i thought maybe the drugs would inspire me
but instead i think i'm just getting dumber

caught in a loop
I once was naive
healthy and happy
incapable of being deceived
but how can this world
turn colors and shapes?
how can the earth
seem to be erased?
how can the time
pass without care?
and I wouldn't dare
to keep track.
the questions that **** me
the ones that sting deep
are those of existence
and pressure, and soul
for how can everything that defines me,
the entirety of my soul,
the vastness of my being be confined?
I'm stuck in this body,
I'm no more than a beating heart.
how can I explain that to people?
so I lay here,
under the light of an eight-ray moon,
which glitters and sparkles,
challenging the sun.
i think of the leaves
on the tree in the woods
how they weren't dead, but dying...
not green yet not entirely black...
and it filled me with grief.
why can't this beauty last forever?
why am I contained in this temporary body,
with feelings and problems and false obligations?
wishing the tree's would carry me away
I mourn the temporality of appreciation
eternally

i'll quit you someday,
like the light of a last cigarette
like the stop of the high before it hits
i will give up what i've given to you
you're no longer special to me,
not special like a drink today
i'll lose you if love hits too hard
to me you can matter no more
so like an old record,
that I need no more,
i'll offer you up
i'll walk out the door
because you're just another thing
I'm going to have to give up

i can't express in words
what i feel when the sun wakes me up
and i am left in silence, to weep, to be real
i can't think of a good way to say
how i long for an end to each day
to lie in the grass,
cup hot in my hand,
and love far on a whim out at bay
be real to me, darling
i want nothing more
than to sing, to move slowly, to dance in the leaves
something more than a star-glittered floor
and water to bathe in, just warm
i want nothing more than this feeling down deep
in a spot where we keep
the mind-kids, the memories, and every thought lost
secrets leak

and with one look,

he stole the youth right from my eyes.