I glance to my side to see my mirror image.
She looks just like me.
But there are small differences.
And it really shows who's the better one.
Her hair is longer, her skin is clearer
she's taller and thinner.
Her body is more complete and smaller.
She's lovely.
Mother calls her wise and intelligent.
She's the favorite.
I sit in my corner.
I always fail,
never could compare.
My candle was outshone by the
brilliance of her star.
I love her.
I have to, and I admire her.
...
But I hate her too.
I've always been her inferior.
And I hate it because I know she's right.
Always is.
I want to break her perfection.
But that would break her too.
As perfect as she is,
being broken is not for her.
It would hurt her too much.
It would be unfair to her.
...
I may hate my other half
But I don't.
She's too good for that and I want to protect her.
See,
You can't hate the one person you
really cannot live without.
It's impossible.
I'll live with her being perfect
I can survive in her shadow.
I know how to.
I've been weak so long that I know I'm
strong enough to persevere.

I sit in my cold bath
It holds the even colder girl.
Slowly deteriorating.
She breaks from a love
that makes her strong...
But when it's gone,
the girl is weak
and slowly rots in her head.
Without those arms that
held her safe from the monster,
It invades her again
and makes her choke on her own
poison and pain.
Without that voice that sang away her fears,
She's lost in her ocean of nightmares.
She shivers,
colder than ever and feels as
her spirit numbs her from the inside out.
She is weak and so vulnerable.
She needs the love whose happiness is hers
and can make her day brighter than
the night stars and the sun.
Reminiscing in her memories,
the frozen girl becomes black and blue.
There is red too
From the bite and pull of her fingernails.
Leaving scars instead of her lover's marks.
Finally calming herself,
She remembers her love is coming home soon
and will protect her from the monsters.
No more pain or fears.
For the first time in the dark night,
the girl smiles and is safe in her mind.

You called me tonight,
I was so happy to see you.
We smiled and made silly faces and laughed.
We said our "I miss yous"
and our "I love yous".
We took forever saying our goodbyes,
neither one of us wanted to let
the other go,
but we had to.
And my love,
it hurt to press 'end' and
see your face disappear from sight.
I missed you even more after.
Your face, your smile, the sound of your laughter.

Memorize.
I memorize the details of your face.
You're leaving for a week,
I know that doesn't sound like much
but to me, it's forever.
I memorize the way you close your eyes
and the way you take a breath.
I memorize how soft your skin is.
I memorize the shape of your cheeks
and the feeling of your skin beneath my fingertips.
I memorize the shape of your brows and shuttered eyes
and the feel of them beneath the pad of my thumb.
I memorize the gentle ***** of your nose
and how it felt as my fingertips trailed it.
I memorize the soft silk of your hair
and how it felt as I brushed your bangs back.
I memorize the shape of your lips
as I trace them with my fingertip.
I memorize your smell
as I bury my face into your neck.
I memorize the feeling of your
arms wrapped around me.
Finally, I memorize the taste of your kiss.
The way your mouth moves against mine,
and the flavor of your tongue.
Now you're leaving and I feel
the tears fill my eyes as I watch you leave.
But I know I'll be okay.
I have you in my memories.
Just know, love,
I'll be waiting until these
memories are no more
and you're back here with me.
I love you.

Beauty is a child's game,
A lie they say.
And so I believed.
My world and all of it's nature
lost it's beauty.
But then one day,
months later,
There was you.
And you were beautiful.
You came into my world,
my empty, gray and numb world,
and showed me what beauty was again.
It was in every ray of sunshine,
every breath of fresh air,
every moment of light and laughter.
It was all in you.
The beauty of the world was in you.
And now....
you are my world.

I'm scared.
I'm scared of waking up one day
and realizing I didn't do anything.
I didn't do enough.
I'm scared I'll never travel or go places.
I didn't try hard enough.
I'm scared I won't be successful or secure.
I didn't work hard enough.
But most of all,
I'm scared for my happiness.
I'm scared for you,
of losing you.
And knowing that
I didn't love enough.
Please.
Don't let me wake up scared.
Let me wake up to you.

There was something soft about the way she moved.
It was quiet and slow.
She was thinking of something,
deep in her own mind.
She wanted to be left alone to her thoughts.
She didn't want to talk tonight,
her thoughts were too heavy for her voice.
They would break her if
she tried to utter them
and she wasn't quite ready to break,
even though she knew that later in the night
when everything was dead,
her thoughts would become too loud
and she'd break out of fear and pain.
She would pour herself into the night
and it would all be gone by morning.
She smiled to herself, and thought
this is why she loved the night.