Without you I just feel so alive
Now wait before you start jumping to conclusions
I'm not meaning to cause pollution
Between you and I
I just mean to thank you
I've felt more in a month that I have in a lifetime
This is too real for a rhyme
My eyes have been opened
Though nearly killing me my heart is here
And my voice along with it
Never to be silenced again
Never to be hidden again
Through the monsters of my own imagination
No longer through degradation
My spirit is free
From myself
All along I had the key
Without you I feel so alive
I hate the feelings
But I love being alive
A feeling I will never fear again
Because being alive is what I have in the end
When I'm down on my luck
The hope I have is here to stay
And the hope is real
One day again it will be "we"
I just need to be alive without you
So I can be alive with you
And I thank you
And I love you
For what you have given us
I feel so painfully, wonderfully alive.

I told you I was hurt
Bleeding on the inside
I told you I was lost
In the middle of my life
There's times I stayed alive for you
There's times I would have died for you
There's times it didn't matter at all

Will you help find the right way up
Or let me take the wrong way down
Will you straighten me out or make me take the long way around
I took the low road in
I'll take the high road out
I'll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can't live without

Standing in the dark
I can see your shadow
You're the only light
That's breaking through the window
There's times I stayed alive for you
There's times I would have died for you
There's times it didn't matter at all

Will you help find the right way up
Or let me take the wrong way down
Will you straighten me out or make me take the long way around
I took the low road in
I'll take the high road out
I'll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can't live without

Well I'm not gonna give it away
Not gonna let it go just to wake up someday
Gone, gone
The worst part is looking back and knowing that
I was wrong

Help me find the right way up
Or let me take the wrong way down
Will you straighten me out
Or make me take the long way around
I took the low road in
I'll take the high road out
I'll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can't live without
I'll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can't live without

Awake again for the tenth night
It could be the fifteenth or the twentieth
I don't know, who's counting?
I lost count around night three
Maybe it was four?
All I knew was that I was in for more
Tossing and turning
Unable to sleep
My eyelids unable to shut
Then the frustration sets in
And I'm a wreck again
Because the thoughts won't stop coming
Then the tears won't stop flowing
Because I'm tired of this
No one knows just how tired I am of this
And yes, I just tried to rhyme "this" and "this"
I keep praying that maybe I have a cyst
Removed with just a clip and a snip
But, I won't have that luxury
Because people will think that I'm just telling stories
That's in all in my head
That's why I can't see the end
But no one knows just how tired I am
Because it's always an excuse
But why would I put myself through this abuse?
Sure the pain only stops when I cry
But, that's just science, I can't lie
The feeling comes and body responds
Now let's change to "The Big Bang Theory"
Maybe some comedy will make my heart cheery
Maybe it'll make me sleepy
Need to find something else
Since the thoughts I once used
Have been beaten and abused
And no longer help me sleep
They just leave me here to weep
Until then the sleepless nights will come
I'll still be sleeping some
I'll just be tired until it's done.

My stomach hasn't settled
Since that one day
Butterflies and knots
Riddling my stomach into decay
Like a virus
Eating from the inside out
Always hungry
Never full
Always eating
What's inside of me
Nothing hushes my aching stomach
What's wrong?
Maybe an ulcer
I guess it could be cancer
Of the stomach
Or liver
Maybe even the pancreas
It could even be my heart
But for now I'll just call them butterflies
Eating out my gut.

Against all odds
I will fight for you, my dear
Against all odds
With all and nothing to fear
Just take some care
Because you're still holding my heart
And I don't think I can rip it apart
From the warmth of your grasp
But, I don't know how long that warmth will last
Feeling pathetic and worried
I just wish time would hurry
No longer on the ground
I guess that was a start
The first step in healing my wounded heart
It's hard for the stitches to hold tight
When the weight of my heart grows heavy every night
When I'm laying in bed
And it's you cradling my head
Unrequited love
The thing ancient poets have spoken of
The thing songs are made of
They make it sound so graceful
But, really, it can sometimes be hateful
When you heart gets so heavy it's sitting on the floor
No longer inside of you but, laying on the ground
For the world to see
Gathering dirt and debris
Too heavy to handle
Because it's you I'm still safe with
And that shouldn't be
You're the one who broke up with me
You should be last on my mind
But, it was you I called when I was in a bind
And I can't see that changing
Because I meant when I said
I would have said yes
Now I'm just heavy with fear
My heart, you will tear
And without even knowing
I'll bleed out right there.

Accidental happenings and spun intentions
Into something so evil
The devil dare speak the words
The anger in my soul
Making Aries burn green
Fists and kicks
None hurt worse than words
Those without meaning
When strewn with guilt
And misjudgment
Creating puzzles out of clarity
And chaos out of peace
Cacophonies of noise
Disrupting the minds of those
Who the words still held meaning
To measure into the abyss.

No.
No.
No.
No.

That's what I said
But, you never listened.

No.
No.
No.
No.

Now just left feeling violated instead.

No.

Maybe next time you'll listen
But, there won't be a next time
Never again.