You know that feeling you get when you're starting to fall for someone; When you start thinking about that person a little more every day.
Those fluttery butterflies that are starting to form in your stomach and you are starting to get scared and you want it to stop yet at the same time you don't. There's a saying that says, "You know you're in love when you can't sleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." Amen. So true. I'm falling deeper and deeper every time I see her. I don't know, she just gives me this vibe that says, "Falling in love with you is scary, but it feels right because I know it's worth it." You know that feeling? I know that I have two options: Let this whole entire crush go and move on, or fall in love and hope for the best. Well, I think we all know which I'm gonna pick. Alas, I say may everyone have that feeling. Everyone deserves that feeling. Everyone deserves to know what it's like to be in love. Some might disagree because love can sometimes cause heartache and people will say, "I don't deserve this." Well, yeah. No matter what relationship you're in, it's not gonna be all rainbows and sunshine. It has it's ups and downs. You're gonna fight. You might even break sometime in anger. But eventually, you move on, with or without that person. You forgive and even though it's hard, you forget. When I get married, divorce, well that's not in the cards that have been dealt. It's forever and always, like it or not. That's the way God intended it to be. I think about this girl quite often, not compulsively or obsessively. But I'd be lying if I said that she didn't cross my mind a few times a day. I'd be lying if I said that I don't think about the sound of her voice and how much I miss it, and the smell of her perfume and how it gets me in an unpredictable crush like uproar. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to push her up against a wall and kiss her. I'd be lying if I said that sleeping next to her was the worst feeling. I'd be telling a fib if I said that I don't long for the day that she thinks, "You're the one I want.", if I didn't dream of the day that she's jumping up and down, screaming, "Yes!", if I didn't build my expectation of the day that she would look me in the eyes and say, "I do." I'd be lying if I told you that I haven't thought about what it'd be like to wake up to her by my side every morning, even though I've liked her for a month. Well, my friends, I like to plan ahead.

I slept next to you
It was amazing
I held back all my feelings
Cuz we're just friends
But I don't know
I feel like you give me hope for a chance for us
I've seen you in underwear and a bra
I've seen you in a towel
You're still that beautiful girl
You always will be
Even if you knew
I wouldn't have had to say a word
Because the thoughts running through my mind
Said it all
We just laid there
Me, trying not to say something
That will make you wonder
You, having not a single clue
It was just peaceful, blissful silence
And that was the moment I knew
That I was falling for you

Heart stops.
I look at you.
I begin to think,
"Can this really be happening?"
"Am I falling for you?"
"Or is this just another crush that will pass when I latch onto someone else?"
"Could this happen?"
I pray.
I pray it will.
We hated each other at first.
Then in a parallel universe, we became friends.
I'm starting to think that it is a possibility.
But I'm not diving right into that. Because come on, let's face it:
My heart has been broken more times than Lindsay Lohan has been in legal trouble.
I listen to that song that makes me think of you: Last First Kiss-One Direction.
I'd be okay if you and me were each other's last first kiss.
I could see myself marrying you.
The chances of this are higher than any other feelings my heart has felt towards another person.
There's a song by Daughtry called "Start of Something Good" and it kinda sums up a lot.
He writes, "You never know when you're gonna meet someone and your whole wide world in a moment comes undone.
I know that it's gonna take some time.
I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind.
This might end up like it should.
I'm gonna say what I need to say and hope to God that it don't scare you away.
I don't wanna be misunderstood.
And Im starting to believe that this could be the start of something good."
I'm a true believer of "Everything happens for a reason."
I believe that God brings certain people into our lives for certain reasons and sometimes, He makes them exit our life.
It really depends.
You're either a blessing or a lesson.
I'm hoping you're in my life for something good, whether we are a couple or just friends.
Im praying that one day, you'll see me for who I really am and decide to give it a shot.
I know you're a really understanding person who I just so happen to find attractive.
I'm not asking for much.
Just for you to take into consideration of a possibility of us someday maybe being together.
I'm asking, despite the fact that I've liked a million different people in my life.
Somehow, this is different.
You're different.
And in all honesty, this really is.
There's circumstances and things I didn't get from others that I have gotten from you.
I'm not gonna get into detail, but let's say that you accept me for who I am and am going to be.
I like that about you.
Not judgmental.
You give me hope that everything will be okay and that this could happen.
I haven't gotten to the point where I'm in love with you and I think you're perfect and I think about you every second of the day.
But give it time.
Because it's bound to happen.
Just like the others.
Why should this time be any different than the others?
Well it is.
In a way.
Theres a saying that goes, "You know you're in love when you can't sleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
I hope that happens for me someday.
I do get scared, though.
Because I don't wanna get close to you and then fall and have my heart broken.
But at the same time, I don't wanna not be near to you.
****.
So many choices.
I get scared that one day, I'll say something stupid and suddenly, you'll be out of my hands.
Or the fact that I like you slips out and all hell breaks loose.
But I dont know if this feeling will stay.
I mean I imagine it will.
But I don't know.
Well, whatever it turns into, let's just hope that you don't walk off with my self control like the others did.
Because you've already walked off with my heart.
You've won me over that far.
I usually write songs about the people I like or am starting to like.
But I guess I don't need a love song to signify that fact that I could potentially be falling for you.
I dont wanna fall deep into this.
I spent a year being in love with someone, spending every second wishing and hoping and praying that someday, I would get MY chance with them.
But that day never came, nor will it ever.
Because I had to come to terms with the fact that we wouldn't be together, no matter what I did or how hard I tried.
But alas, this is different.
It's kinda funny, this whole thing.
Because a year ago, even 2 months ago, if someone said I'd start to like you, I'd be thinking four things:
1. "WHAT?"
2. "Well, that's awkward."
3. "But we hated each other in the beginning."
4. "Eh, I guess I'm not surprised. It was bound to happen eventually."
The thing that really does get me is that we did not like each other in the beginning.
It's funny how you can go from utterly despising someone to starting to fall for their perfect self.
Wait, I said I didn't think you were perfect.
Eh, ***** it.
I'll start to think it one day.
Might as well start now.
I guess my heart will never learn.
I hate falling in love because I always know what the outcome will be, yet I fall anyway.
It starts off: "Oh I can get them to like me one day. You'll see."
Until it gets to that fateful and dreadful moment where hateful feelings are spewing out of me and Im cursing into the wind, thinking, "Why the hell couldnt this one have worked out?"
Is there anybody out there?
For me?
It's kinda cute, yet undenyingly unpleasant how someone can take a piece of your heart just by simply being themselves.
People can call me crazy.
Go ahead.
But I'm no different than any other teenager who has discovered that they can like the mutual weirdness and qualities and characteristics of another human being.
Am I right?
Of course, I'm not the first person to ever feel this way.
Everybody in their lifetime meets someone and falls in love with them.
Sometimes they get what they want.
And sometimes, it just isn't what God had planned for us.
Well, I'm hoping God can spare me just this once.
Because I need someone in my life.
And it's okay with me for you to be my significant other someday if it's okay with you.
So please, start thinking about where we will live and what our kids names will be.
Because, baby, I know I will be.

Smile on the outside
Dying on the inside
Hide away the pain
Don't let them know you're struggling
Gotta cope with this
****** neurotic mess
Tell yourself to move on
Because she's already gone
Think about it all the time
Pray about it every night
You're lost and never found
So go and lay your head down
Breaking into creases
Falling to pieces
Don't wanna play the blame game
And you feel so ashamed
Tell yourself it's over
The healing's getting closer
Balance your emotions
Quit causing a commotion
Tired of your problems
Cuz Lord knows that you got them
Love another girl
But that opens another can of worms
Heart's committing suicide
Go and find a place to hide
Look up to the sky
And you ask God why
Hell is getting closer
Yeah it's taking over
Try not to let your heart break
You're on the edge of heartache

I don't fall for people anymore because the last crush I had lasted a year and I was so indulged in it but I had to let it go because I realized we will never be together.
I don't fall for people anymore because I always end up getting hurt in the end, even when I say it's worth it.
I don't fall for people anymore because even though I'm sexually pure, I still end up giving away a piece of me, a piece of my heart.
I don't fall for people anymore because I always have to watch them be with someone else. It's like as soon as I like them, they get in a relationship. 
I don't fall for people anymore because I always end up throwing that person in the past and then it's awkward. 
I don't fall for people anymore because I always jump to conclusions like we will be married and we will have this many kids and live here and etcetera etcetera.
I don't fall for people anymore because I latch onto someone and find it extremely hard to let go. I need to not be able to trust people so quickly.
I don't fall for people anymore because I always let myself down. 
I don't fall for people anymore because every little bit of hope and expectation I have inside me is eventually drastically drained out of my low ridden soul due to the fact that the person I like will never want to be with me.
I don't fall for people because all I wanted was you and I cant even have that. 
I don't fall anymore because I've finally caught my footing.

I hate love songs.
It's just a sappy little tune of someone else's expectations.
I expect certain things for my life
But they'll never be what is written in a song
Love songs are like movies.
People write songs and movies about people living happily after ever.
Well that's completely false.
Because no one lives happily ever after.
We watch these movies and listen to these songs and build up our own expectations
Only to be let down when we realize that this is reality
We think "Oh I want a love like that."
When really, there's no such thing as true love.
Right?
I don't know.
That's kinda how I think of it.
Love songs ****.
Because we latch onto what that person is saying, hoping we're gonna find that someday
But look at how hopeless we are
I'm so hopeless
I don't know what to think about love
There's so many degrees of love
Finding that true person who just happens to know everything about you
And likes it.
And you like all those things about them
But why?
Everybody's all like "love is such an amazing thing."
Like there's no faults in it
Like people don't cheat on each other
And people don't break up with each other for no reason
Like there's no back-stabbing
Like it doesn't ever fall apart because you have the glue to hold it together
But what's the point of love when there's so many faults that come with it
Let's face it
Everybody throws the word "love" around like it's a baseball
"I love you" "I love you too"
Bull.
Because then it ends and it's like "Oh but I thought you were in love?"
I wonder if love lasts forever.
I mean nothing lasts forever
I wonder if you can stay in love with the same person forever
I mean how's that possible?
Don't you get sick of looking at that person?
Don't you ever feel like being with someone else
I don't know. Maybe I'm saying this because I've never experienced love
With anyone special
Just meaningless relationships
From my youth that I knew would never last
Then what was the point of being with that person
Fun?
It ***** to have a hopeless crush that you know will never happen
But maybe it never happens because you DON'T believe
I don't know.
People should find that one person
Everybody has a God given right to find love
They need to find it the right way
People have one night stands with random strangers
How can you honestly make love to someone and feel something called "love" to someone you just met?
Like how?
You shouldn't give yourself to someone you don't know
In my opinion, you shouldn't give yourself to anyone unless you know you're gonna spend the rest of your life with that person
And I'm not just saying that because I'm a Christian
I wasn't planning on giving myself to anyone before I was married, before I found God
Sure, that's a part of it
Because *** before marriage is a sin
But I didn't have an expectation of having *** with anyone before I was married
And the only way to know if you'll spend, "forever", "eternity"
With that person is not when you put the engagement ring on
But the wedding ring
Because an engagement ring means nothing
It's just an announcement that you're planning on a future
It's nothing set in stone
People might say, "Yeah but you can always get divorced."
When I get married, that's not an option.
Because why would I throw something away that I know can hopefully be fixed?
People might say, "How can I not have *** in this relationship?"
It's easy.
Don't.
Love is so fake.
And yet, so real.
I have love songs
But listen to them all the time because I build up that expectation
But let's face it
We don't always get the fairytale we want
I hate love songs for one reason
You expect so much in your future
You're waiting for that prince to come save you
But come on.
That's fake.
I hate love songs.
I hate love movies.
I hate love.

I'm finally giving in
I'm letting the end begin
I know I can't win
So why try to live?
So I'll sit and have a gin
And let God watch me as I sin
You can tell he is disappointed
You can see it through the burning

Sure I could turn it around
But I'm too tired
So I'll just let it take me down

I don't know where to fly
I don't know where to hide
I just can't seem to find the highs
I don't know why I try
When you're gone and now
I can't find the right time
To tell you
You were mine

I guess I'm a little bit too tired
I just can't seem to get higher
It's burning down to the last wire
A heartbroken burn in the fire

I know I can turn this around
But I'm too tired
So I'll just let it break me down

You don't care about me
You never did
It's in your eyes, I see
I saw my whole world
Now it's gone
Like a train down a track
You're not ever coming back
Like a balloon floating through the sky
But **** it, I thought you were mine

Sure I could turn it around
But I'm too tired and you don't give a ****
So I'll just let it break me down