I used to think loneliness was something I could bear
I'd pride myself in living this life alone
Now I seem to find myself just longing for the love I've missed

Living alone was not so bad
I had time to find myself, time was mine and no one else's
Though time grows old when you're alone
You question why the clock ticks on
You count the seconds until the day is done
Then rest your head until your mind is numb

The numb is over and you rise again
You begin to ask "When will this end?"
Stuck in that dark place you wonder why
Why?
Why?
Why?
...why?
Why go on with no one here?

You've been strong, yes you have
You've found yourself, grown wise on your own
But, now what is the purpose?
Living your days alone holds no fulfillment
All the love you have to give
It is something, only if there is someone to share it with

There was so many words not spoken
Between you and me
Before you left it could have been
You said you’d be back
But that’s not to be
I know my thoughts are getting to you
Some way or another, I know they are
There’s still that one connection
The little thread between dream and reality
I can feel it
If only I could see you one last time
To tell you those three words that mean the most
The only three we haven’t said
I wish I could feel your arms around me one last time
I know that can’t be
I just wish that you knew
That I love you

My morning goes as such:
I take a shower
I brush my teeth
I comb my hair
And have nothing to eat
I sit with a mirror and stare at my face
So many imperfections that I try to pluck away
I squeeze into jeans and look at my ****
I don’t like the way it looks but, I guess I’m out of luck
Now time for the hair which I dry and I brush
Then I **** it with my straight iron until it looks good
Then the make-up goes on until my face is away
I try not to look fake, I wonder what you’d say
My lashes get long and my face gets bronzed
Now I stand in the mirror and I ask myself “What went wrong?”
Why is this me?
My stomach sticks out
My thighs too big
Too much muscle, it’s like I’m a man
Standing in the mirror I move and I shift
To the right, to the left, Why is it like this?
Every day, every night, every time I see in a mirror
I see myself as this
The ugly one
The odd one
The one that’ll never fit
The one that’s too fat
She looks like a man
She tries to be pretty
Clearly she fails
So, I find myself, standing in the mirror
Tears in my eyes, my face bronzed
What went wrong?

This is one of those cheesy things
One of those things about love that people can’t stand
It starts with “I miss you” and ends with “I love you”
In the middle comes “I always knew you were the one”
Later on comes “We’ll be together forever”
And it ends with “I love you”
But, now we are at the start
I miss you
I miss you terribly so
There are times I cannot bear it
There are times I think it’d be easier if I were to end it
Then I think of the next
I always knew you were the one
From day one, it was only you
Through the ups and the downs, lord knows we’ve had them
It has always been you, faithful and true
We’ve been going strong and showing no signs of slowing
We’ll be together forever
That’s it, that’s the next part
Pieces start to come together
Our life begins to form
That’s when the ending ties it all in
I love you, my darling
I always have and I always will
From start to finish and life to death
Forever, my darling
I love you

It’s been 2 months
And I can’t do it
Living without you
It’s something I could never do
I spend my days coping
Work, food, sleep, work, food, sleep
A never ending routine
Our life was never routine
There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t mourn for you
For the loss of you
The loss of our love
The loss of me
I don’t know what to do
Sitting here with this bottle of pills
I don’t know what to do
You’re picture on my desk
I don’t know what to do
Maybe if I were dead
I’d see you again
But then again
What if I don’t?
My mind races
Heart beat quickens
You would tell me I’m being ridiculous
You would tell me to stop
But, I was never one to follow directions
Now was I?
It’s what you loved about me
I went against the grain
Well now I don’t
I think
And think
And think…
Till death do us part
I said
We said
I was never one to follow directions
My last thought before the room began to spin
I see your face before my world goes dark again

Now we have lived a life together
Our life has been happy
Through triumphs and strife we have stood by
We’ve been by each other through it all
Our love was long and still is
My life has ended
But, I can tell you this
I still love you
I pray every day that you can still feel me there beside you
Because I am
I am with you, forever and always
Our love has not died
Death could not destroy this
I see you cry at night
And I wish I could help you
It tears me open every time I see you cry
But, forever, I will be by your side
I sit at the table with you
I eat breakfast with you
I sleep with you
Forever by your side
I wish you to not mourn for me, my love
For I am right here
I know your heart is breaking
For mine is breaking, too
Our hearts, torn in two
I ask you to remember our memories
Remember the long nights alone
Our wedding, the proclamation of our everlasting love
The countless vacations spent together
Remember it all
Relive it all
Though we are in two different worlds
Our love is still
It will never die

7:45pm
That’s when I got the call
I dropped the phone
I couldn’t believe it
“We have your wife”
It was the hospital
Our life flashed before my eyes as I drove
Her hair, shimmering in the sunlight
Her big brown eyes smiling at me after a hard day
Those eyes
I lost myself in them
I was never happier
Now
All that is shattered
My foot on the gas
I speed down the highway
My knuckles white against the dark wheel
My face white against my dark hair
Slamming on the breaks
Running inside
I see her
And I see the doctor
I see the look in his eye
He says the words but I can’t hear
I walk towards her
Tears in my eyes
Laying there still
Deathly still
It’s my baby
My one and only
No more shine to her hair
No more sheen to her skin
I take her in my arms and weep
Her lifeless body stiff against mine
My cries turn to screams
How could this happen?
Why her?
Why not me?
They make me leave
I sign forms
Talk to people I don’t know
It’s all a blur
My life
My love
It’s all gone
I leave
The ride home
It’s raining
My mind is numb
Shock
Walking in
I shut the door
I walk to the bedroom
I see her
Her jewelry
Her clothes
She’s here
Why isn’t she here?
She isn’t here
And never will be again
The rage builds up
My tears begin to fall once more
I wake up the next morning
The mirrors broken
Clothes everywhere
My hand is broken
But, you still aren’t here.