My heart sings
My song cries
My cries shout
My shouts die

Tonight was lovely my dear
You did very well
Your heart sang with joy
Your smile widened
Your confidence grew
You were not fighting

You were whole
You were happy
You were guiltless
You weren't shy
You didn't hurt
You didn't remember
You didn't blush
You weren't embarrassed

You found the right words to say
Your violin sang with all you had
You said your goodbyes with joy
Sorrow didn't pierce your heart

Joy of confidence
Heart of soul
Mind of laughter

You'll never forget this night of success
Where you didn't want to cut at all
Starve or hit or feel angry
Or hate yourself

You didn't worry tonight
You were surrounded by happiness
You didn't feel like an outcast
You felt like you were one
One of many
Many make a body
And a body make a voice together
Singing joy
Spreading smiles

Remember this night my dear
Remember when you feel down
Remember when you are discouraged
Remember when you hurt
Look at the pictures
Let the memories fall
Like raindrops on your head
Cleaning your mind
Freshening your spirit

Lay down the blade
Uncurl your fist
Open the fridge
Remember tonight
Lay your head on your pillow
Curl up in your blanket
Relive the sights of people swarming around you
The smells of rosin and wood
The taste of cherry cough drops
The smile upon your face
Your friends and teachers smiling with you

You'll miss them so much
Your heart will rend apart
Blood will flow
Uncried tears thicken
Swallowing sobs
Remembering

It doesn't matter if you don't see them again
What matters is how much you think about them

Maybe you'll meet again
Maybe you won't
Remember this
You're never alone

Even though tonight is the end of things
This isn't our last goodbye
I will miss you very much
And see you eventually sometime

I'll think about you often
Almost every day
Wonder how you're doing
And if you'll walk my way

I'll hope to cross your paths
Sometime someday somehow
You'll always be my friends
I'll love you then as I love you now

Tonight is not our final act
One last show of what we can do
This is not the final concerto
Our friendships are not through

And even if next year doesn't happen
And things cannot work through
Though I might not see your faces
I will always remember you

To a friend of mine
A teacher
Someone I look up to

I look forward to seeing you
For one week every year
I admire you

I love being around you
Not in a creepy way
You're a friend

Your personality
Friendliness
Laughter
Joy
Happiness
Smiles
Excitement­
Quietness
Seriousness
Leadership
Passion for music
Love for God

I look up to you

Today I forgot to practice
My parents noticed
They told me
I should have practiced and
Not have made cards
Thank you cards for
My beloved teachers
Whom I love so much
But I can't tell them
With my voice

I went into my room
Ran and closed the door
Felt the guilt heave in me
I want to throw up on the floor

I want to cut myself
Hurt myself
Avoid the light of day
Never go back to my beloved string camp
Not tomorrow or any day

I feel ashamed for forgetting
I feel horrible and weak
I feel like nothing more
Than an ugly freak

Someone with no talent
Or physical beauty
Or a voice to describe this guilt

I know this guilt is unnecessary
But why do I feel it in me?
I haven't killed anyone
Or done anything agains the law

I just sacrificed some time
To make these lovely cards
Or are they even beautiful?
It was my sacrifice to make
Please don't rub it in
It already hurts
Anyway the day isn't over
Which is why I'm here with
My violin
My best friend
Who never talks but sings

I pick up my violin
And go through several songs
My back hurts
I've already played for 4 hours today
At camp
But when I'm done
The guilt is still there
It won't let go

Why

Why

Why

Woke up early
5:35
The sun not up
The birds asleep
Lingering nightmares
Cold horror hands
Gripping my head
Clenching my thoughts

They slip away
Weakening with the sun rising
It's a new day
A day looked forward to

Rushed breakfast
Fear I'm late
Fast shower
Packing decorations
Makeup painting
Hair brushing

Leaving the house
9:20
Picking up friends
Mom dropping us off
Greeting more people
Taking pictures
Together
All smiles
And laughter

Being with my friends
Driving around
To visit lonely people

The first woman
An invalid
Talking
Laughing
Joy
Smiles

We leave
Then lunch
Under the trees
Sandwiches
Delicious
Sun

On our way to another
Getting lost
Stupid GPS
Laughing
Joking
Talking
Sharing stories
Waiting for directions

Arriving
For a lonely woman
Who's husband of 66 years
Recently died
Depression
But happiness in us
Helping out
Planting
Weeding
Tending her flowers
Who keep her company
Thankfulness and appreciation
Cookies and water for love.

We must go
And go back to our group
We decorate tables
Themed ours
"Gifts from the Sea"
"Mermaid Dream"
Pearls and paper flowers
All blue and white
Shells and jars of sand
Clear glass pebbles
Blue table cloth
Beauty

Next is cooking
We each have our jobs
I make cookies
Ginger chocolate chip
The batter is good
Then help with the pizzas.

Chilling out for an hour
Talking and hanging
Waiting for our food

Time to eat
We approach the tables
8 different pizzas
All made by hand
By us
A salad bar as well
Sweet tea
We eat

Afterwards each team speaks
Team #3 speaks of cleaning
We Team #2 share our adventures
Team #1 share a play and experiences
In babysitting children

Speeches are made
A plaque presented
Tears of surprise

Cookies are brought out
The cookies I made
They are delicious

Games are then played
I win one
Then it's time to say goodbye
To all my one week friends

Late at night
11 pm
I sit and think
Of all that happened
And smile in memory

I know
You think I'm corrupt
Just for small things I love doing
That you don't enjoy

I know
You think my morals are low
Just because I like certain clothes
That you consider offensive

I know
You believe I have problems
Only because you hold me to standards I cannot achieve
I cannot be your perfect daughter

I know
You think I'm rebellious
Just because I make my own paths
Making my own road to travel

I know
You are worried about me
You worry that I will regret my life
Be hurt

Well,
I will be hurt
I already have been
I regret a lot
And I will regret later on

But I'd rather live a painful life
Full of regret and hurt
Than one of safety
Inside the castle walls
Protected forever
Untouched
Unscathed
Bored
Useless

I'd rather live outside the palace walls
Than in them
I'd rather explore the world
Than stay at home
I'd rather move all the time
Than stay in one place

I'd rather be seen as a Rebel
Outlaw wandering the world
Loner in a crowd of strangers
Than be seen as a Princess
Stay at home Daughter
Someone waiting for her prince to pick her up

I know
That's the life you want for me
Boring
Princess dream
Girly
Sweet
Pretty

But I already said before:
I make my own road to travel
Even if I'm all alone for a while
It is worth it to me
No Regrets
No Worries
Hakuna Matata