Today I forgot to practice
My parents noticed
They told me
I should have practiced and
Not have made cards
Thank you cards for
My beloved teachers
Whom I love so much
But I can't tell them
With my voice

I went into my room
Ran and closed the door
Felt the guilt heave in me
I want to throw up on the floor

I want to cut myself
Hurt myself
Avoid the light of day
Never go back to my beloved string camp
Not tomorrow or any day

I feel ashamed for forgetting
I feel horrible and weak
I feel like nothing more
Than an ugly freak

Someone with no talent
Or physical beauty
Or a voice to describe this guilt

I know this guilt is unnecessary
But why do I feel it in me?
I haven't killed anyone
Or done anything agains the law

I just sacrificed some time
To make these lovely cards
Or are they even beautiful?
It was my sacrifice to make
Please don't rub it in
It already hurts
Anyway the day isn't over
Which is why I'm here with
My violin
My best friend
Who never talks but sings

I pick up my violin
And go through several songs
My back hurts
I've already played for 4 hours today
At camp
But when I'm done
The guilt is still there
It won't let go

Why

Why

Why