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Ryan Topez Dec 2013
A little whisky can go a long way
By yourself on a lonely sunday
While all your friends are seeing one another
Doing the same thing that i'm doing, but together

A little whiskey can go the wrong way
When you've had too much
Your mouth begins to burn
Then nothing, it's numb

Along with the rest of your body
Your minds at work,
But it's ready to resign
Is this by coincidence or by design?

It's going to be a long night
If I can't refrain
From fighting with myself
But what does it matter?
I have nothing to lose, nothing to gain

I'm trapped in my mind
With a bottle jammed down my throat
Finding it hard to breath
And wondering why?
Ryan Topez Dec 2013
What is hope?
Hope is believing that I can finish the bottle.
Telling myself that I can stomach each sip of wine,
Holding the pen when shaky hands disagree,
Until I finish writing this line.

Just for once I'd like to hear good news when I wake.
Like, 'Payday was early.'
So that I can afford to put food on my plate.
For the next few days, at least.

Hope is convincing myself that I can meet someone,
To whom I can relate.
To plant seeds with,
So memories can bloom.
But if a person like that came into my life tomorrow,
It would be too soon.

My friends and I jam and tell stories,
Into the early hours of the morning.
Anything we can to reach a euphoric state,
I don't need drugs, anymore.
I only want a nice girl to date.
Ryan Topez Dec 2013
I tore out the intimate stanzas that my friends had written in my note book
I used it to clean their mess
Jealousy at it's bleakest
Excuses at their best

Angst and nerves filled my head
Most of the time i'm too scared to read what they had written
Most of the time i'm too scared to read what they had said

My notebook is hardly mine any more
Merely scrap pages for my friends thoughts
Their voices are loud and powerful on paper
But I hardly spare the time to listen


**Imagery created by all means
But never correctly interpreted
Ryan Topez Nov 2013
My heart beat rocks me back and forth
Like a old timer on a porch
with his dog and gun
Telling minorities to move along

A cloud of smoke exits my lungs
and my mouth opens,
Smoke no longer crowds my gums

If you stop breathing
You can hear the seconds tick past
You can hear the swishing of whiskey
In the old mans flask

And with every second of forever constant time
You can taste the age in every sip of wine

Do people people say
'Time heals all wounds'
To make them forget about
Their first world blues?

Or are they preaching it,
as a muse?
To grasp the concept of the news
No matter how false or true

Believe me, If i knew,
I wouldn't be lost
I wouldn't be left to assume
Ryan Topez Nov 2013
I don't want to offend you,
But I'll walk around my house naked,
If I want to

I don't want to *******,
But I'll sleep in the same bed,
If you want me to

I don't want to disturb you,
But if I need to ****,
I'll wake you

We'll both brake our glassy eyes,
If you have enough for two

We'll sleep until the sun is hung high,
Then I'll wake you

You'll leave around noon,
And I'll tell my friends
That I left you
Ryan Topez Nov 2013
I've seen her once before,
Two years ago to be exact.
I followed her through an art exhibition,
A Tim Burton exhibition in fact.

Thoughts of her pale face,
Taunted me for years.
Like film reels, pictures played in my head.
From ear to ear.
Year to year.

I politely apologised to the people I ran into.
Never before had apologies fallen from my mouth,
So insincere.

My mind was on auto-pilot,
My body was in flight.
The people I nudged past were merely complications in the weather.
Storms, on a grey sky night.

She walked into a room,
Not a soul inside.
And as sure as I was unsure,
I trailed behind.

When I entered the room,
With not a soul inside,
She was not there.
Had she gone outside?
Had she disappeared into the brisk air of the night?

I despised myself for such anticipation

Well **** me,
Had I been deceived?
Why would my mind play such unpleasant tricks on me?
And enforce a false sense of reality?

The epitome of deceitful lust.
Was my mind, like most things in my life
Something I would have to learn,
Not to trust?

Two years later,
I saw her once more.
And two years later
Her pale face, I explored.
Ryan Topez Nov 2013
I took a different route home
And sat in the shade
Of a tree that over looked a park

Of rusted spring ponies
Paint chipped and weathered
All together, but so lonely
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