my skin
was rubbed raw
because someone touched me
on the sidewalk
without my permission

one time I didn't sleep for a week
because something in my room was
out of place and I
couldn't fix it

ive stayed up all night
wondering if all the doors are locked
so I check
once
twice
three times
four times
and so on
untill its time to wake up

the soaps in the shower
are put a certain way
if not
then I feel myself fall
apart

Ill clean for days
and not sleep
or stop
once

so please stop saying
"Oh, im so OCD!"
because you will never understand
what its like to have this crippling
fear
that everything will go wrong
if one thing is different

I can feel
the seasons changing
the icy cold
the fire in the hearth
talking about Gods
because they are not dead
they live within me
and my stories
weave the web
that catches them

I want to be a Teacher.
I want kids to feel the fire
that I do
not to just say
"Yes ma'am."
"Yes ma'am."
"Yes ma'am."
and not question
what they are being taught
I want them
to question
ME.
I want them to learn
not to take everything
at face value
and to
question
question
question
and I want that fire of theirs
to never go out

Ive held the winters frost within my veins
as your flaming tongue lingered upon my lips,
wanting only you.
Feeling your fingers dance along my hips
making me feel like I am engulfed in fire.
For fingers slowly melted my heart.
I had opened to love,
for that you gave me.

Its been 10 months
and I still love you
ive heard you cry
and beg for forgiveness
but none was given
but 10 months later
im still alone
and I still
love you

Why is it
that my misery
is always so beautiful?
Why is it
that my pain
is so exotic?
Why is it
that  my heartbreak
is so amazing to you?

the impatient tap of her nails
against the bar counter
the aggravated exhale
about the boy that stares at her
the bouncing of her foot
because the drugs are wearing off