****
****
****
****
****
****
FUCKKKK
I can't I really can't.
I'm trying my best but I just can't.
Why can't I?
What is wrong with me?
It's been two years.
Why are you still the most perfect thing I've ever laid my eyes on?
Why do I still want you in every way possible?
You are my suicidal tendency, the one I always seem to fall into and that brings me chaos.
That brings me closer to insanity.
It brings me to wanting to end my life when I just want to be brought closer to you.

She breathes as I hold mine.
Will she say something?
Is today the day?
Will I finally hear her words, her finely tuned sound waves come to me?
She passes, but I don't want to let go of my breath I want to keep it hold it tight and never let go like a metaphor for the love I had- have for  her until it kills me just like she did.

I love you.
I am deeply, fondly, head over heels in love with you.
In other words, *******.
******* for holding my heart, holding it gently then clenching it in your fist till it stopped beating.
******* for making me think there was water in a desert
******* for deserting me in land without you.
You came to me like a bird and I treated you with care
But you left like a hawk and your talons ripped away at the flesh you clenched as you left without warning.
******* for existing and ******* for making me want to stop existing.
But most of all **** me for staying by you even now like a dog waiting for a treat.
I hate that I love you but I hate more that you don't love me
Or like me
Or care for me.
So ******* and **** me
I love you.