you are birdsong
you are moonlight
you are white snow
you are rippling cornstalks
you are rolling hills
you are the sun setting behind the mountains
you are morning air, and dew
you are a ripple in a quiet lake
you are refracted light in a flowing stream
you are a bed of lilacs warmed by the sun

you are beauty
beauty is you

O, to live in the absence of time
when days are not days, but moments
always begun, never at end
unplanned, uncharted
and remembered

So you decided to rip my emotions out,
so you decided to stab my back,
so you decided to poke holes in my lungs,
so you decided to shoot me down,
so you decided to put me in my place,
so you decided to be my ruler,
so you decided to be my mind;

So, you decided to go insane?

You cannot 'choose' a cat,
it must be the other way around.
Why else would they scratch and hiss;
They simply don't want to be there,
even if you'd really like them to.
My dearest friend was almost evicted,
for she didn't get along with my family,
didn't care for her mother or siblings,
but we let her stay,
for she chose me.
She'll curl into my lap, so trusting,
purr with content when I'm around;
No, it's not my fault she's unkind to most people,
there aren't a lot of people I like either,
cats simply choose who they like and stick with them,
nobody can change that,
or even hope to know that,
until they are chosen themselves.
If they are never, well,
then they weren't meant to own a cat anyway!

As the spiders weave their threads of doubt,
a shining blade comes to my rescue,
though also to my demise.

Whispers are conjured by the darkness;
They don’t love you, a slash confirms,
they don’t care, a slash accepts,
****** marks covering skin like a torn blanket.

Voices are echoing the past;
You deserve to die, a slash reminds,
you deserve to suffer, a slash insists,
spikes of pain traveling up veins.

Screams are pressuring the mind;
You’re a worthless thing, a slash states,
you’re so pathetic, a slash declares,
words etching in permanently.

Hollowness fills the heart;
You need to feel this pain,
you need to drown in it all;
Until you finally give up on yourself.

The raindrops fall from the sky,
creating comforting repetitive noise,
drips, drops, pattering around,
surrounding me with a soft blanket.

It seems they are all I can hope for,
the only friends I have in this world,
in my dark, grey world,
where nothing exists except the thoughts in my mind,
along with the water;
surrounding me, drowning me, escaping me.

Coldness clings to my body like a sheet,
not helping my usual temperature's apathy,
but within reminding me of feeling,
I grow not to mind it at all.

It is all I can expect anymore,
the lingering cold, the lingering whispers of noise,
the lingering loneliness it reminds me of,
in my dark, grey world where nothing exists,
not sunshine, nor happiness, nor myself;
just the rain and its comforting embrace.

There was a young girl sitting alone,
casually sipping her tea, such a pretty scene,
a razor on her thigh, waiting for a smooth victim,
a bottle of pills on the counter, waiting to be emptied,
a gun on the bed, waiting for sweet release.

Should she give in, which poison should she pick?
Let the pretty tablets fall on her tongue,
have her blood splatter the walls, the ceiling, the floors,
or let her die piece by piece, slice by slice on her wrist?

They tell her she’s beautiful, but it’s all for naught,
she believes they’re lies, all of it, lies,
blinded by the darkness of her mind’s illness.
They tell her they care, but it matters not,
she knows it’s all lies, false information,
deafened by the screaming of her mind’s demons.

They tell her she can talk to them, but she cannot,
her cries don’t escape, her struggles never heard,
silenced by the stitches of her mind’s distrust and paranoia.

That terrible moment when
You wake up from your wonderful dream
And you realise
That none of it was true
And that you never got back together
With the person you've lost
And that you never will.

And you're just sat there on your bed
Feeling like somebody stole you something
But nobody did,
It's just that you've realised
The horrible reality of things ;
It's just that you've lost
All your hopes at once ;
It's just that you've grown up
A little bit too fast.

But don't worry, it's fine
To feel depressed because
You're not a child anymore.

I sit there, my headphones in, volume up
And you dare tell me to turn it down
What you don't understand is that I need this
I need the volume so high that the screaming tangle of my brain is quieted down to a soft hum
So I'm not surrounded by an everlasting chorus of, "You're worthless."
So I'm not completely encompassed by these depressing thoughts
So I'm not breaking down when the cloud gets too heavy
So raindrops do not race down a pale-peach canvas

Reveling in my lips parting to mouth the lyrics written,
Written for somebody else yet they ring with my very soul
Written for everybody else yet they hear nothing
Except the turn of another page, another day, monotonous
An assembly line of nothingness
It's been broken for a while
It's been loaded down with disappointment for a while
You've failed again.
You've failed.
Again.

How dare you tell me to turn the volume down?

there is paint
it peels from my eyes
in long gaseous ribbons
it is punctuated by
a bright blindness
where methodologies
reach no conclusions
paint peels from my ears
in uncontested echoes
projecting a self
generated audible universe
paint peels from my mouth
in black storms
of expanded consciousness
leaving behind a particulated
paralized partition
that leaves me disconnected
in a correspondence of color
A field of snow
turning blue under moonlight
in accord with the peeling of paint
like a light emitted by relative thought
paint peels, paint peels, paint peels