Im sorry I dont believe you
It's not that i havent tried

but i have been betrayed so much in my life
I'm sorry these things take time

I'm sorry i dont know how it feels
to be left a lone

I'm sorry I cant relate
I'm sorry I cant read you
I'm sorry I dont know you tells

It's not that I havent tried
But ever time i do
I tell my self to stop

because i dont read people to know
like you do
or i think you do

I do it to figure people out
the first thing i try to do is hurt them
the first thing i do is find thier weaknesses

So that when the time comes
I can use it against them

But yes i have tried
tried to read you
but that is one thing i havent been able to do

I'm sorry i dont know you
I wish i did
I'm sorry I'm not the friend

That you needed

I wish you where enough
To give oxygen to my dead lungs
To teach my heart how to beat
To show me how to give love

I wish you where enough
To show me what real
Make me feel whole
Teach me how to feel

I wish you where enough
To give me hope
Make me wanna live with myself
Help me throw away my rope

I wish you where enough
To give me enough strength
To send my demons away
So we can be happy

I wish you where enough
To save me

There was this  girl named bella
she was about 12 and she was saved
it was heroes day at school
and she didn't want to look like a fool
so instead of writing about her real hero
she wrote about her dad
and that made everyone glad
but what she didn't realize
there was some thing
he was a dork I admit
but what wasn't afriad to tell you what he thinks
so when he got up he said
"my hero is jesus
because he saved me"
then bella's friends started laughing
and so did she
but inside she wished she had the guts
to go up on stage and talk about Jesus's love
like he

Depressed?
No.. I think you have the wrong soul
because I no longer take that as my identity

Sick?
I'm sorry are you talking to me?
I have been healed and will never let a disease be my reality

Lost?
Not exactly
I found myself a long time ago and decided
Other people will no  longer define me

She leaned on her religion
yoiu called it weak
but to me it is the strongest thing see
because she was christian and she wasnt afriad to tell anybody
you see this is how most christians see and react to things
they say
"I dont hide my christianity
if it comes up in a conversation I might say something
I will be nice if people need me
but I dont walk around knocking on doors
I  dont go out evangaling
So christian is not what people see when they see me
thats not my problem
not my fault that they dont see the signs
that they cant read between the lines
not because of me"
and then they say
"I don't hide my christianity"

Living on the outside
scared of the light
breaking from the inside
full of fright
trying to be kind
im losing my might
I promise you i tried
tried to be polite
I dont wanna die

You remind me of her
All to well
From the suicide jokes to the lack of faith in me
Your so similar it scares me to hell
Because she died
And you did too
And now I'm stuck here torturing myself wondering what would happen if I lost you
And it could  happen
Any day now
Any second
And you wouldn't of known...
Please
Don't go
Because if you go to heaven
I can't follow you
As much as I would like too
I have people here
And I promised myself never to leave somone like she left me
No matter how hard life got
No one deserves to know that type of grief
And your my best friend
I won't tell you no to a lot of things
But you can't die from this
You can't leave me
Again

I wish I was sorry
I wish i cared
But when you've broken somebody
You gotta leave the pieces there
Let them carry themselves back up
And put the pieces together
Give them time and space to heal
But know theyll be wounded forever

Like me

Maybe there is someone who can make you happy
Maybe there is someone who can show you love
Maybe there is someone who will love you enough to save you

But that person is not me

Yes I have tried
Trust and believe
This is the truth neither of us want to face
Don't shed a tear
No need to cry
Im just not that guy
I don't want to force it
Because when I say I love you
We both know I lie
I don't want to make you pretend you love me
When I can see in your eyes that's one thing you don't do
Im not breaking up with you
In showing you our love has already died
Please
Don't cry
I hate to see your tears
We have tried to make it work for all these years
You are an amazing woman
I want you to be Happy
And with me
That will not be
I tried to love you
Trust me I tried
But this is goodbye

I'm not here to tell you you are wrong
i know a lot of christians sing that song
But I'm not going to tell you you were right either
I'm here to talk about love
Love is strong
love can tear a world apart
love is the way he still listens to us
when we pray for things out of jealousy
love shouldn't be on the streets
Yes, love is on the streets
People are in gangs because the love attracts them
they make an attachment
to a thin layer of love
that tends to fall short often
You might think they would realize thats not where they should go
but love attracts more than you know
They should go to the church but that is not where helpless people flow
Because the church is no longer filled with love
And don't get me wrong I've seen amazing things with help from above
but since that doesn't happen a lot
hopeless people turn to ***
Then the church is the first place the gossip goes
The preacher talks about drugs that Sunday
he didn't say your name
but everyone knows he is talking about you anyway
Then the hopeless people leave the church
and they are back on the streets
You see where I am going with this?
We are quick to blame them
yet we are to blame too
They jumped off a cliff and we talked about them as they fell
not knowing if we will ever see them again
And you fake like your their friend
till you slip up and they stab you in the back
do you think God will be pleased with that?
Lets rewind back to when Jesus was on Earth
He loved us more than we knew
while he was on the crosse he screamed
"Forgive them, they know not what they do!"
Yet you still don't know do you?
Do you know you are hurting the people God loves?
Hurting them when they did nothing to you
And they thought you loved them too
Jesus forgave you, and you didn't know the power of what you do
Right now I am telling you
You don't have the right   to talk about a man because he has tattoos
Or even judge a girl because you think she stole her shoes
Or even gossip about a dead beat dad drinking *****
because one day that might be you
Let me tell you what to do
love
because then you have the assurance one day someone will do the same for you
You see love is like a bandage mending broken wounds
Love is  a wall you can lean on
like the souls in your shoes
They keep people from falling
and they catch you if you do
love is something that makes people brand new
love is inside of you
Give love
because there is someone who needs it from you

Monsters never leave us

They just sleep

until we think we are safe

Then our demons come back

and we realize they never left

He doesn't understand how much I try
try to do things right
make him see me fully
that I am not completely
foolish
I do everything
somehow  he doesn't see
see me for me
and all of the things
I do to make him believe
never come out how it should be seen
thanks everyone but me
so now I am broken
I tried to stay strong
but it broke me
he never saw how much I tried
to stay strong for him
keep everything ok
But today was my breaking day

How was school?

My mind starts racing
looking for wrids
horrible
loney depreesing
disheartning
painful
hateble
Embarssing
A costume party

Yet all I say is good

Music is a language only some can speak
When a song comes on and you get out of you seat
When the strum of a violin means more the the words he sings
Music is amazing
Words strike the mind
but music strikes the heart
Music can tear your world apart
Then put it back together
Music tells a story
a story only some can hear
Music can sway you
and destroy all of your fear
Music is amazing
Music is always near

Anybody here remember Claude? She was a user, but she must of taken her account down or something because I can't find her. It's really sad because I loved her stuff. She took a part of me with her.

I am a liar
as simple as that
I know you don't see many people
stating their problems as a fact
but I am

I am judgemental
I judge everyone
on everything
I know I'm not the only one judging
but right now I am the only one admitting

I'm a manipulator
I change things to my will
so that people will believe everything I think

I'm not perfect
and neither are you
so I suggest you let it out
so you can make you a better you

I want to text him
So bad
It's as if I'm going through rehab
Addicted to the touch of his skin
And the sting of his words
But I won't
I can't
For you

i don't know what it is
But you make me feel like I can do better than this
Like the person I pretend to be
Could actually be me

You remind me of her
So much it hurts to talk to you
Or To look at you for to long
Because she is at the edge of everything you do
It seems as if she is behind everything you say
But more than that

You  are more than just her memory
You make me happy
Something I said I would never be
I Didn't know I could smile without her
And it's been so long since I truely have

I figured out why you are so special
I discovered what you can do
But I'm not going to tell you because if you don't believe it for yourself
You will never see it

I hope one day somone makes you as happy
As you make me
Because your changing my world
And I hope one day somone can change yours

Smile, im gonna die soon

My pencil writes on
My paper, and nothing comes
Out, Haikus are hard

Distance yourself from her and others things that are hurting you

And Fill the wholes they left with God

“Hey whats your favorite color? I mean you're blind so do you not have one? or can you image it?”
“I dont have a favorite color, that “blind thing” means i can't see them, so i never really choose a favorite.”
“Thats sad, imma help you see colors.”
“I dont understa-”
“shhh” he said as he put his soft finger to her lips and made her forget her question.
“Remember when we felt the sun? The warmth and the the feeling of pure life we got from it?”
He traces his fingers up her arms and says” The covering of it, and the pringling feeling we get on our skin when we feel it?”
She loses herself in his touch. “Yeah it was beautiful.”
“Well yes, that was what people say is yellow. Some people say it is overwhelming, but i think its refreshing and reassuring.”
Georgia nods and leans into his shoulder.
“Now red, red is strong.”
“There is this song by Tyler Ford, and its literally the only way i can explain red.” He reaches over her, his arm across her stomach, and pulls the guitar on his lap. He puts his arm around her shoulder and reaches back to the guitar. He started to play, and sing in the worse voice Georgia has ever heard. She smiled and tried to focus on the words, and not the feeling of yellow she feels from his arm around her shoulders.

There are two types of people we all need
Someone to make us smile
And somone to remind us to cry

Have you ever felt lonely?
as in the world is stacked against you
and you dont know where your going

I live not knowing
why im not desirable
do i seem not aquirable
what is wrong with me?

Have you ever felt lonely?
because its hopelessly depressing
like drowinging in a lake and no one is besides me
I'm lonely
and I'm tired of living

Death is funny in a way
Knowing it is coming makes you wanna live
no matter how many times you asked for it
the reality of death
makes you want life

You hide
You hide behind your jokes and lies
you hide
you hide behind your disguse
and don't want people to realize
that you hide
you dont want me to see with my own eyes
and that makes you like me
so you can keep hiding
until you let me see
who you are and who you will  be

Claude......

I never thought I would have to leave you
I always thought you would leave me

I want to stay in this world
but its not where i was meant to be
in this place i cant be me
I dont know what to believe

and now im sitting here
writing about my life
wondering how to make it past this fight
then realizing i shouldnt

I know thats not what you want to hear
but the end of my story is near
this world is ful of fear
and i dont want to be scared
im sorry im leaving
but I was just not meant to be here

Hearts don't lie
But why do I feel betrayed by everything it tells me
I'm suffocating because my heart is convincing me I need you to breathe
But I was breathing alone just fine before you
I was being alone just find before you
I'm trying not to be angry
I'm trying not to hate you
Because I understand it's not your fault
This is not what you want
But you had a choice
You have a choice
And your decisions have hurt me
I told you this would happen
But when I said it I should of believed
I should of listened to myself
But instead I'm here again
Hating somone I love with a passion
For being happy
Without me

Your words cut me deeper than my knife

its was the only other time i have felt alive

I cant sleep
but I would rather stay up knowing
you are somewhere awake thinking about me
We cant sleep

You cry over spilled milk

While I clean it up

I was born
4. I woke up this morning
3. I survived turning 13
2. I wrote my first long poem called Copy Cat  
1. I became saved

I'm sitting here trying to be strong
listening to passenger songs
trying to find out what is going on
i try to sing along

but i know the words far to well
because I know how he felt
I know what it felt like when he fell

I'm sitting her trying to be strong
listening to passenger songs
wondering where you have gone

In came I at the end of the storm
Soaked through to the skin with icy rain
I six or seven weeks old abandoned once again
Too young to believe in the spoken eventuality of spring
Of which the elders told mystically the unseen shifts would bring

Too young to conceptualize the marsh grass
dry, the blue skied sun ablaze in the sky
Too young to believe in clouds of butterfly
Driven forward by the simple wish not to die

Came I to the door and mewling stood
Until it opened and into gargantuan
Heated arms lifted and I folded into them apparently for good

Was I wise?
When in I came
Warmed in those flanneled human arms
Dried with a towel from icy rain
I lie on floors polished to a shining glow
warm, clean and fed I see myself grow

Outside the glass the wind howls
The trees now iced and bare
Would I have lived to test the mythic spring
I know not that, know only this one thing

That should the time actually come when
All outside transforms to warm, scented green
It will through 'pain' of clean impenetrable
Glass by me, safe, ensconced, separated,
Looking out from within - be not ever felt, yet ever seen

When I was a kid I loved stories
I used to run home from school
to hear my mom tell them to me
just to run back and share the news with my fellow classmates the next day

When I was a kid
I used to throw rocks and pebbles at trees and rocks
Into lakes and logs
just to prove i could make it

When I was a kid
I was special
not because of something i did
but because I believed I was

Now that i am older I hate stories
because all they are are cruel reminders that my life will never be that perfect
cruel reminders that i will never have a right mind
cruel reminders that i am the monster in the story
and the heroes never try to save me from myself

Now that i am older I don't throw rocks
Because no matter how hard i throw
how amazing i can aim
there will always be that one target i cant hit
that one place i always miss
and if that place always exists
what is the point of trying

Now that I am older
I am nothing
Not because i dont have talent or gifts
But because I believe I am

Its funny how kids try to make themselves look older
and adults try to make themselfs look young

I have writers block
but i think that i shouldnt
because when your life is falling apart
shouldnt you feel compelled to create something better
and yet i dont
i dont feel impelled
I dont feel inspired
I feel empty
as if the world has finally taken the last parts of me
I feel nothing
and me feeling nothing
was suppose to be better than feeling something
let me tell you its not
its like sitting in a dark room
as the walls come in
and all you can do is stare at the floor
your not scared
your not frightened
you dont want to find a way out
and that scares me
why do i feel this way
i should want to change
and yet all i can do is sit here
watching the  walls close in