know I don't show it,
But I know you know how.

So throw me away,
And stab my heart.
Mold my feelings like clay,
And end the start.

I'm ready to die,
You've helped me with that.
But I'm too pathetic..
To turn my life line flat.

Have you noticed the change in the sea?
Have you noticed the tide?
The change that brought your steps to thee,
The change that you try to hide.

Try if you must,
But it will always be true.
The change is out of the dust,
Into your heart, so blue.

It will change him,
It will change you.
The boy you once called friend,
And the girl you thought you knew.

The images of a dark mist,
Cloud your vision.
Nothing but shadows,
Of your own fiction.

The shadows dance,
In spirit to be freed.
But the glass of diamonds,
Keep it from being seen.

Look deeply, daily
Into your own demise.
Blinded by your desire,
Coated with your lies.

But don't try and fool us,
Don't act wise
We all know the secrets
Behind your crystal eyes.

Down and Down she will go
Crashing and falling without her soul
Thinking and thinking while she falls
Without her heart she lost it all...

How did you want this to end?
Without a blemish,
Without a bend.
Something you could forever cherish.  

But that isn't how it went.
Without love her heart is bent
Without this, her soul is sent
Without him, her life is spent
~Sage C~

Sparks of green,
Oceans of blue.
Your eyes are from Venus,
Where my eyes are glued.

Hazel brown,
Stuck on the sky.
I only dream of love,
Where my heart can cry.

Into my skin and into my mind.
I know it would help,
But the fear is making me blind.

The tension and the pain is growing.
I want to keep it inside,
But the pain is almost showing.

Don't look at me, I'm almost crying.
If the blades were with me,
I'd be smiling, I'd be shining.

Please don't worry,
I'll be fine, you'll see.
Because soon, very soon,
The blades wont scare me.

My mind is,
Sad and sober.
My heart is,
Completely bruised over...

Only sadness,
Can feed my sadness.
Only pain,
Can sooth my pain...

Soon It'll all,
Be numb.
Soon you will,
Feel nothing.

Sleep in the world,
Of consciousness.
Until you awake again,
Sad and sober.

Months after the fact
And very little is changing
With flowing love still in tact
And the hurt in my heart churning

As at nightfall, the sky stays black
For hours and hours at a time
Such blackness my soul doesn't lack
In these tall months I slowly climb

And the months continue to stack
Upon my unchanging state
Until my collar bone, under your ghostly touch, cracks
Of such is my burdened fate

I read myself through
The morning haze
With weary bones
And cloudy daze
Then the afternoon
Passed me by
In my journal wrote
"Let me cry"
But the sun fell
In great orange colors
And in my soul laid
The warmth of 21 summers
Soon after the celestial sparkles
Filled my eyes full
Sitting with my heavy eyes
I knew I was a fool

Foamy swirls of blue
Roll into my soul
Harsh grains of brown
Imbed into my skin.
Nostalgia fills my being
Because water is
Where my emotions swim
Where my dreams float
Where my thoughts sink
And where my feet soak.
Without the vast sparkling waters
I'd be lost with
Nowhere to suffer my sorrows
Nowhere to celebrate my individuality.
For the water is a part of me
And to be without it
Would be the end of my imaginings.

Indenchured lines
From my sheets
Combine
The cutting thoughts
I had last night

Horizontally pressed
Undertoned with red
Remembering
What I mused
But never said

Like razors and knives
My sheets collide
Like cuts, red stained
I sleep to forget the pain

When the water flows
It runs with rippled chaos
And endless beauty
The blue body reflected surface
Crashes to white against
The hardened rocks of death
Yet it still sprints at full speed
Despite the river's debris

The persistence of the current
Enlightens the perseverance within me

My one true emotion
Wears itself upon my ears
Barely peeking through my curls
So no one can truly hear

And so do these pinned pearled circles
With black ink write
What my soul feels the most
Of my current events in spite

No one seems to notice
What emotion my ears behold
But that's how I like it
My displayed secrets left untold

I once fell in love with a miner
Not a young man, but a hard working one
He danced with soot and calloused his hands
Working in places the sun had never gone

People would ask me, "Why?"
But I loved his spirit and his strong mind
And people should still persisted to pry
"I never cared about his lack of time"

Because I loved this man, soot and all
I watched him work in shadows
I waited for his nightly call
Until his work took him to the gallows

How could my words
Further tangle in my throat
When just the thought of you
Ties the tightest words
I've ever known.

How could my heart swell
Further inside my chest
When all you do is look at me
With the bluest eyes
I've ever seen.

How could I possibly
Further bypass my deepest emotions
When your touch magnifies
The deepest, and strongest love  
I've ever felt.

And how could I have let you go
Further away from me
When all I ever do
Is dream of the happiest moments
We've ever had.

Back and forth she walks the halls
Carrying her burdens bare
Back and forth she walks and walks
At her I sit and stare

Side to side the clock ticks by
Our routine stays the same
Side to side, she paces why?
My thoughts I cannot tame

But then she stopped and time stood still
I know not to this day
Why when she stopped, her burdens flew
Like feathers in wind at play

God gave me your music
When the silence grew too strong
At first it didn't make sense
Because I've been alone for so long

But eventually the notes danced
On my newly opened mind
And I jumped towards the sky
Out of my world and out of my binds

Then forever and on I danced freely by myself
And God smiled down upon my mental health

I lather my hands
With the feeling of your skin
And your hair
I kissed your forehead
You kissed my hand
I told you “I understand”

But a torch I took of you
And a torch for you I still hold
Despite those words
And despite my affirmation
My heart kept my emotion
Keeping the feeling of you like lotion

Phone at her chest
Hoping someone would call
Just to hear her heart beating.

A dial at her fingertips
Just in case
The silence of the ringer
Became too unbearable.

Darkness at her feet
So if someone were to call
There would be no safe place to run.

I skate in the rain
I ruin my grip tape
I ruin my name
Cemented and scraped

What is my escape?
Who am I to say?
Nothing answered in 12 tapes
Of all the sins I'll pay

I dance in the rain
I color the ground
I sing of the pain
Of no comfort I've found

Did you hear me?
Do my soles display?
Can you possibly see
What my feet would say?

I love in the rain
I lay in the sand
I call me to blame
For he is my rain man

Everything is whatever
The water is dark
And your face is cool
To the touch.
But I could never feel
Your icy skin
Because everything
Is just whatever
And whatever has never
Brought me closer
Than the moon.

You are the earth
And I look down
At you from great distances.
We dance together
But never do we touch
Never do we hold.
I go with the flow
And your waterfalls push
My picture out of focus.
No moon on the surface.
Because everything
Is just whatever
And whatever
Is what you've chosen.

I fall in love with new music everyday
And I swoon when I hear it play
But if life has taught me anything at all
It's that you can't trust something that lets you fall

And the notes let me drop by the hour
Perhaps in a bitter taste of sour
I trust the music as it guides my soul
But maybe I shouldn't let it keep me whole.

Rainy Friday morning
Happy hopeful coffee
Empty corner shop
Groggy melancholy eyes
            That see no future.

My heart wasn't ready
And it never will be.
I know if I just stop allowing my anxiety to control me
I can make it.
I don't have to be ready
I know that now.
But no matter how much I know, my days still end the same way.
Alone, overthought, and wondering
What it would be like to have your eyes fall in love with mine.
I specialize in one way streets
But I dream of a double lined median
Where you drive constantly within my mind