the hardest part of getting better

is the wieght gain

i kinda think im over it
i reread my poems and they seem preposterous
i dont understand the big deal about it
you left me
and?
im alone
so?
the need for your presence is dimineshing
i no longer need you to abuse me to feel happy
the notion is insane
so i think it's ok to say
im over it

i still miss you
your hateful words
the way you made me feel
when you told me my problems didnt matter
when you blocked me for telling you i was depressed again
blocked me for saying i cut again
but hey
i still miss your scratches
your slaps
when you dug you fingers nails so deep in my arm i could swear you
hit bone
when you emotionallt abused me
mentally manipulated me
until i thought you were holy
but i still miss you
and i will still
take you back

you killed me
so you could live
survival of the fittest
you saw i was a parasite
and kicked me to the curb
like i was some cheap *****
but i guess in someways i am
Because for years
i let you fed on me
taking my sanity
change my personality
use my depression to make you happy
let you hate me
so you could breathe
but you leave me
because i asked for understanding
in return
you couldn't give me more than a favor
but i should of known
parisites don't return
what they stole

you don't get to act like you're ******* hurting
you don't get to.pretend like somehow your a victim
like im.the abuser
like me loving you
was a crime
im sick
and tired of your moping
like you have something to complain about
like you have somone to be depressed about
you didn't lose anyone
you pushed somone away
and that is your fault
so you don't get to act like you're hurting
when all you did
was **** me
so you can live

I dont know what im feeling
I need to meditate
im so far from myself i dont know what im thinking
Im so far from myself i dont know if im missing
you?
you
are you still someone to me
or just a foreign memory
do i still want your company
what do i beleive
and
what
am I feeling

have you ever been empty?
truely empty
to the point when you could walk into traffic
and wouldnt feel the car hit you
to the point that seeing thier picture doesnt make you feel anything
when whispering their name has lost its effect
when you dont think of them
when you stopped thinking
when you cant even fake a smile
you cant even fake a laugh
when you touch your eye and there are tears
when you cant feel the sadness that comes with crying
at this point you're just leaking
over flowing the nothing that is filling you
and all because
your reason to live
got tired of you
got over you
stoped wanting you
stopped loving you
hates you
and leaves you
e  m  p  t  *y