I see her
black hair, whitening
like chalk on my hands
eyes gouged out
leaving sockets
round as a pill-bug

I hear her whisper
raucous like pipes
too small to hold steam
she wants me to live
like a hermit

She's followed for years
a faithful housekeeper
she needs to be fired

My sleep has been fried
rattling clocks on walls
too loud for me to sleep

Her exorcism is coming
like a warm milk bottle
she can't stay here
it's time to go

I stare at my computer screen
hearts beating rapidly back
the stamping of feet at a stadium

Some hearts are glowing
filled with radium
some show a mass of white fat
too many years eating fast food
some are near death
flies soaring over a gray mass
anticipating the final thump

Occasionally I see healthy hearts
scrolling down my screen boldly
on a journey of self-experimentation

I let them breeze by on their voyage
careful to only pick the unfortunates
grabbing them from the screen
as if they were an apple on a shelf

I empty the heart of radium
letting the poison fill me instead
causing an earthquake in my head

I eat the white fat off the heart
feeling it travel down my esophagus
like a delayed release cyanide pill

I swat the flies off the gray mass
holding it to give my energy
my hair whitens and skin loosens

Collapsing with a loud crash
my face staring at the screen
holding tears back like rowdy children

Cave of wonder
rooms filled
with bodies
from my past
outfits of mine
some too small
others, too big

A piano sits
playing slowly
Moonlight Sonata
like funeral marches,
flames froth forth
smoldering the wood
like a busy bug zapper

Books and Skinner's Box
glow in my hand, shining
a light flows under my feet
a mirror flashes me the exit


As I try to run
to escape from here
the cave goes black
and my head sinks low
I know I'm not escaping

When the sun hides
the doubts arrive
playing hide and seek
talking behind my ear

Voices clang at pipes
crushing a plumber's work
I try to hide

Playing their game
the doubts find me
simply like a dachshund
searching for badgers

Brutality is enforced
my body beaten raw
like a bowl of dough

My head slaps the floor
as I fall, I see it
blue heels deep in mud
once a savior, now a doubt

Walking outside
cold on my face
like a lover's lips
before the breakup

A strand lilting
hair red as dusk
I grab it carefully
an exposed vein
a corroded artery
lying in my hand

A hand grips me
sending an image
of dogs fighting
fighting for food
while a tiger waits
unseen and forgotten

I look down and see it
faint and legible
words on a dusty mirror
the leaking heart
this time bandaged
and that's when I smile

The past will continue
a rabbit on a race track
for starving packs of dogs
forced to run for the meal
that will never come

The rabbit sneers back
its gray coat glistening
a meteor before it strikes
leaving nothing but evolution
to its own devices

Circles are made repeatedly
for years and centuries
in this eternal struggle
the dogs will never catch it
just as a highly focused author
fails to create a perfect novel

I wish I was a kid
decisions made for me
like a choose-your-adventure book
I didn't have to think
I was brain dead
like a stillborn

But then again
I don't miss it
I can think for myself
like a fast food patron
no one constantly calls me
no one questions my decisions
it's great
I miss being an adult