The lines in your hands are important to me.
They’re still important to me after 9 months
of not telling you how my day was
Or asking you about yours
Of not seeing your eyes crinkle every time you smile
or leaning into you for comfort like a child.
Your laugh is important to me
It is still so important to me after 9 months
of not hearing it
and now half-forgetting what it sounds like.
And I
in my softness
miss you so.
Miss you so that I sometimes cannot sleep
Cannot sleep because I am thinking of you
and the lines in your hands
and your laugh
and just how whole
you made me realise I could feel.

Often
I
Think of you not thinking of me
My heart stops
swallows
holds itself together with tiny hands.
And you got your license
after the fact -
Us.
You found a job,
probably found happiness
when you lost me.
I washed down
the rivers in your heart
The ones I had thought
were gold and silver fountains that we drank from.
You sit
eating dinner slowly
laughing at the television
licking your knife clean.
But when we both watch the same sun set
I am
quite empty.
I Think of you not thinking of me -
When will I
Think of me.

I am drifting
Through slow warm rivers.
They carry me to your light,
as you once carried me.
I am whole again
Because I am nobody
and my body
renders no meaning.
no function
no requirements.
I am just free
to flow in and out of your dreams.
And upon finding you I kiss your cheek always
and hope that when you wake
you will put your hand to your face
and be comforted.

that can never forget
that can never undo

I love you in a place that is warm, that is frilly
I love you in a place where it is eternally spring

The heart may cease to beat
The mind may soon forget..
But deep in my soul
in this place of eternal spring
lies your hands,
your eyes
the whispers of your very being -
safe in a place
that is never forgotten.