Today woke me up without my consent
How dreadful is a day over the day before?
How tedious are my thoughts?
My love clutters the lives of the simple
Boys in foreign homes,
And they wish they could unsee me at all.
The travels of man do not matter,
So long as they unravel golden dreams.
A dream made of gold,
Too far out of reach.
My hopes live in the sky.
My heart underground.

guilt leaks from my eyes
and I am veiled with blame
for good reason, to hell with my name.
let me wither
in your violet shadow
[ kept company by beautiful darkness,
and clothed in the whitest of white. ]
you've stolen my arms,
you've left me unarmed
and still you will fire away
[all of the gems in this world and regret
could never repay all my debt.]

Today you slept in my bed for an hour.
When I tried to join you, you told me to leave you alone.

And the sun went cold,
The day you left me alive.

How could you not take me with you?

How could you leave me to fight this alone?

How selfish an act,
To welcome death alone,
In secret.

delicate words, I am
ending something good
spending more time alone, and
prolonging an illness just because.
even the pain makes me feel alive
roaring flames
alienation
treat a good man with hostility
eloquence at its finest.

getting higher than I wanted to
seeing spotlights when I look at you
Today isn't fair, it just isn't fair.
Burned to the bone like I'm working in Nassau
and I'm cold and alone,
dancing with all the lights off.
I'm sick and the day's delusions replay
and I can't remember the second half of today.
As I wander, I miss you - it's never been this bad -
even at sunset, no, it's never been this bad.
And what a privilege it is, to be lively and free,
[ where friends are falling like apples from a tree ]
where each complaint doesn't take them aback,
and a drunk rant makes the whole table laugh.
come to me, darling, for now I can speak!
a hello, I love you, we're sound off to sleep!
Please enter the night, together we'll become thieves.
We'll steal all the joy from this world,
and make our home where the bad people go.
Forever in misery, our eternity rest.
There's not a place in the world that can capture my heart so **** fast.

I'm not as good as they say I am.
Just a mop top **** with no direction.
I'm not as selfless as I want to be,
consistently giving in and giving up.
Stand your ground, show them you're strong.
Then go and disappoint yourself.
Help up like a rat, where you always belonged,
because there's no group central enough,
no friend generous enough,
no mother caring enough or boy even willing to try.
My isolation is a defense from the drama,
from the empty conversations and recurring embarrassments.
Like a clock, my hands have been broken,
worn from unfinished paintings,
and poems I don't have the courage to end.
I'm not as creative as they say that I am,
unable to fulfill requests as they come,
and I run from opportunity like it'll **** me.
A pretty face with a pretty sweet talk,
but I'll fool you like you've never been fooled before.
I'll show you things you have never seen,
like unjustified morals and an unwillingness to fight.
[ I'll show you a home for the most passionate desires,
with all it's doors locked so they can never escape. ]
And I'll stick around
for the hopeless dream that someday I may find somebody who cares half as much as I do.
I'm weak, I am afraid of pain,
Afraid of acting too much like myself.