I am so hurt.
You're making me feel alone.

I cant believe you.
You always have to be right.
I'm hurt by the way you show me you
don't care when we're fighting.

I HATE that!!
Why can't you be understanding?
Why is it so ******* complicated with you when we argue?

I'm NOT GIVING IN....
Its your turn this time.

God,
Teach me how to appreciate others.
Mothers, fathers, brothers, and any others

I really wanna notice,
assist me, I'm devoted.

Life is to love, so demonstrate how not to hate.

Coach me, guide my path, help me keep it straight
I don't want to lye and wait, wake me up, kick me up, get me going at any rate

Because I need to figure this out, to me Its important that I know,
Its a priority that i get this down, some how, no longer should it be a noun, make it drown.lets make it a verb,
kick my bad attitude to the curb

Put me in my place, I wanna grow  even more so
so hammer throw this to my head,
so I can finally lay down in my water bed
so goodnight I said,
Amen:)

You chose me.
I was always the one to be chosen last.
You loved me outrageously before  
I even knew how to love me.

God you amaze me.
Help me be loving like you God.
Thank you God for making me full.
I feel it.

I want to love like you love me.

God I am calling for you.
I need help.
I cant do this on my own, I am not strong enough.

The circumstances in my daily life make it hard to remember to turn to you and ask for help.
And then I fall apart, because I need you.

How can I fix this stressful cycle for me and for my loved ones?

God I have such a huge drive for wanting to know you, for you to be by my side.

I continue to get distracted.

Can you place things in my life Lord that can remind me of you, or take up some of my time to give to you, grow with you?

I feel like that's what would help, do you?

I'm craving reassurance from this world to a unhealthy point, making others suffer from my intense mood swings, and from losing touch in my identity in you.  
When I am with you I view myself as the child of God not someone who needs reassurance that I am okay.
That is what I long for.
God please help me remember to remember you.

Watching that,
It hit me, hard.

"Mommy, when is daddy coming home?"
"Mommy I cant sleep without daddy here to tuck me in.."
"Daddy, did I make you go away?"

You'd think that
by now the memories
would have gone away..
Hearing the same words
I said come from another,
in the same situation
reminded me of how bad
that pain confused me.

She was the same age
she looked like the pictures did of me..
She wanted her daddy back like me.
I remember.

"The kids at school think I'm weird"
"They called me a freak"
"Even the nice kids make fun of me"
"I am starting to believe them.... What they say about me"
"I am a freak"

Hearing that, too
brings back excruciating anxiety
that I remember all to well.

The panic attacks set in,
the tears come in,
hurts more cause i have been
able to overlook and forget everything
that
they did.

I believed what they said too.
"I am a freak" I said,
There is something wrong with me, obviously,
I thought.

I Why wouldn't you fight for us, me?
I didn't know how you felt,
but you knew what we were,
didn't seem to phase you, cause you still left
and I wept
Yeah I forgive you,
but I don't forget
You got yourself in a close set, of some bad debt.

I was that "freak"
I was that little girl,
and I watched it happen all over TV

It hurt to see me,
and it hurt to see you leave
I hated you for not being there with me opening presents under the Christmas tree
but it worked to a tolerable degree
I don't want to see my future kids be me though,
I hope they don't have to.
But I love you,
cause I mess up too.

And for the freak, you aren't what they say you are.
You re beautifully, and amazingly AWESOME, **** what they say.
And that will be all i have to say,
have a good day.