I fear that the voices in my head will get to me.
Lead me into becoming a puppet to their enchanting orders.
The heart that I trusted so much has fled.
I believe it now hides in a cabin,
Hoping that I don't find it.
It seems as if my body, soul and mind have a life of their own.
I wish I could hide the truth but the mirror never lies,
It reflects all my imperfections and how I trully feel inside.
I hate the mess I have become.
I hate what the people think I have become,
A PERFECT IMPERFECTION

The wind whispers to me in my sleep.
"How much longer shall we wait", it says to me.
The thunder roars at it and commands it to be silent.
" Shhh, we don't want to wake her up, she is not yet ready"
She is not yet ready?I wonder!

For a moment it appears to me as if the universe has invaded my dreams
I hear the skies discussing about me,
Are they not aware that I hear every word that they utter?

Could it be possible that the voices I hear are nothing but naive thoughts of my imagination?
Could sanity be taking over my sane?
Perhaps the madness makes us sane,
But perhaps my sanity makes me go mad.

My surroundings become unfamiliar.
Slowly but surely I drown myself into oblivion
Whilst I get drunk on what my thoughts have assumed for me.
I guess one never trully knows what the heavens have in mind for him.

Here I was planning my tomorrow,
Whilst the skies had already made a rulling of whom I would become.
I guess it is now safe to say that God is the only one who makes me sane.
Every night I lay there knowing that the the earth is at again.
The earth converses whilst I sleep and now I know why.

I thought of building myself a new home
I was getting tired of living in a house that had a roommate called hate and a neighbour called war.
I always new the house I was living in was never going to be my permanent residence
But I thought for the time being, my house earth would make me feel comfortable.
I realised that earth didn't care if I stayed in it's rooms or not because as soon as my roommate love died
Earth had already taken up a new tenant - hate
It surprised me how love could just be replaced with hate like that
Like love didn't even matter
And now hate and my neighbour war have become friends

They've been killing people in cold blood
And separating black from white like black and white TV shows never existed.
But it's not just them, they have friends called disease and hunger
Disease and hunger make it seem like it's inevitable for them to be here.
Eveytime they come they take away from my friend joy.
They leave us in pain and agony.
Our tears have become part of us that we have forgotten what it's like to live in a house with love.
This why I have to move out

So now I'm building myself a new home
A new home where I can be a permanent resident
My roommate will be love again
And my neighbour will be peace
The land where I can build my home has already been chosen for me
The owner of the land has already been looking out for me
He knows me by my name
And when the land is ready He will have me.

Judas betrayes Jesus
Me: "How could he do such a thing?"
Peter denies Jesus
Me: "Why would he do that?"
Thomas doubts
Me: "Where is his faith?"
Pharoah goes back on his word
Me:"Why is he this person?"

I judged Peter,
I judged Thomas,
I judged Pharaoh
And I judged Judas.

But then I realized I judged myself because all these men resembled a part of me,
A part that I also didn't want to be called upon.
I thought by facing the sun
And letting my shadow fall behind me,
I'd run away from that side of me.
But silly of me to think that my shadow disspaears in darkness,
To think that day doesn't come with night
And to think that everyone has the same mindset.

I realized that in life,
You will betray people.
Maybe not willingly, but you will let people down.
You won't always be honest and you will deny some things.
You will say one thing but do the other instead.
And you will doubt yourself or that you deserve goodness in your life.

As much as I adore and want to be like  Ruth, Mary, Paul and David,
I can't hide the fact that
Judas, Peter, Thomas and Pharoah are a part of the story too.
Even though they realized they hadn't done right,
It was too late.
Because by the time we were done reading about them,
We had already labeled them and said they weren't good enough.
We forgot to see that they were also humans and each of them had a role to play.
So when Judas realized what he had done was wrong,
We were still stuck on the chapter of him being a bad person.
And If not Judas it would have been anyone else.
So that was his story,
But I wonder what yours will be....