I think
I'll stop playing for keeps.

Love has been a long time in throwing the ball back,
So I think
I'll just drop out of this game.

Find a new one.

Yeah.

If I approached a guy
With none of the fear
That piggybacks on attraction

Chances are I'll be bold,
And he'd love that.

But still, he wouldn't be in love.
And I'd have to do things by half.

But I hate holding back.

So I think I'll just stop playing altogether.

Little Lou,
Picks up a ***** and bucket,
Sand dusting her lips.
Small nose, freckles spreading along pudgy cheekbones,
She's a summer baby.
A lady of the sun.  

Lou!
Chases ***** with guys.
Lou has scraped knees and a ponytail up high.
Lou is twelve years old.

Loulou is a prissy thing,
Pale arms, skinny and lean.
Laughing to herself.
Hair falls in waves
Shimmering in sunlight.

Louisa, oh Louisa.
She's breaking hearts,
Her tan is from hard work.
She fetches a frisbee from a tree,
Manicured hands,
Gloves for Little Lou's tiny digits.

My thoughts are hiding under stair wells.
They like the smell of your skin
And they vibrate with every beat of your chest.
They are in close quarters with your eyes.

My thoughts are buzzing in the air about your ears.
They have a bite like mosquitoes.
The weather is hot - my thoughts bare all.
I like the taste of your mind.

My thoughts are burrowing into your brain stem
They make you shiver, And when you touch them,
Touch me, I feel paralysed.
But in a good way.

My thoughts are quiet now, but they're screaming.
They don't like the silence, but they endure.
Because the skin is whispering, love,
And it's telling stories of us.

They are cruel because 'you can take it';
In their eyes, beauty is strength.
When they go home and tell mocking tales of your conquests,
They hate that they will not wake up, this morning or next, with your face.

They are spiteful because you have all the power to be.
Although you might choose to be kind, let loyalty live.
In truth, they see in you what a child sees
Under the bed, in the wardrobe, in the eyes of a dentist.

Try telling them that, inside, you have none of your outer glittering iciness,
And they will only try to find where the venom hides,
Crunch underfoot the pearls of honesty,
And padlock your perfect cage a little harder than necessary.

But you can not let it hurt.
That would upset the balance of things.
If you show your humanity, they will show to be lacking in theirs
And the world would be turned upside down.

And for all their moaning, becoming the victim of their destruction would be your worst crime of all.

Clenched fists
Sweaty palms
Darting eyes
Too ashamed
To meet.

Bickering
On and on
Friends growing tired
Impatiently holding
Sweet breath
While we waste ours.

My sharp tongue,
Flicking,
Forked;
Devil Woman,
You called me,
I inflicted such pain.

You,
Kind, but not without barriers
Were an easy target.
We had such fun.

I
Found love
In the face of our games
But now
I am alone.

Be the best that you can be
Love forever, forget my worth,
And heal a soul, or two.

Mine is a heart that's been dropped more than once
What use is a damaged thing?
My bruises have bruises
But there's nothing you can do about that, now.

Yes, I scream out loud sometimes
When the rain buries the roof
And I drown in a bubble of air.
So I'm sorry, but nothing has changed.

But you're so far away, so don't you worry about that.

Come to Paris with me.
Let's stick to our plans.
But please, can it mean what Paris means?

Can it mean that this time
My parents will approve
And we can dance in sunlight,
And dip into the shadow of the Notre Dame,
Get married there, if they'll let us,
Because I'd like that very much.

My love, we'd be so far removed
Nobody would ever have to know
And if you'd so wish it
You'd never have to see my face again
In midnight, or alone.

And if you don't come, can't come, or simply won't,
Out of fear of the unknown
Please say I can think of you
For every second of every day,
Because Paris is calling me.
And I have to get out of this tomb.

And Paris is shining like a beacon of light
And I want to get lost in its secrets,
And I want to taste its delights,
So please, if you don't come, can't come, or simply won't,
Paris, be a boy.

Shot of golden light
Bringer of smiles
Christ, you, Sir,
Are a ******* *****.
Or is that me?
And are you a mirror?
Probably.
They hate me
They do.
And so it's me, not you.
I love you, come back?
Never leave me.
If I promise to never take my lips
From your neck,
Stay in my bloodstream for ever?
Oh this,
This is true love.
Now let's hide under the covers
And cry about the world
'Cause it's crying lies about us.

I have to ask myself
Sometimes

What's the reason for my bothering?

You don't think twice
You're never nice,
And if you are
You don't mean it.

You're distracted, you're off
In the clouds
And I'm down here
Waving to catch your attention:
But you can never see ants from planes.

But still,
I'll try

Because it makes me happy,
Makes me feel like I have a purpose.

And that purpose
Is getting you to crash land
To reality.

Impossible as that is
Without one of us getting hurt.

I don't think of you during the day
Apart from when I'm on the bus,
Journeying through a dream land to a tangible destination.

Your face fades into short sightedness
Until I stumble across old photos,
And hold them close to my face, close to my heart.

Your blue eyes are now part of a mood board of mine,
Instead of my entire outlook on life.

And I never believed what a friend the morning could be.
How well the dancing trees would listen
As I pour out all my secrets
To be absorbed, like carbon dioxide,
And be exhaled as harmless oxygen.

They whisper; give us the tales of Summer,
The Autumn with its wind and its match-making rain,
Give us that Spring you spent alone,
And we'll show you the light that grows,
Out of the Winter
That holds your soul.

And we conspire
And we laugh,
And we promise
To heal things
To grow things
And to eat,
And enjoy,
The fruits of our labour.

I see, you are the full stop.
You.
Not a semi colon;
You
Sheer things
Off
And don't give me a chance
To elaborate
To explain.
Hope.
It's the word that came
Before you.
But
Everything comes before you
Now.
Pushing daisies
Impossible flowers
Left
To rot,
I'll collect them all.
I will wrap them up and show you
Something
Good can come
Although
Budding Spring might be over.
Although that season is growing
Old
We two, still, are
Young.
You have enough
Life
In your hands,
Green fingers,
To carry our story
On.

Don't look so shocked when you hear it,
You really were not hard to beat - however hurtful that is.  

His eyes are much brighter than yours,
And they light up like glow sticks when he says hello

His arms are iron, whereas yours are cheese strings:
I feel like a kid on a climbing frame, at last

He doesn't roll his eyes when I stutter, or mumble
Self-depreciatively: he chuckles along with me

His warmth makes me believe in stars, and stories like spun gold,
Which draws me out of your tepid fog

Unlike you, Mr Sullen, he goes about his work without complaint,
And I feel like a rosy teacher's pet when he talks me through it

He has a smile which affects me like laughing gas -
And I think I'm becoming addicted.

You are now a fading moon, cratered and dull.
He is...

A rising sun, warming my blood.
And I hope he'll run forever in my veins.

Once upon a concrete fairytale
There lived, and loved, a girl
With eyes of cuts of sky
And lips of roses red.

She aimed to be kind,
And she aspired to be perfect,
And though it's what you saw
She often fell short,
Like a shot of whiskey;
This lovely, golden girl.

If she so wished,
The stars would have been her hairnet,
The midnight ink her silent gown,
And suitors the slippers that caressed her feet,
The ones she walked all over.

She was described as
Spring; as laughter in liquid form
To be drank in slowly; as ice
On the spine - so revitalizing;
Like your future,
Like everything you wanted.

But she didn't want
Any part of herself.
She found her words too sweet,
Her beliefs too strong,
She found her own life and song too stifling.

And her Prince was a long time coming.

And you watched her wither,
Eat poison apples, and wake herself up,
You watched her become still, and quiet,
With the lonely that froze her
Out of her own heart.

And so you, her jailer, with your watchful stare,
Took pity, and, releasing her,
From her self made chains,
You told her to cut her hair, to dress different,
To do anything to reanimate her mind.
You gave her the key.

And she used it.
Then she threw it out the tower,
So it could never again enslave her,
And then she jumped after it.
Chasing sweet, unparalleled freedom.

And she lived happily ever after
In the hearts and minds of men.

No puppet strings attached.

Eternity is a nice word.
Like a night that never ends,
A hug that never releases,
A love that never leaves,
A life that never fades.
Eternity is a nice word,
But it's not something that you or I
Could afford.
So don't you dare make promises
You cannot keep.

In a way I
Want to let you go.

I will build a headstone
With the salt from the tears
I've cried.

I've flowered enough blood
To give you as many bouquets as you like

You've given me plenty,
So I'd like to give some back.

Gratitude is making me teary
Or is that the knowledge of the nothing

That will follow all this muchness?

This is a weak kind of mourning.
I will never see you again.
Please, stupid girl, believe it.

Oh...

That is it.
You are gone.

Breathing, you walk out the door,

Dead to me.

For all your promises and kind words
You are not here.
I have no faith! That's a fact, and you are faithless to me;
And I believe in that like I believe the Earth is round.

Where were you last night when I wanted to hear your voice?
When I had to endure this person popping in to see you?
Sorry, didn't think anyone was in...
So pretty, this person. Poppy, her name, a scarlet flower
Like the colour of my breaking heart.

Did you tell them I was non-existent?
And do you use me as only an 'imaginary' paramour?
The truth being far too shameful to admit,
That I exist and that I love you, and that it is you who are weak
With your weaknesses for flesh, and sordid flowers.

You cry like a crying of wolves when I leave.
You talk to me sweetly about tiny things,
You give me the edges of the puzzle, and I have to imagine
The bigger picture. I'm living an imaginary life
And that is on your shoulders.

I'm lacking a soul, or so you say, and you cannot see
That it is you who is making my life soulless
Draining my colour, turning me grey.
You act as though it is me who drags you down,
But that is only life my dear, and if you wish to ascend to your heaven,
Truly, you'll find no halting hand from me.

I know they've been sung about many times before

Cursed at more times than I've breathed in oxygen

And I know they'll be here for longer than I'll be

And they'll go in their own time, winking out without flare,

But now, if they could feel the cavern gaping in my chest,

Deeper and blacker than dark matter,

If they could hear this scream, supersonic, ultrasound,

They would simply cease to exist.

I remember being me.
What's it like to be you?
Somebody asked me once, and I said it was... normal.

But in truth, it was like having this massive black hole of power in my core.

Being me:
Knowing that if I didn't smile at someone of a morning
They'd spend the rest of the day hating their brain, thinking their name was on everybody's lips
For all the wrong reasons.

Being me:
Knowing that if I wore heels and a tank top,
A girl two years younger than me would start to tweet
About wanting to diet
Not an hour after we say our goodbyes, me towering over her as I hug her loosely,
Because my ribs would hurt her otherwise.

Being me:
Knowing I have some wash of beauty on my features
Knowing my impossible curves rival Helen of Troy's
And knowing my detachment meant the end
Between me and my only honest friend.

Being me:
Never asked to do anything,
Because it was obvious I was too busy, my hands too soft.
But secretly lonely, and outside plotting plants with my father,
Because he's the best girlfriend I've ever had.

Being me:
Painting pretty pictures.
Well done darling girl.
Do you want to see my book of self portraits?
They're perfectly ugly, in black and white, and I love every one.

Being me:
Hating every girl who looks at you funny
Saying no to every other guy,
Because I'm waiting for the day you look at me funny.
Saying yes to everything you ask, because I'm stupid, and I'll play your games
Though you're not perfect.

Being me:
Saying goodbye to all my friends last May,
And not hearing from a single one of those petty people.
I think they'd had enough of pretty people.
And I think I can say the same.

I remember being me.

Being vibrant.
Being brighter than the sun.
Being much too harsh to look at.

I'm glad I'll drive your next girl insane
With my phantom kisses that
May or may not have left stains on your brain.

Because you see, as perfect as she will be,
I **** red lipstick and trilbies and kohl
And it's rare in a woman to be able to watch Top Gear
Without thinking of safety hazards, and seatbelts.

I hope she knows that however loose she wears her hair,
She'll never be as wild as me.
And as cool as she sounds,
I have a bite like a kiwi,
And I always leave an after taste that isn't strawberry and sugar.

So yeah, she's suave and calm and collected, and that is **** fine,
I'll give her that.
But I'm sarcastic.

And I call you out when you become too boring,
Like for instance,
Not making me mad at you at least once a day
For making me think about things that I would like to just blitz over
As I do with many other things
Like the people who loved us.

Because all we needed was each other.

And although she pouts,
I smirk.
She has big eyes, but mine are of lynxes.

I'm your own personal minx.

And she knows I'll always be wrapped around your neck.
And however close she gets to you
I'm always right beside you, inside you
Every breath she takes,
Every mistake in love you make.

We were innocent

Quite a while ago.

We did not know

That holding hands was draining love

That sharing hats made thoughts too personal

That raindrops melted our skin together

That our frivolous youth

Made us inseparable

And existing impossible

When we parted.

Lead me to grace
Allow me to be an angel
An angle in a line
180 degrees perfect symmetry with you

What is love?
Is it an abstract?
Black white blue?
Cheesy and tacky?
Or something sinister.

She steals my life, a lot.

She rings my mum, talks to her about stuff I said I would.

Leads that same woman past me and him

To introduce her to her flavour of the month

Though I'm in the fledgling steps of love.

She calls at my house

And sleeps in my room

She wears my clothes

And raves about me about how little I do for her

As she complains about how little she's done in life.

I've given her everything,

This friend,

And she still finds stuff to take.

I wish I could swim in your eyes.
They are the colour of
Deceptively deep lakes.

I sailed in one like them once
The waves lapped at my boat
And the water was cold
And I felt so small.

I wish I could dive down
Find sunken secrets
And lost treasures like
Rings and children's toys.

What I want more than anything
Is to find no ice
To see that you are thawed through
To not be barbed by insults
That I know will melt away
To join the rest of the lake
And drown me, too.

What I want is
For you to fish me out
And tell me it's all a waste of time
To save my breath
Or lose it.

You sit at a piano
We're outside and we're cold.

We're talking about second chances
Now we're apart, now we're old.

I feel your shoulders. You got more toned.
In contrast to anorexia, my fingers have gotten fat.

I miss you, you miss me,
I leave. Almost.

And then you say, you still have to work on things,
The way you talk, what you think, and what you want.

And I am proud of myself for getting angry
For throwing your pride and prejudice right back at you.

I say that you're not perfect either
Your voice, your touch, and your respect for me:

I've had better. But I still want you.
And I know it. And I'm glad you know it now.

Once I was so shy
I
Wore a groove
In my tooth
From eating my hair

And my words.

Once
I stood still so long
I grew tall,
Pulled by gravity that dragged my head along

Far and far away from the ground.

If that makes sense.

Once, I ****** on Jelly beans.
Then,
I chewed on your thoughts
And spat them out
Mangled up

Oddly, kind of improved.

Once, evolution visited me
And like a baby chimp
I grew a broader skull
And thicker skin
And I filled my flesh

Pushing out all air and dust within.

Find me in the recesses of your mind
Dust me off and let me shine
I want to breathe
I want to breed
Create little seeds of love in your heart.
I'm not loveless, I never was
I felt each barb deep in my flesh
Like each barb deep in my flesh.
It hurt when you called me cold
And alone
Because I was
Because it's what you thought
Confident in what you knew
Of a person whom was only ever in love with you.

She fits him like a glove, and
He will keep her warm, and
He’s burning her up, as
She turns to ice.
He’s a drug, and
She’s feverous, and
Nobody else can see it as
She dies.
He’s her poison, and
He’s only hurting her, he is
Built like a vaccine and he’s the bad one
In a batch of a million,
Killing her softly. She will go
In her sleep
In his arms, and
She will count herself lucky, because
She knows that he will cry
Because he cares, and they were made
For each other.
The killer, and
The lover.

Fold your hand into mine
And let me see your eyes.

I don't want to look.

In my past, there is a man
Who would have loved this kind of joy.

I don't want to know you.

Allow me to join you as you cry,
I know what it is to lose something cocoon safe, crimson love.

I don't want to feel a thing.

I want to see you smile now,
I want to know you can.

I don't want you to be unhappy.

I was happy once, but I was a fool
And now I foolishly thought I could be happy, with a compromise.

I don't want to realise that you are a disappointment.

Please, please, my steady love, come back and see that I've grown up!
I can do this now! So please, please come do this with me?

I do not love one half of her; I do not love her father.

I know what I am
And despite what's in the mirror,
It isn't pretty.

I'm obsessive, I am compulsive,
If I hit one hand, I hit the other,
I dance through life symmetrically.

I call your heart to mine because
Everything works in twos
And when I realise that
You were only ever a part of my pattern,
That I didn't actually care for you at all,
I'll drop you, but I'll keep your heart.

Because I'd be lonely without it.

It's twisted, yes, I'll admit it.
I need the love of many to keep me content,
I like having different partners to turn to
To be beckoned to,
So that way if I lose a playing piece,
I'll always have one spare.

Cracking up, like an iceberg,
And just as cold
I lose shards of myself
Into this black abyss that is my mind.
Whole pieces of me fall,
Unwanted.
I am lost.
I become nothing, water streaming and not stopping
Sections of my entirety
Lost.
I drift these unhappy miles
Searching, searching
For a wisp of myself and my original soul,
But I am lost.
Unseen beneath these slick waves
I distance me from all my other atoms
Forgetting
With all my power and all my malice
I could have crushed you first.

Blood drips daily.

I say I feel nothing
Don't want to draw attention
From those who suffer openly.

I am strong, but I am weak,
And I can't admit defeat.
Not to you, whose face is so **** smug,
All the time.

Let me be the bite that tears your flesh
And let me cry acidic love,
It will cauterise me, eventually.

I'm coming for you.
We have many years left to live,
You and I.

Unless you end it now.
Coward.

My fingers dig in to the light and shade
Grip to his shoulders and tighten on his neck.
The friction ignites us,
We're flint,
And we're sparking.
I've been blinded,
Blindsided,
So often by this
This thing we have.
Us;
We lost it before
And now I have you back
I will burn up every little part of you
So that when you're done with me
And I'm through with you
You will be nothing, and cold, and empty
And needing me,
Depending on the life I stole from this friction.

It drips by, life.
Steady and constant and I cannot escape.
It's rusty and murky
and leaves behind lime scale
And I scrape and I scrape
But nothing is ever clean.
I have my good moments,
When light hits the surface just right
And I catch my reflection
And I forget what's beneath.
But it's always there, waiting.
And if it could freeze, like ice,
I would just walk over it
And pick myself up whenever I'd slip,
But it won't, and I'm drowning
And the water tastes foul
And the air is no better
So I just want to sink
And sink
And see if I can find my feet again.

How I imagine you to be
Is the end of the world
Too terrible of a promise to believe.
I know
You will be a splash of ink on snow
Sizzling like the rain on a summer's stone
And the antithesis of me.
I fear
That I will fear you
As a fish might fear a drought
As a bird may loathe the lightening:
My curse is you.
You, who's love will strike me down.

How can you tell
Heaven from Hell
When it's an Angel leading you  
To the precipice?
When you've sold your soul
For wings to fly
And you seem to have a halo,
Are you an saint
Or are you a sinner,
And is your crown
Just a trick of the light?