The porch waits behind the glass
It empathizes as needed
I step on it once again
And smoke in its graces

A compress over the cliff
We aspire at Deveraux
once again to hear
the ocean's rhythmic advice

And I do wince, such a daunting way
upon the enraged sky
A tormented face
looking at impassioned ways

And now a visitor appears
another tormented face
under a gossamer spun
brazen reds opulent yellows
pale blues push through
as it unravels
with a photograph

Her porch vacant once again
Mine thankful of its owner
to give a futile roll of discontent

And once again we listen and gaze
And once again we inhale the salt air
And once I saw because I stayed
Four dolphins shoulder the sand

I've ran the lines between fate
Dodged the arrows of karma
I've winked and laughed at death
As life stopped me at my tail
Ive drank wine with what's unspoken
Bribed the unforgiving 
I've stroked the misleading and held his hand while he was pleading 

I am lying still 
Every tear is spilling
Now I am the one who is caught
Chaos and destruction has hung me by the throat 
I have no emotion
I am restrained by pending gravity
Suspended by the grip of pain
It soars inside out my veins
Who am I to think I can run away?
I've ran the darkest mile along side of denial 
With nothing but a beaming smile

Fifteen years since I was safe.
Six years since I had a peace of mind.
One year, six months since our first kiss.
One year since our last.
Ten months since I last felt your touch.
Eight months since we had a conversation.
Seven months, five days since were were together.
Two months since it rained.
Two weeks since I last cried.

Three seconds since I last thought of you.

*My memory is my greatest enemy.

People might leave
People might
But i know i won't be those peopl
You cry
You sigh
But don't wine
Cause we'll always be here
You can count on us
You can tell us
We sur won't tell nobody
You can trust
You can tell
Cause i won't be the on to go

Just another night in the house with no ceiling,
staring up as I lay on my bed.
I look at the body next to me and there is no feeling.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m really dead.

Like a dragon he exhales and his poison floats.
He turns, gazes into my eyes.
He tells me “You’re beautiful. Pass me my coat.
In the front pocket there’s a surprise.”

Somehow my numb legs manage to move me
and I glide by the mess on the floor.
living in filth like this just doesn’t bother me,
because I’m not really alive any more.

As I arrive at my destination,
and throw back the thing he desires,
his slow movements fill me with massive frustration,
as my short patience already tires.

I already know what he’s got in store,
I can tell by the look on his face,
I want it, I need it, I’ve got to have more,
to get to my happiest place,


with a smile already creeping as he pulls out the bag,
on his torso he draws me a line,
he hands me the cigarette and I take a drag,
and I’m ready, so soon I’ll be fine.

My nose strokes the skin on his body, dark and strong,
and my nostrils feel the tingle they crave,
he smells clean and fresh, like he doesn’t belong,
in this cold, dark, emotionless cave.

Eyes flutter,
Hearts pound,
Beds bouncing,
Naughty sounds,
Voices laughing,
Music blaring,
Faces smiling,
Just not caring,
Lots of sighing,
Happy ending,
(for one at least)
One’s just pretending,

Music fading…Bodies tired,
Pulses fading…No longer wired,
Smile fading…Wearing off,
The meter is empty. Nothing left in the trough.
In place of the high there comes the regret,
The ‘Why do I do this?’ and getting upset,
The lack of attraction but the need to be attractive,
That keeps the life in this bedroom so active,
The pain disappears and I feel alive,
With a line or a pill, or two, three, four, five,
And the cycle begins again when I feel like I’m low,
I just lie back, close my eyes and roll in the snow.

Just another night in the house with no ceiling,
staring up as I lay on my bed.
I look at the body next to me and there is no feeling.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m really dead.

This is actually lyrics to a song I wrote. When I record it on soundcloud I will post a link here*

There
There goes that smile again
That smile that always brings me down, and yet my whole world it revolves around
That smile

In this pathetic game,
I'm just a pawn and you're the king
Yet more than once I've dreamt of wedding rings
but

Every day you pass me by without a second glance and I can't help but feel a little more than bruised
I vow to learn from past mistakes
Give up this hopeless chase
Forget all thoughts of ever loving you

(But) Dawn
Dawn brings your smile again
At 7:53 A.M
I find my thoughts pine once again
With hope anew
You'll see my smile too
But 'til that fateful day come true
I'll always wake up to the sound of
Wanting you