At times we need some times we want swimming threw a creak in to the swamp I step I sink I move I drop. A Lil bit lower I brings me down with every step I keep on pushing muddy and soaking wet I loose my shoes and can't see where I step my pants are soaked and waighs me down I take them off with no regrets not much further till I see some success  forward I move while I bleed out sweat  I push I pull watching  out for what I grab  life can hand u something that bites or stabs I dream of snakes  when I meet some new only a few can help me threw    this mucky land  I can't afford to sink further then I sand my knees my my waist my chest my neck any further it's worse then death I watch I pray I push away every day I choose my way I help I breath or I'm in the breeze all I want is this mud to stay from under my feet be careful who u choose when it's time to meet cause some will leave u dead and beet

At times we need some times we want swimming threw a creak in to the swamp I step I sink I move I drop. A Lil bit lower I brings me down with every step I keep on pushing muddy and soaking wet I loose my shoes and can't see where I step my pants are soaked and waighs me down I take them off with no regrets not much further till I see some success  forward I move while I bleed out sweat  I push I pull watching  out for what I grab  life can hand u something that bites or stabs I dream of snakes  when I meet some new only a few can help me threw    this mucky land  I can't afford to sink further then I sand my knees my my waist my chest my neck any further it's worse then death I watch I pray I push away every day I choose my way I help I breath or I'm in the breeze all I want is this mud to stay from under my feet be careful who u choose when it's time to meet cause some will leave u dead and beet

I learned how to fly 4 nothing

shattered my own broken heart
diminished to the lowest feeling
belittled my confidence
i steered  my self to a dead end  
i crash thinking i could love again
after my love left this earth  
the remembrance of her appeared
in a beautiful soul
an Ora of an angle
reflections of lights off her skin in the dark  
my heart  instantly wanted to work again
dreams appeared my brain was focused
i had a chance and it was amazing
i felt the energy run threw my blood
the connection was incredible
but every time i saw this outstanding person
my love grew strong
but love she was not looking for
i strained my mind
shattering  my heart that was broke already

Only in life a mind body and soul is all in one
When we sleep our mind and soul freely run
The time will come are soul will leave
Reincarnate to who we are supposed to be
The sun the moon the stars do last
But are body's are just an hour glass
Time will tick it can only live so long
It goes so  fast  but no need to run or dash
Love the ones and cherish them b4 they pass
Cause only in your dreams they will always belong
Time is ticking till it stops and are mind body and soul separates and move on

to truly think existence is a matter
im still here but dont feel seen
my mind reacts with depression
lost in a cave under the sea
droning slowly
hopping to be noticed
and i was
pulled out of my doubt
refreshed with faith
but it was just for a few moments
i got so excited that i was found
rambunctious i became
*** i felt like i was loosing my way again
and the more i push i started swimming down
down to that cave i droned
with more pain i had
no matter how much people help
it feels like they ruin me more
i sit in deep waters with pruned hands
waterlogged and warped  
comfortable with being alone
for that water i soak in is my tears
and that dark cave is my head

My tears drop
Creating rain
Fogy days translucent  pain
Can't see
Two feet dropping buckets
Flooded their ain't no drain
I swim for blocks
I loose breath
I sink with no breaking sweat
My bubbles are all my regrets
I hold it in
Till my last hiccup
I spit up
Air is not there
Still lost event on land nothing to compare  
Six feet under no one knows
Stuck in a coffin under water know one knows
I try to break out
But like quick sand
The more u stress the more u sink
Stressed out
claustrophobic The more I blink
The more I breath
I worry about other who don't give a **** about me
I give them my air event tho I can't breath
And all I get is a ******* it means **** to me
I split the seas
I'm still a float locked in air tight
I can loose anything but my life
Or my money I'm a rare type

I would sit and relax but
I have to watch time fly
Are mess is cleanable
Hurt but still desire
Lust is not love
But having love does not truly mean your in love
I can't help but see
And it's all not good
In time we grow old
And knowing this
And knowing that
Are two different things
I truly be leave I will go older alone
I can not fall in love anymore
It's just disappointing
And I refuse to go threw it
My mess can be cleaned
And I will try and help
Anyone who needs it
The last girl I really wanted a good relationship with
Took the last peace of my heart
And I would definitely stick by her side
But she is done with me so I am done with dating
Only in time only in time
I will not look I will not search
I try my best when it can to relationships  
But now to me it just don't matter anymore
I live my life a single soul

Sadness... I've lost way b4 I knew what loved ones truly are... I have lost with the card I was handed ..
Once you throw every thing away  you will

Be dealt the next hand

Got ****** in past life
Tied burned and buried
Crusified  starved and whipped
Theirs never a rush but life wants to hurry
The fermented fruits where used
To cherish. Meant to be sipped
Abused or used lessons in relish
I knew a man we saw saw from far
We differ but lived in the same constalations
Saw the same things and been threw the same preparations
I was forced to play he enjoyed the  partisapation
I grew sick of the corrupt had a change of heart and just wanted to love
This man has for filled his dreams of corruption altered his ego
And enjoys the killing
For filling my dues me and my best friend became old news
Enemies we say but really just fools
Change of heart to me was created
But still had to **** the negative
That's all inside me
My name is Gemini constentlly battling
My inner wars all though we don't get along my positive is strong
As long as I stand and don't follow my addictions
Consiquences are harsh and my negative is imprisoned  
If I was to set him free their will be a dramatic change in my eyes

Still in this till the end
I sheltered my soul can covered my heart
I agreed to stick to my self
And just stay here alone

Who cares no one.,,,,i am worth millions ... and rather die b4 I touch any penny alone no one will give me enough love to spend a dime  it ***** cause I suffer for the fact no love will take me for being broke ... I'd rather stay broke  ******* American girls ..... it's a great big world

Only if I lift  my plate and pass it around
I had no food maybe when it comes back around
I try and lift it up but it always came strait back down
I try and do good but it's just never enough
I'm not bad I do no harm I'm just heartless and always alarmed
I keep my smile but in side you will hear what I say
I have a sad soul 85% depression  never been happy
Had it rough as an adilessont beat down everyday from a passive agretion town down pulled down alway *******
Never owned **** I had it rough as a kid sleeping under the bed so they couldn't find me I was frightened to talk  but always thought y me I close my eyes I see a man with a belt behind me cried most of my tears so young that I just sit here and wait for life's out come I'm not even fighting to live I'm just living too die

If u are done u are done
I always new I was not your type
I felt that once B4
I have not yet found what I am looking for
I can not seem to keep anything
For the most part
I have  no time for the same old jokes

Not everyday can you wake up gets ****** over and be nice about it..
Apologies mean nothing I can live with out it
But to do the same thing over and over I ain't really about it
My stubborn is careless but I hurt no one but me
I go behind no one's back lie or just leave

A poor man's soul once told me u can live blind and still be able to see
Or u can have site and live life blindly

I care way to much till I begin to get hurt I still don't give up till I feel I'm lessening my worth

I've been left for dead more then a dozen even by family often by people I can call cousin  or by people u think u can love.. I must of been buggin

Never really had no one always chose to be alone theirs so much drama in the word and to me it's just better for it to be unknown

Y cheat y lie
Y stab someone in the back
Who wants to help
Y drain your self for someone who will hurt u
Y bother
Getting hurt goes both ways
You let them do it
I learned a lesson in a relationship
I was so easy going it ruined it
I let them have all the freedom they wanted
Gave them everything they asked
Allowed them to make their choice
And it bit me in the ***
Y even bother should I be more demanding
Is that the affection  they want
Idk all I know is I can't be controlled
So y bother being controlling
I was born to be single
Forget being with anyone
I love my self more when I'm sober alone
And that's what I am gunna be

I am just one Lil fish in a fishbowl
Surrounded by hooks
the glass can hold a gallon but only have 2 cups
swimming  all alone
no one near my no on in site
I get fed once a day
it's alright
circles and circles I go
My reflection is the best part
selfless and shiny
I skim the top
Broken from desire
as I bubble up some air
No one is beside me no one is around
I pay no mind I shelter in the same spot I play
no one is with me No one is near by

I know this girl
That laughs the same way she cries
sounds like she gasps hher last breath B4 she dies
She sacrificed her life
for her child's bright blue eyes
She tried her hardest to stay alive
She battled her pain
To see her baby's first breath
Just to let go of the last beat in her chest
Her strength held on with every push
And now her soul lives on to make sure that child is good

Locked sadness in a room
We sleep to a fan
And dream about doom
Past few times I open my eyes
My mother knocks to see if I'm alive
Haven't eaten for days
I left my job
Just want to be left alone
Turned my ringer off
So I don't hear my phone
I closed the shutter can't see if it's night or day
I haven't smoked or go out to play
My stomach  is smaller my heart is shot
As I sit in my bed to lay here and rot
I gave up on life cause every one gave up on me
I want to start over but I'm way to lonely
I don't want to meet I don't want to see
I just want a good job where no one bothers me
I live in silence I just left all that I know
I don't want to leave my bed or step out of this home
Weak I need to eat probably an apple would do
But I don't want to see life and what it can do
I sheltered my self I just look at the fan
I close my eyes to dream about eating again
Brain turned in to a mush my hole body is numb
I'm tired of life
Lusifer here I come

It don't bother me if u don't like me
I don't like me
I never expect things to go the way they go
It's un expected
U entered my life.... life is just a fling
And that's all i expect everything to be
A fling I pushed u away for a reason
No one ever sticks around
But don't fight with me to stay in my life
Just to make me hate my self even more

Idk maybe I'm not cut out
UN wanted

So sad

In the end are looses are really a win
A win that can't be beaten..
A lesson can be brought up as a downer
No depression  is just insane
Everyone wins everyone hurts everyone lives with them selves
Chances are always given u have to fall to stand back up taller
You have to loose to fight harder to win
Don't just take anything as a loss cause everything that goes on in your life prepares u for your next step forward

Flowing full of energy a constant rush of fresh air bleeding out bursts of positivity a change I never thought I would see created by raise from the sun on a clear unclouded day

As the wind blows
The world turns
the rivers flow
minds think
And the heart beats

I love
I love life
I love people  
I love the site
I love the feeling
I love to love
I love u
As much I love to drink
I got a job I work hard
But some times
I know love keeps me alive

A slave to love a dark time for my heart to feel  a sucker  that punishes him self from a deep pain of feeling ice cold this world is ice cold I must not become..  a four letter word that rips me to peace every chance it takes  cursed since birth is a feeling I will never learn to deal with  torments me and brings me down any chance they can I will only breath steam in this ice cold world cause me heart is to big to give up on love

Not found in the eyes
We suddenly look deeper
Some people create lies
But truth speaks for its self
Words contudict
And gestures explain
A Lil lie can be seen
Deep in the eyes of its teller
We can only tell by paying attention

It hurts feeling like nothing
I ***** believing  it
Its bad thinking your nothing to no one
No one really gives u reason
Your just another tool in the bag
That can be replaced in seconds
I feel replaceable  
Doesn't it hurt when u know their is no real reason
To stick around
No one shows me they want me around
No one really does
Doesn't it ***** knowing
No one really cares

My reality is exactly what it seems  
Cold hot sweats creating steam
Ride alone die alone I manage my own team
A dream of dreams a Dreamer dreams
The sun doesn't shine when I close my eyes
Its never daylight only darkened  sky's
Moon light shimmers over gloomy lakes
Hidden by the clouds stars glitter the sky's
threw the galaxy I test my limits
With open minds I have no addictions when I rest
I have plenty sleep its all I like to be alone with an open mind
I'm use to the pain I feel normal alone
Unless I let some one in... but that won't happen anymore
**** the world I I can't have no more friends
I loose them all cause forever ends

I'm on a plain
I must of past cloud nine
She speaks of life
Like life is just to deal with
what ever your ddealt  
Hidden card a bluff of fearless
In it to win it
kknowing theirs an option to loose
She speaks of life
like an unborn's mood
TTreasures of dirt
As if it was gold
Salted waters
and waves of creation
bbeginning to mold me
Like life is just an illusion
No one can make u feel
no one can let u down no one can pick your self up
Only your wave of creation
The vibes u want are the vibes u make
timeless placement in a selfish state
she shows me life
as if it's was never existing



The angels watch and keep me strong
Apear in my dreams and tell me the wrongs
Show me the paths and sometimes the future
they never gave up and always been truthful
Hand over hand I rest with in good arms held by the tightest
Guardian  arms every day I walk and their hands in my palms

I'm like a star
Millions of light years away
from any thing
No one is around
I shine by my self
Things float along
But to hot to come close to
I travel alone
I conversate with my self
No one shows up when I need help
No one not no one
it seem like
I only know how to make people leave
Walk away walk away
Know matter how good I do
No one stay no one stays

Waisted in a land of misary
Tourmented by my self
Cursed till the death of me
Lonely forever ill be
Singled out from  my pain
Looking in I can't see
Hurting cause its blinding
Lost alone
I find something to love
But they will never love me
I lay in bed for days no one even questions
Not one person would ever know
I drink my self to death
Drag my self to live
Owell is how I take it
Another on bites the dust
My feelings get the best of me
Overwhelming  my self to change
I'm eaten half way in side
My heart seams to fall even more apart
Shattered from this hell
I wake up just to pass back out
Day by day I live my life
Wondering why its so bad
I can't leave alone what I like
I push and push away
My stupidity gets the worst of me
My shame brings me down
I fall apart easily but since birth I worked it out
I can not have no one in my life
Cause when I do I fall in love and drag my self back to hell

I u live threw missing someone
U know u loved them

Deep down we yell
Screaming for a love
Some will never get
Dragged around are feet we walk
Heads are below are chest
Yerning for company
Swollowing are throats
Sarounded by the world and yet
We get more attention. From a plant
No one is around me but many are near
Hurting in so many ways
It shows out load and clear
People ask but don't listen
Turned away cause its not what they wanted to hear
Fake smiles and silky talk
But inside we don't get it are selves
Its just the way it is
Some people just have it
Sadness is in their blood

If I could speak to god
I wouldn't beg or demand
I simply come forth
or sstay ware I stand
I am not mad about what happened in the past
it seems like u put me on a road u can easily  crash
Forced on to a bad road
It's like u just threw me in trash
My decisions  my own when the choices where made
Not to smart got expelled in first grade
couldn't read till the middle of middle
I got tested every day by being belittled
It's not a thing about the past what's done is done
BuT ware am I going who have I become
Why am I in hell how long will this punishment last
I made a wrong turn as soon as I left that woum
Not all the choices where mine
It's the cards that u dealt
I can't seem to get a grip
Or ever work anything out
That's how I feel that's always what I felt
Got the short end of the stick
Right when I was born in this hell
I have so little questions and I know the answers will dwell
Can u help brighten my days
let me in on some faith
Cause I'm digging a hole with a shot gun to my face
I would like things to get better change for the best
Find some good friends and get out of this mess

It's pretty sad when u only attract pain sorrow or addictions
One word about it it bring confertational confliction
Their is nothing wrong with u I know that's why u chose me as a friend... deep down inside I can read people's mind souls and actions
I was taught to see deep I lead only the week to a free mind and a chance to seek... I allow your soul to freely express tears run threw pain hurt or worry... I can redeem your presents Ora and blurry.. me my self I have more issues then u my heart pounds harshly when I close my eyes it's like a wiplash in a threshold going threw a black hole but it only happens when I'm sitting alone I panic for no good reason and inside out of nowhere I feel like I'm bleeding  I tear up constintly and shiver like I'm freezing .. with a foot on my chest or like Jesus is kneeling my hole life was just a painful unpealing stripped  down to my soul for the beginnings unwheeling

It's only a negative to me when feelings arupt
Love is fake and emotions cerupt
It takes control and it's hard to ajust  
My hole life I'd just take it and rush
Nothing ever last all it does is mess with my head
No one is real I'd just rather be dead
I stay alone even with a crowd
Only people play with my head and tare my heart down
Just a feeling of me that no one likes it's
When I accompany I'm just left alone it's not the first Time.
I tear my way home
.setting a ground no one is aloud
I'm meant to be alone and alone I am now

Deep in the dark sky's with dim clouds with no moon
Acouple of stars looks like a tulip in full bloom shadowed by a light gray and off white..
A cool breeze wisps with the sounds of waves crashing
I relax it's a good night thanks for asking..
I don't ask for much I just like to chill calm as can be just like the feeling under the moon while I'm at the beach
I don't ask for much I just like to chill enjoy my ends with sound site and feel

We live to feel
In depth and in contact
We all fall apart from with in
Some are stronger then others
We all loose trust for one and some for all
Its hard to trust everyone of them when the few
Have placed u in the outer element
Destroyed  my kingdom of trust
People leave people go
Abandoned  I always felt
Pushed away told to be forgotten
I have always been left I have always been hung out to dry
Zig zagging  down my broken dreams
Thumping threw my broken heart I will always be alone
I can't stand being left anymore I will do the leaving
B4 it even starts
My mind thinks and thinks and thinks
And knowing I will only be hurt tells me to just go
Do not stay no one loves u and know one has
Just go I say to my self just go
Cause every one has took u for your worth every time
I gave them my heart and the leave with my beat
I will never want to go threw this again
Cause it's always happened
Scared to let people in for some reason
I get the... your just a good guy... good enough to **** over and leave
I get that now. I have no trust I have no plans.. I want Nothing
As I stand here alone I am just me my self and I
I push away and some come back fight me for my love and just throw it away... now they will always fight cause for the time I decide to leave I have no heart cause a couple of them took all the beats away

Amazing is the mid night breeze
The crashing waves
Reflections  in the deep blue sky's
A world of its own
We feel are high and relax in a zone
Hearing watching feeling  
Is a high alone
I love this time to clear my mind
It takes time... it takes time

Lost ones still communicate
Their souls are still around
Your love for them hurts u
Flashbacks from a sound

Lost ones still communicate
Threw dreams or a bbreeze
Goosebumps out of nowhere
From the sounds of the trees

I tell u they haunt  me
My loved ones are with me
When I close my eyes
or when I don't like what I see

I tell u they tell me
watch me threw the sky's
or their right next me
looking dead in my eyes

I still ask questions
They still second guess
I never follow my gut
I follow the gghost on my left

My best friends tthey haunt me
My ex girl is still here
some times I feel her squeeze me
a Lil will my eyes tear

I love feeling them around me
they help me see somewhat clear
I know I'm never alone
Cause they show me their souls are still near

Thriving for change
Want a new leaf
Dieing for driffrent
Loosing my mind
Quit everything
But still stuck on one thing
Not fun no fair
It's just upsetting
painful just knowing
And funny it's ironic
My idiotsy  is to much for me now
Annoying I guess
I gave it all up really
Want to start all over
And I am lazier then ever
Battered I'd say I am
Beeten like scrambled
As I laugh and smile
Don't worry  
Its not u that troubled me
U didn't faze me
I knew it would happen like this
No I want to get so high
Till my heart stops
No one can change me but me
I live for the future
If feeling like I do can stop
It wouldn't matter
But I do and it *****
Opened my eyes
From a nap
I'd rather keep them closed forever

Maybe the sun has its darkest days
Shadowed by clouds
Dimming it's raise
Clogging it's passage
Maybe the moon has its light
Bright enough to light up the earth
Glowing in its ways
Radiant halos we call stars
A message to my lover who ever u are
I pray to the lands and speak for the sky's
A chance we meet again I want nothing but good vibes
The elements stand by us as we set fire to the land
And swim towards fresh air
The power we hold in are hands
Is nothing but positive energy
And would only sucssed with one another
I gave u my faith.. with arms wide open
I'm not meant for no one
Except that one the kept me focused
We met once b4 we had a romance from the start
We all have are flaws... but still hope for the best
I hope it works out and for fill  your success  
Cause I will stand by your side flesh of my flesh

Boiling waters bubbling
While I preheat my oven
Broil the bake
Add a little salt I shake
Flavor my life with every mistake
Throw in some sweat for a Lil taste
Work ******* preparing my self
Not one bit is a waist...

Agony and misory
Suits me emotional and phisicly
Let out the box
I'm a beast
I tare **** up
When I wake up
And B4 I go to sleep
24/7 I scream with out a peep
I'll bring u to hell and it's all my treat
Wolf on the pral looking for the sheltered sheep
Designed to Rome the streets  but I trust no one
So no one rides with me
No witnesses no one can speak
Till death do me part
No one will hear a peep
I live my life solo
Drained from the sun
That's y I live at night
With a full moon I have my fun

Let me see the flaws of the worst of u
Open up till your negativity reacts
I want to see just to know
Let me see rage unleashed
Pain set aside I'd like to get to know the other u
Instead of hiding and acting one way
Cast away these spells of addiction
Open your eyes and let it go
Shaking with withdrawals  biting cheeks with grinding teeth
Let me see the best of u the change for the best
I'd like to know who u are I've already seen the worst of u
Nothings changed I'm still aware
I fight for a Chance  of a second shot
Soaking in my own sweat restless nights beginning days
I open up for u I'd change
By my self I am weak
And no one else seems to see
I spoke to u like I pray to God
Hopping for another shot
Years I gave up on me know one cared no one tried
But around u I felt alive
Damaged soul felt lifted and hole
The way u touch the feelings u mold
Chased away ran down my dreams
I close my eyes and its your eyes I see
For a long time you where the only one who bettered me

Seconds of desractions
Can cause a life time of pain
moments of hesitation
Can be more of a loss then a gain
Often we challenge are time
but your decisions  can effect
Anyone's life
with a drop of a dime
U can think twice it's only a choice
the wrong risk can take away a voice

Peace by peace
Every person I meet
takes all bit of my heart

Day by day
every time that I pray
He throws m3 in the middle of a game

Time after time
I fall for a trick
And my flaws act up
And forever with me they stick

ALL my life I've looked for a friend
But in the end I just get treated ****

Just waiting to dies slow
The pain is no better then the lies
heart akes with every breath
sadness and the feeling of nothing let
it's binds up and squeezes tight
Putting me out of place in a twilight
blood flow out of my eyes
hurt and heart broke from life
No friends to help out no one's around to see my torment
my life is a disaster  my soul is locked up in an air tight box
No time to breath no feeling of free no relaxation
And no self esteem
Fought for the end but now I'm just waiting
Theirs nothing left but pain and  paytionts  
Waiting to die I'm anxious

The world can't ajust
It spins and it wharls
Twisting and turning
On a line with the pearls
Spinning it's coarse  
Night and day
24/7 it's runs threw it's way
This world will not stop
Not for me or you
This world will keep going
After u and me
*******  us down
With the power of gravity
Chemically inclined for man
Are kingdoms are berieal ground
Are former land
The weight  it takes on the punishment  we give
It just keeps spinning  as its all life that it gives
Power to be promised it still runs it's coarse
The wait on my shoulders is no wait at all
But the emotions in my head and the feelings I get
The reactions I give and the sadness I sweat
I look in the world I see life and it's views
The only thing I don't get is why it's so tight in my shoes
I have everything to gain and really nothing to loose
I've been alone and can't seem to find a way I keep on circling the same coarse and nothing good comes my way
I just want to rip out my heart and mind and start over with out thinking or feeling this way