Am I still in love with you?
No,
for you are no longer
the you
I was in love with.

It was 10:30 at night
and we were parked in my drive way
sitting in your car.
We were both unusually over-tired
and you were so indecisive
about how you
were feeling.

I listened to you talk about him
and why you loved him
and why he didn't love you
and why he never would.
And, oh, how I wished I could tell you
that I loved you,
but I knew it wouldn't be enough.

You talked about his hair,
and his voice
and the way he didn't care about
what everyone else thought.
You made him sound
so, so wonderful
turning him into poetry
as you spoke.

I knew he was
everything you wanted
right down to the way he laughed
and the clothes he wore.
Some days
you were extra in love
and others you were extra out.
But most days
were a mixture of the two.

"Maybe love doesn't exist,"
you said as you
threw yourself against the seat,
your hair a mess
over your shoulders.
"Maybe it's just a facade,
a nice thought."
But I knew it existed
because I felt it
every time I looked
at you.

The moon was full
and I don't want to romanticize the facts,
but there was something about
the sound of distant cars
and the way
the streetlights cast their shadows.
We stood at the corner
where we usually parted ways
and I laughed at your sarcastic remarks about life
because I was full of ideals
and you were always such a pessimist.

I don't know why I was so optimistic
that night.
It felt as though everything
was the way I had hoped it would always be.
You were saying something
about how everything was corrupt
and that the world was going
to hell,
but all I could think about
was the way your face
contorted into different beautiful shapes
as you talked
and how you would glance to the side
when our eyes had held
contact for longer than you could bear.

I didn't know it was coming
because I had only ever fantasized
about such things.
But you stop talking all at once
and instead of glancing
to the side
you moved your eyes closer to mine.
I thought about running,
or turning away
or saying something,
but instead,
I broke eye contact
to glance down at your lips
and you kissed me without
a second thought.