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 Feb 2014 Rose Petal
Artemis
No matter what happens
I think I'll always wonder if I'm losing you
Even if we fast forward fifty years and you've been falling asleep in my arms
For the past forty-eight I think I'll still wonder
Its not a matter of me being insecure in myself
More just knowing how absolutely beautiful your insides look
And learning more as we go along I can't help but think
That I can't give you all the things that you deserve
Maybe no one can but that won't stop me from thinking you deserve a better life
I just need you to know that I don't have a lot going for me
You should be aware of the fact that I'm a dreamer and I might not make it
Someday down the line I hope to be able to pay my own bills with my own creations
But right now I am completely incapable of supporting myself never mind someone else
Just don't forget that you mean so much to me
And if things work out for us I want you to know that I'll try my best to keep us from drowning
I'm not going to hesitate to say that I'm scared of the future because I thought I would know more by now
I had hopes that I would be well on my way to feeling ready to settle down somewhere with someone
But the truth is I know nothing about what to do with this life I've been given
Isn't there supposed to be a time when everything clicks and it all starts to make sense
How is it possible that in the very near future I'll be sitting down with my father for a cold beer
But I still have no understanding of how the universe works
One of the last remaining comforting thoughts that I have
Is that we could learn all of this together
Maybe we could teach ourselves how to live
A life filled with satisfaction
If you want
*~W.C.
 Feb 2014 Rose Petal
Chris
At least if you don't ask,
I don't have to lie.
I've spent most of the past
few months asleep
on the bathroom floor;
sick of keeping everything in,
too tired to let it out.
"Home" is such an empty word.
I'm not sure why it felt
whole coming from your mouth.
I'm not sure
why I felt
whole.
We both know I'm just an idea
to carve into sheetrock
with swollen fists;
leaving worn out holes that
your heart never fit.
I try not to wake up,
but my body is used to
(everyone leaving)
routines.
 Feb 2014 Rose Petal
Chris
The other day my mother told me
I should be a writer.
I did not have the heart to tell her
that I am everything but a writer.
I hear too much in silences.
I think oceans are often lonely,
and trees don't always want to let go.
More than half of my books
are less than halfway finished.
Someone once told me,
"You're too young to be so old",
but I didn't notice,
I was too busy losing things
I never had.
I'm not weak,
I'm just broken.
Most days are overwhelming;
I often think of not existing.
You should try it sometime,
it's peaceful knowing you don't
mean anything to anyone.
It's a shame sadness seeps
through fingertips, otherwise
one day I might write; even though
I am everything but a writer.
 Feb 2014 Rose Petal
Chris
It’s 4:27 AM on a Thursday.
You say I have so much left to give,
even if I have no one to give it to.
I wish I had more to
[these pieces don’t fit]
even if you don’t want any of it.

It’s getting colder outside,
I just keep thinking
more about [ ]
I just keep thinking more
about you.

You were a lot of things for me,
you were an anchor in
you taught me to
but you were never mine.

There are no oceans left
in my fingertips.
Your eyes have

and that’s okay.

[nothing fits]

It’s 5:13 AM on a Thursday.
I’ve figured out how we’re different;
you’re doing okay without me.

I tried writing the other day,
but you took everything when you left.
I was never a writer anyways,
I was just in love with you.
 Feb 2014 Rose Petal
Chris
I said I’d always be honest,
but I lie right through my teeth
when I say that I’m okay.
I guess it’s kind of like
how you said you’d
always want to stay.
I am constantly on a steady diet
of “goodbyes”, “farewells”, and “let go’s”.
At least I’ll never go hungry
with everyone always leaving.
I’m tired.
My head refuses to sleep.
My hands are never steady.
I used to think scars
were things that couldn’t heal,
but now I understand
they’re just reminders
of all the love that I could feel;
even if the vacancy sign
on my bones flickers dimly.
Memories keep clogging my veins,
inconsistencies have clouded my vision.
I’ve learned that honesty is relative
when words can change their meaning.
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