I like him
That's the simple truth
Does he know?
No.
I don't believe he knows- for sure.
I've never told him,
He's never told me,
But I do like him
And I think he likes me.

I'm not very sure,
I don't want to move too fast.
I broke my heart once,
It was more than enough-
And then it was a crush-
But this is more.

I don't crush on you,
I feel free as a bird when around you.
I feel like I can fly
Free of this world
Into the stars
And beyond.

So I do like you.
I don't believe I love you yet.
I don't want to love you before it's time.
Because who knows? Maybe we are meant to be, maybe we aren't.
I don't want to risk hurting you or hurting myself by going to quickly.

So whenever you're ready,
I'm ready.
I'd like to get to know you better and better, before love.
I'd like to be best friends, before love.

It makes sense to take this slow.

Whenever you're ready,
I will be.
I still have things to learn.
I need to learn self respect a little more,
I need to learn how to be a little kinder.
I need to pray more and be closer to God,
Because if my relationship is right with Him, it will be right with you.

And if this isn't to be,
Since I haven't loved you,
It won't hurt.
We will still be friends,
And maybe I will love someone else.
I only like you right now.

Things have happened
Things have changed
Things have gone on
I'm not the same

I've been through fire
I've been through pain
I've been crushed
I'm not the same

I'm healed

How did I get here?
It wasn't easy.
My pain was at a high when I cut deep
Deeper than I ever had
And in that moment I realized
How easy
It would be
To die.

To DIE.

I was scared
I prayed for help to heal
That was when healing began
I tried to resist self inflicted pain
But failed countless times
I learned to get back up
Forgive myself
And keep going

Days turned into weeks
Weeks turned into months
With my therapist's help
I've been self harm free
For about 6 or 7 months

I no longer struggle with depression
My negativity
My anger
My hatred
My pain-
They aren't gone.
They just no longer have any hold onto me.
I've learned to let go of them.

I try to be positive when I'm alone
I really try

I try to be happy when I'm home alone
I really try

I try to be happy when I walk the streets alone
I really try

I try to be content when I'm online alone
I really try

I try to ignore the crushing pain all alone
I really try

I try to eat when I'm all alone
I really try

I try to love my body when I'm alone
I really try

I try to keep the tears in when I'm alone
I really try

I try to keep from cutting since I'm alone
I really try

I try not to hit my self when I'm alone
I really try

I try not to call myself ugly names when I'm alone
I really try

I try to call out to God when I'm alone
I really try

I try to believe that I'll find love but I'm still alone
I really try

I try to believe I'm beautiful in the mirror alone
I really try

I try
I try
I really
Really
Try

But


I



Fail




Every





Time




I need help but I can't find the will to seek it
I keep telling myself that I don't even need it

There's nothing wrong with me

I'm


.....fine.....

I am a field full of land mines.

Normal on the surface
Tall grasses
Flowers
Life

But under the dirt and grime

Hidden secrets lie

And if you touch me the right way
Accidental or not
One goes off

And if one goes off

The rest blow up the surface one by one until nothing but ashes are left.

All I want to do is hide.
Hide from the world.

I hide the true shape of my body in a large sweater.
I hide my face behind my hair.
I hide my legs with long pairs of jeans.
I hide my shoulders' scars with t shirts.
I want to help people,
But I run.

The only comfort I find
Is isolation
Silent as death.

I run to it in fear.

Just needing to hide.

So many thoughts flying through her head
So many habits dying to be fed
So many dreams her life could have led
If she hadn't cried all alone in her bed.

So many things she said with a smile
All the while forcing herself in denial
Putting her in pain from verdict to trial
Walking alone for many a mile.

Where this goes no one can see
No one knows except only she
But still she gives in and pays up the fee
Hoping for something she can never be.

At some point you grow numb.
At some point it becomes normal to hold it in.
At some point you forget how to cry.
And you just stand there and don't make a sound.