James at the edge of the Queen
“one for old times”
tossed the brand new bag
100cc outfits
into my lap
orange cap shinning  --
fine yellowish powder sprinkles
across grandmothers silver
flick of the Bic
sour lemon stank filled room
slow draw through a shirt string
cotton ball of choice
holding 65cc’s of uncut prop-dope
…an impossibility today –
indented  armpit skin
as the nearly clear liquid
takes on a pink tinge
the artery never fails to deliver
plunger plunged plunging impurities –
gag cough from my belly
wave crashes and sweat pours
to amped to sit still
the car calls –
miles out of the way before arrival
at her benefactors home
sweetest of faces snuggled
on a blanket pallet on the living room floor
as I feverishly pencil
bad poetry
until daybreak –
November the fourth
2002
this was the last time
these were the last actions
of a strung out needle freak
breaking new ground
by leaving the past behind –

when gazing at your lovely soft blue eyes
I am captured and held by the vast depth
motionless and memorized, I sit still
my focus intent, my breath is shallow
the slightest film of sweat forms on my brow
the tightness in my chest is like a vice
a low gurgle rises from my belly
I think I am sure to faint or be sick

How can I combat these feelings of fear?
Will my love forever remain unknown?
each new day I struggle to find a way
to move past this insanity and find
a way to express the things that I feel
will today be the day… I think, “No way.”

rocket ship day-dream
believing in pollution free exhaust
perfect white billows
against azure a.m. skies
windshield bug, ride of its life
Jell-O plunge into the unknown
soft and gooey mashed potatoes
swallow my space submarine
cradled in eternity
alien architecture flashes by melting windows
escaped light blinds me
atoms separate slow-motion
like stop-footage of decomposing fruit
double-bass heart beat
as God’s eye looks down
recognizing self

sweeping winds
spreading change
across a barren landscape
void of hope
morality
lacking comradery
unity
conscious co-creation –
micro-particulates
throwing the status quo into fits
as the poor unite
against the “Right”
replacing oppression
optimistically
lightly dusted
cosmic radiation meets
karmic justice
revolution battle royal –
sidelined with enhanced spectacles
the view distorts
as capitalism
invades
social reform
seeking to place monetary value
on human life –
alternative air
fills the lungs of the awake
eyes open to the horror
of destroyers
convoyed
far away independent states
wait
for air-raid sirens
and the endless project
clearing rubble
and burying children
for freedom –
feverishly seeking fools
willing to go to the front lines
civil unrest
is placated with modified corn
and fluoridated water
we argue about a ****
and morality issues
while in our (American civilians) name
empire is built
and maintained
“one nation
under god”
means
global superpower in full control
of resources
energy
water
media
and what you think and eat
once again
based on freedom and democracy –
I may see the end yet
at least to this way of life
‘cause if nothing else
one day death will take me
altering my perception of reality
changing me
into a new wind –

gentle, but constant, warmth
encouraged the delicate petals
to unfurl,
extend and expose inner veins
and release fragrant wisps
wafting slowly
the length of the shoot laden meadow –
protruding with diligent
single-mindedness
they burst forth and dotted the landscape
with fresh and pale greenery
trading the stark, barren, winter wasteland
into a valley of rebirth
extension
and colorful beauty
destined for fawn frolic
and sparrow dancing –
sitting cross-legged
surrounded by the sounds of spring
the nonstop low ****** buzz
chirping and squawking  of the scrub jay
effortlessly hoping from branch to twig
twice on the ground
and back up into the treetops…
far off in the distance
carried only by a meandering breeze
the long slow shrill whistle
of a bull Roosevelt
brought my mind to the present
forcing my to consider my surroundings
with a different air –
without warning I was left
with only my heartbeat
and the steady in and out
of a mammal breathing, bated
a slight yet tangible fear began to grow within
and I felt an urge to flee screaming into the forest
for what seemed a lifetime
I gathered strength and courage
as a new and foreign warmth played across
my ***** and trembling neck hair
coiled muscled began to twist
as I slowly turned to see what I was sharing the meadow with
this fine and sunny day…..
sweat dripped as I forced myself  to make a full rotation
and cast my eyes upon the intruder
barley a slit of sunlight crept between tightly pressed lids
first a little of the left
then some of the right
slowly adjusting
to both the brightness of daylight
but also to the contrast presented
the large dark swaying body
outlined but the new delicate shoots
I could feel the sweat rise on my forehead
and travel slowly
along my hard cheek line and down my neck
weave through the chest hair
and circumnavigate my belly button
finally soaking into the edge of my blue jeans
slightly discoloring the material…
I felt a swelling of bravery as I gave the monster
my direct gaze –
large brown eyes momentarily caught my own
as the massive black bear offered a loud grunt
and rambled back into the dense and darkened thicket
slowly the songs of birds returned
and I saw a bee flash by…
I picked myself up, shaky,  but stoic  
offering a silent prayer to the universe
……thank you for no cubs –

battling demons
or suffering PTSD
with ADHD
and OCD
on TCH
looking for LSD –
need a little TLC
from the FDA
the EPA
just went MIA
and the UN
blames the FBI
while the CIA
and the NSA
seek the PLO –
brb
LOL, IDK
the shizzle is cray cray
*****’s be trippin
er’ry day
like Ross say
“don’t **** wit me” –
the USA
in betrothed to the NRA
and OSHA
just gave me a passing score
at the same time as the AMA
failed my blood
stylistically, this is MLA
and functionally it’s more WWE
TNT
CNN
t’n’a --

We share:
connections,
interests,
laughter,
and cooking…..
and now,
I miss my friend.
Small talk in passing,
emails about work,
the occasional chat box joke fest…
but the distance,
and awkwardness,
does not dissipate…
and I feel it always,
and all ways.
Sitting only a few feet apart
separated by feelings, mostly
we try and muddle through
our tasks
waiting for Wednesday to end
so the pressure of being face to face
can fade…
at least for a few days.
Funny we came to this place
after so many years of togetherness
after so many plans
so much future preparation…
so much time investment
and now,
just a face in the hall
that causes me both pain
and quiet reflection. –

there must be something missing
which I cannot seem to find
I have sweet lips for kissing
yet I feel in a bind…
the mirror gives no answer
my questioning grows so great
these thoughts act like a dancer;
or the spinning of a plate
I must find the way to peace
before I slip off some edge
if only I could release
or at least find leverage
but balance eludes me still
so I flounder and flail
too bad there is not a pill
which could right my wind-whipped sail.
I find myself lamenting
again through this medium
constantly reinventing
the long road to tedium
I do appreciate your time
as I process my feelings
so glad this is not a crime
to write poetry for healing

i know why the caged bird sings
black elk speaks
god is red
ages in chaos
the Mayan code
not for innocent ears
one flew over the cuckoo’s nest
Ishmael
Harlem gallery
mother earth spirituality
unfinished tales
midnight song
I heard the owl call my name
alkalize or die
mushrooms
kombucha
leaves of grass
turn
deadspeak
conversations with god
dancing the dream
1984
crystal bible
the foxfire book
reflexology
ceremonies of the living spirit
the source
365 days of the red road
daybreak
Earthwise
It’s a meaningful life
the writer’s handbook
2015 poet’s market
on the road
fear and loathing in Los Vegas
Indian spirit
the eagle and the rose
behind bars
zoo story
the shadow that scares me
in red man’s land
rainbow tribe
man and superman
atlas shrugged
The Celestine Prophecy
Lame Deer, seeker of visions –

I find myself
playing the United States
favorite home game
as I watch what I eat
and leave obesity behind –
moving towards a 75 percent, 25
percent ratio…
plant based with animal condiments
excommunicating dairy, processed sugar,
wheat, and anything from a box or can
in order to be the best me
the world has ever seen –
driving by fast food hell holes
feeling myself try to justify
fighting the good fight
for a healthy and long life
but the mind **** lingers…
encouraging me to have just a little
once in a while can’t hurt
denial of one’s desires is downright
un-American –
still, the pounds fall away
and my demeanor improves
finally feeling as good inside my body
as I feel about the things this body does
and is involved in…
internal peace
to match my external happiness
so worth less pie –

Paul Simon wrote a tune
going on about the soles of a woman’s shoes
and the diamonds therein…
not to be outdone, I will attempt to regale you
with my own tale of diamond feet –
t’was approaching dusk
when my compadre and myself dropped
the lovely little purple tablets
two each...
was a ’94 Nissan that took us from Salem to Pacific City
and nestled us safely into Bob Straub state park
tracers and shadow images were starting to disrupt
and we began the long hike to the mouth of the Nestucca –
darkness was all around ‘cept the amazing starlit sky
not a sliver of moon shown
and the tide had slipped away quietly,
we found ourselves in the flats
a slight reflection of the stars on the wet sand below
and instantly we were both transported into the vastness of the universe
surrounded on all sides by nothing but the glimmering of a billion individual stars
(…. I am sure if I had took to spinning endlessly
like a small child in the summer sun,
I would have disappeared entirely
blending forever with the cosmos that engulfed me….)
I knew at that moment why my ancestors
high on ergot
thought the world flat –
we joined each other on a small spikey grass patch
and commenced smoking pipe full
after pipe full
discussing our connection to the everything
and the minuet nature of man
without ever saying a word…
those in the know, know
all we got from the pile of **** was thick slimy spit
and the desire to keep moving…
so back down the three mile stretch of sand we went
aiming at a fogged-out
barely visible street lamp
signifying the parking lot and the safety of the little grey Sentra –
at some point along the return journey,
in a moment of playfulness,
my dear friend kicked a small amount of sand in my general direction
the explosion of diamonds and refracted light prisms
which danced across the spread pattern
fanning 15 feet from his worn house shoes
was more than we could believe.
I kicked back with slightly more vigor
we watched glittery sparkling sand fly
catching each other’s eye, huge acid inspired smiles took over
first just a little kick, then diamond glitter in all directions
then a soccer star punt
shooting stars across the sandy beach
each new step
a thousand disco ***** reflecting off the calm sea
each kick,
more diamonds than all of South Africa…….
It was this trip we made the conscious decision,
“two people witnessing the same thing is a confirmed sighting;
and therefore really happened.”

America,

and the world,

is ******........




*Trump for President - 2016