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robin Apr 2016
you're a crack your head open addict
humpy dumpy
gone bulimic
you're a sunny side up
egg
with a not too sunny side
you're the
chicken in the
hen
who
wasn't meant to be
still born
and malfigured
you're a reject
the feeling in
someone else's stomach
that doesn't agree with them
you're the kid in the corner
who got the laughs
for being different
the one
who was always good at
telling stories
&
pretending
to fill his fathers shoes
but never really got the chance
you are the flimsy inner cell membrane
of an intricate facade
a
mere
shell
trying to be whole again.
robin Sep 2020
trying to figure out precisely where, on the road map that is your face
home is,
is harder then you think
when you are a gypsy soul
and my feet are rooted in concrete.
all i need is some sweet sustenance to fall right back in
your arms
sugar coated words filling up my head with what ifs and what could be's, humoring me. logic sweetly dripping down from my brain into my salivary glands like fresh wildflower honey..
after all isn't that love?
reckless abandon  
i find myself in a scurry as i plaster my brain in yellow post it notes of the nice things you've said to try to remind myself that it will be okay, the sun will still shine tomorrow
but then a hurricane comes and all those post it notes get swept away and i am left wind chapped,
breathless battered and bruised. 


you
are
this
hurricane
.


         and
every time you come home to me, my love
i don't know which version of you will walk through that door
my skeleton reaches out through my skin to embrace you
but my heart hides deep within my chest and painfully pangs against my rib cage as words fall off your tongue
you are an inconsistency
like the ever changing tide
rolling, thrashing
then somehow still and peaceful.
i often lay awake at night feeling the aftermath of the waves and wondering how you can be both things at once
but neither entirely.
robin Feb 2016
it's cold out here
and i'm standing outside of a window
looking in on all of you
the ones who i love so much
and this is what my whole life is like really
watching life go on through a slab of glass
and you
over
there
the one with eyes as blue as mine
can you see me?
do you see the boulders on my shoulders
do you know what it's like, really?
there is snow surrounding my ankles
out here
and i'm walking farther from the window
and growing colder by the day
if you feel the same way i do please say so
now
lord knows
if you wait too long you may miss your chance to save me.
robin Dec 2015
my brain told me not too eat the grain mamas been out picking
it said i should sit inside and watch the telly again
but i did that last week and everyday
in-between
and there's
funny jokes on tv
that aren't really funny at all
but
shhhhh
im not supposed to laugh
mama forbids it
and
her and daddy use to beat me until it was ingrained in my brain
i still won't eat the bread though

hahahahah

sunset hills
is where they lay me to rest
still can't find peace
in the most beautiful places
pack away my bones
on the shelf
i do every now and again
please
tell me to sit still
like the knick knacks
please
tell me to stick my toungue out to catch the dust
and i will listen because that's what mama said
and her voice
that's the farthest i've ever traveled
that's all ive ever known

i run around with the farm boys
at dusk
mama says to be back before the gypsys come out
to take me
my brain listens
my head nods
but my heart tetters on the edge of a cliff
i still continue to chase them around the train tracks
over and over again
an endless cycle of never being able to be happy.
I've noticed I tend to occupy myself with people and things to the point of me not being able to be happy with myself and who I am

No more of that.
robin Jun 2023
beautiful
she says as she softly exhales, taking it all in
a soft smile pursed on her lips
eyes trembling with tears that aren’t allowed to fall
she stares longingly into the distance dreaming dreams of what lies beyond the trees
only closing her eyes to breathe for a moment,
eyelashes brushing against her cheeks
she inhales
breathing in bird songs, mountain sunsets and rushing streams of summer
the trees around her are fragrant and
fill her lungs up with the scent of evergreen perfume as it lingers near her nose
alone
she finally lets the tears fall
knowing she is among friendly faces and without judgement hiding amongst the trees
in their gentle embrace
the wind hugs her softly like an old friend, as it sweeps through the woods
quietly
she lets herself fall apart,
but only for a moment.

she can feel the pine needles poking at her bare feet
but still sits quietly rooted in place
her hands are soil stained and *****
she is tired and desperately in need of rest
but it’s not the type of rest you can lay down and recover from it’s the type you can’t put into words

hush my child
collect yourself,

she breathes out
all of the anger she has clutched onto so tightly like rope for years and stuffed inside her tiny diaphragm, her ribs opening up like a creaky iron gate to unleash it
this is where she also keeps her strength
tucked away, behind the pain.
she is nothing if not resilient

hush, young girl who carries too much on her shoulders
quiet your mind
and
let the pain seep out of your skin and into the ground and grow flowers around your feet

turn it into something beautiful.

relinquish yourself to this moment as you sit
underneath the trees and mountains set before you, and know that you will climb them all
another day.
robin May 2017
the waters cold
the tips of my toes tell my brain
but today i am sad
and the sun is shining
so i show rationality the shore
and walk on the wild side with the waves
high tide sweeps me off my feet and onto my throne of seaweed
it draws me closer
deeper
sings me sweet songs of forever
as it opens up its blue mouth big and wide
i swim closer
through sharp rocks and wrecks and calloused coral
eyes wide
eardrums dancing to the hypnotizing music
i am neck deep in salt water now
open cuts litter my arms and legs
i ignore the sting of reality
nipping at my toes
like colorful reef fish
i open my arms wide to embrace the cold fully
and i no longer feel the chill
i have grown use to
it
i have grown tired
the sun is playing hide and seek now behind the clouds
it's color a dull yellow
like a blinking light bulb
slowly dying
the water around me is a dark red
the world around me growing dimmer
my eyes flutter close as i lose consciousness
i dream of the sun returning to kiss my skin with the same intensity of before
the cold keeps me company, cooing in my ear that everything will be alright. cradling my body like a mother would a child.
sharks circle below
a hungry frenzy
of teeth and scales
the shark creeps closer
it sinks its teeth into your calf but its numb from the cold so
you don't feel it at first
then
without warning
you're pulled under and completely submerged in coppery tasting salt water
it stings your nose and eyes
and all the gashes on your arms and legs
you reach your hand out
ask the cold for forgiveness
for assistance out of this mess that it's baited you into
but the cold laughs in your face
tells you, you were a fool for falling for it's manufactured kindness, it's imitation of warmth  
then the bite really hits you
that's when you feel the pain
it's a defective, decrepitude creature  
it doesn't understand.
it swims in these waters everyday it is use to the cold
and you are a stranger only knowing of the sun

**you must learn to swim
or
you must forgive yourself.
robin Feb 2018
It’s safe to say I wasn’t the problem
Of every predicament you got yourself into.
you’re still pointing fingers at everyone else besides yourself
and me I’ve started a family.
I’ve started over.
I still write to you sometimes though
With titles such as dear first love
how foolish was I
how silly we were
we can chalk it all up to a big misunderstanding
I mistook love for anger
your fists were my kisses.
and
you mistook me
for someone weak in the knees
the play doh you could mold in your hands to make me the way you wanted me
I was young, and I was foolish but that is all I was.
I know now that you were wrong
All those things you said about me.
I know now that you never really knew me. Your words have lost there sting.
people looked on, like they always do
it was not nearly what others made it out to be
but
I suppose no one will understand but us
it will die
the memories
and over the ashes I will continue to make anew.
To be improved.
robin Jun 2018
men
of many
armies
gather at your toes like fallen leaves
whispers
autumn breeze
tickles the nape of your neck
you giggle
like a frightened child
if only it were so easy
to scratch me right off your back
like a scab
you’re peeling away but needing to keep in place.
robin Mar 2018
you you are a man made of metal
me I am a
carpenter ant
you look at me in disgust
As if I am something less then natural
try to rub my guts into your creaky wood floors
with your muddy combat boots
why do I deserve life any less then you do?
self righteous man, not everything’s about you
not everyone’s made to serve you
we are not ants under your magnified flame
running to your every whim in every direction
we are your children, your mothers, your lovers, your wives
we are the earnest ones, the tender ones that you cover in bruises and black eyes
we are the ones who love you so deeply that we cry when you abuse and neglect us and then go **** your secretary because now that we’ve pushed out two of your kids we’re not “attractive” to you anymore  
why? Cause you can.
cause your a man
and your a Great Dane in a dog eat dog world
let me throw you a bone
while I take it
up the *** in my mouth every place you could imagine
and then you will buckle your pants with a smirk and get in your car
And drive to wherever you call home
because now that your satisfied that’s all that matters
doesn’t matter if you took from someone else
strip away your big boy talk tho and
your just a trembling little chihuahua

out in the rain
just a pup with a bark bigger then your bite
in a world full of empty dog food cans
robin Apr 2019
a single flower wilts
slowly coming to an end like a battery powered toy losing juice
i thought we were the next big thing
scribbles of our names under the bleachers
but
i hate myself
im sorry i know that messes everything up
i hate myself and it makes me hate you.
how do i fix that?
robin Mar 2019
the rain
is warm and soft
like a barefooted lover
drenched in rainbow pastels
we run through the grass
hand in hand and collapse in a bed of wildflowers.
giggling
like
children
with no care in the world
feelings flutter in our chest
and past our teeth
into a world filled with birds singing in the morning
we are fearless
Stupid and determined
That we will make something beautiful
only in a dream
robin Feb 2016
i'm sorry i'm not sorry
my well has run dry
i would sell you a sachet of tears if i had any left
i can't cry
cant feel your pain or the things i do
im just so numb to it all
just so numb to
the cigarettes i burn into our seven layered skins
and i feel so hopeless
more then i ever have before
i've become everything i never said i would be
and you would be disappointed if you ever really looked at me
i am
a bottomless pit of self loathing
i am a
starved child
shackled in chains
i will destroy every toy you let me borrow
i will hurt every kid who comes to play
i will spit on every puppy
and ruin every family who ever tries to love me
because this is what i am
and i can't help myself
and
i don't blame you for leaving
i don't even blame my own heart for shriveling up in my ribcage
but
tonight
i have
stepped out of my snakeskin
i am something new
something worse then before
and i am so cold
tonight
and i am so sad
today
my lips turn blue when i laugh
or when i cry tears of madness of happiness?
i can't tell it's all a blur
and
its time for me to go to sleep
(how can i sleep at night?)
and it's time for me to go to sleep.
robin Aug 2016
theres blood on the wall
theres blood on them all
they just don't see it
like
you
do
.
robin Jun 2019
my anger will not stop me from being a good person
everyday I wake up with a full heart and a list of good expectations
I don't know how often I have to stress this, but people grow.
you will not be the same person you were yesterday, tomorrow, or the same person you were last week, and its okay if not everyone understands that.
those people who knew you, once knew you but you are not defined by your mistakes or shortcomings
your objective on this planet is to grow, become a better person who makes better choices and not everyone will see that or choose to make better choices for themselves but it is your and only your responsibility to not lose sight of your purpose.
Be kind to others, we are all on a journey that no one knows anything about, no one of us is better then the other.
Fragility is not a weakness it is a different kind of strength
Knowing that things in life will and do hurt and embracing it at a healthy distance is a very real part of growth and acceptance of your small role in this world, compared to the greater scheme of things. I tire of our societies definition of strength and everyone's apathy towards people who are struggling. Working a nine to five like a robot does not make you strong, enduring the pain of life and letting it change or emotionallymcripple you will not make you the strongest person in the room either. It's the stuff no one ever talks about, If you want to know real strength not the kind everyone pretends they know everything about try Embracing your natural sensitive and empathic nature you will learn it is not a crutch like everyone wants you to beileve it is a different kind of awareness of the world it helps you challenge yourself and only in turn grow stronger.  
We are inherently sensitive to our surroundings, and when we are watered with happiness and sensitivity
We blossom into something beautiful.
help other people become better humans so we can leave a better world for our children
robin Nov 2016
just a child hidden in the tall grass
trying to grow tall enough to leave the safety of
my mothers den
i am young and dumb and all of those stupid things
but i want to be brave
just like you
show me how to breathe without your lungs
breathing for me
help me learn how to stand tall, on my own two feet
teach me how to grow in all the places they
*never thought i could.
don't abandon ship
robin Jan 2016
shes a wolf.
a real cool-gal.
the kind that shotguns beer
and fixes cars
and shoots guns off of rooftops.
yeah,
a real gum-off-the-wall-steal
kiss me
before
my teeth fall out
yeah,
tell me im worth-less than this
use me
and ill use you
till we're used up and use to it
yeah,
we're
true garbage kids
fogging up strangers car windows.
just children
huddled so close
in a world full of landfills.
except
i am still trying to get away from you.

    tell me..
why do we stay the same?
why don't we cry like the other kids that are left behind?
why do i continue to
live with the stowaways stitched to the bottom of your pockets?
take me somewhere new.
robin Oct 2018
Fingers
three at a time
Tears rolling down cheeks
like car windows
Hands around your throat kisses
Choking out I love you’s
each time
Shaking legs
Shaky breath
the taste of lemon liquor on your tongue
you
on top of me
me
screaming into piles of pillows
that never listen
.
robin Nov 2016
i've rationalized every rational explanation
told myself every side to every story i didn't want to hear
you see i've made myself immune
i've conditioned myself to the human condition
madness is a malevolent concept
but if you embrace it, it holds no ill power
this sickness i stole with ***** fingertips
this sickness is me
it rocks my world
but don't ever love a sick child
a sick child like me
its an empty love, like a ghost
someone who's hardly there
in the head
hanging on by a thinning thread
while pretending they have it all together
it's the human condition
the lies that drip from the roof of your mouth and form pools of saliva at the tip of your tongue
and im
looking for a sour truth to digest
something to wake up my senses
from this self preservation indoctrination
accepting the truth as fleeting as it may be
this sickness it controls me
has the wheel, it throws me
it's a certain uncertainty
a
deathtrap
an endless maze inside a maze
im a rotting cage
and i play sick games with myself
i like the feeling of not feeling a little too much
lifes a tetter totter
and your
getting thrown back and forth into extremes
and you are not a silly coping mechanism
you are not a doctors hand sanitizer hand outstretched with a pill
you are something malleable
you are something i could destroy
but i don't want to break you down into nothing
you see that isn't my intention here
please believe me
ive just hurt myself so much
im unsure ill be able to tell the difference.
I was almost convinced I felt something
robin Sep 2019
I think part of me has excepted that I will be alone for awhile
And it's a heavy feeling
An isolating one, but I know somewhere deep down inside my damaged heart that I deserve happiness and I'm not finding it here
I don't feel love anymore
Just distance
Resistance like a rubber band
You pull it back far enough and it just hurts you in the end
.
Empty
robin Feb 2016
i
am
a snake
now
like you
i hatched from an egg
and crawled the ground for years
but never grew any legs to stand on
really
cold-blooded
me and you
baby we we're both so cold
all the time
but we had our moments in the sun
remember
and hey
it was pretty ******
but you don't see me pretending
that things are the same
with some other bleached blonde trailer trash wannabe
and i haven't called
because i figured you wouldn't care if i was dead
or not
but hey im not dead
isn't that good to know
im still very much alive
my chest falls every now and again
and
my heart is still beating
i think?
robin Jul 2024
you are bubbles of forgotten laughter in my
chest, a dormant volcano’s eruption on my skin, a warm summer breeze at the nape of my neck. that tickling feeling.
where you touch, wildflowers grow
while sparks alight.

you make me feel alive.
your arms, a home big enough I can take shelter in

if I am your match,
then you are the wildfire spreading inch by inch underneath my skin.

burn with me.

I am ignited at the thought of you.
lava pools at my toes
as you slowly engulf me,
for if I am to be burned
then do it slowly.
so we may hold hands as we walk through the fire.
for you.
robin May 2016
suffocate it with cellophane.
don't let it breathe
or it will breed and monopolize all of your cells
function
like a functional organism
because you have to
and
there is no other choice
never use question marks
because you're always certain
and your high school diploma and college degree
reinforce that
****
random people
at random moments
in
back way alleys
get so drunk
you can't feel your legs
with
people who are supposed to be your friends but don't quite live up to it
smile
big
and bright
and
laugh like a
fool
at the people who
think they
really get it
live inside the four walls of your head
because
that's the only place that's
really safe
and never tell anyone anything important
sleep with your secrets
and live constantly in danger
never settle down
or absorb any type of love or attachment
through your pores
become
a sponge
to the world
who
soaks
up
more then just a complitation of ****** situations
be disconnected
but not discontinued
be what your father always pushed you to be
be what the world has pushed you to be.
something different.
learn to
run
faster
then you thought you ever could
until your bare feet
are bleeding from all the thorns
and your legs are screaming for you to stop
forget
the beating in your chest
forever

walk away from the reflection in the pool.
robin Sep 2017
i think maybe
its because i care too much
wear my heart on my sleeve
casted over in sheet metal
maybe ive just foolishly lead myself in a circle
like a dog chasing its tail
until it gets tired and falls over in a heap of confused exhaustion
i go out of my way, take time out of my day
for the wants and needs of others
and im left constantly looking for some sort of reciprocation
some sort of gratitude to make me feel accomplished with what ive done, who i am
i live on "hey thank you's" and "you did a good job" like paycheck to paycheck
only my wallet grows thinner and so does my patience as time ticks on
right now
im sitting here with my head in my hands wondering how ive lost so much to the hands of weak people with weak minds stealing my time and sanity that ive so blindly offered
i gave each and every one of them my heart when i saw they didn't have enough of their own  
opened up every doorway for them that i had closed for myself
i don't blame them though, ive always tried to never point fingers
how can i blame human nature? we are biologically designed to be selfish but for some emotionally based logical reason in my head
life is different
and the people are nice and always warm even if they are cold  
and the sun shines bright and children laugh and we don't smoke cigarettes.
im a woman of science, but  
ive always liked magic even as a kid
i was fascinated by
optical illusions and i fall for the same trick of the hand every time
because im almost nineteen and still stuck dwelling on what ifs
just a fly caught in a web trying to squiggle my way out of this mess i brought upon myself
i don't understand
give me enough time and i will though
kinda slow, i work at my own pace
but stamina wins the race
in the end
maybe,
i can crack it down to a science
if i have enough time
but i never have enough time
time beats in my chest and rots away like ash
my lungs are like molded swiss cheese
and oxygen whistles throughout the empty spaces between each of my ribs
as my lungs try there very best to oxygenate themselves
while im coughing down cigarette after cigarette
im trying to look inward
but all i see is the outward world of the faces of the people i love
and self destructive things to occupy my time with
maybe its time to stop making excuses
maybe its time to stop running
inner strength is so much more then the ability to handle ****** situations
its about finding a place in yourself where you feel at home in your own skin
its a constant journey of self discovery
robin Mar 2016
kiss me
like the fire burning in the back of my eye sockets
the hate building up like bubbles in my brain
hitting against the top of my skull
wanting you to
just
crack me open
and let
things surface
like
a little girls
heaving
chest
full of girly sweet nothings,
gumballs and skipping stones
suddenly empty,
just another
head bobbing against the
cement at the bottom of the
pool.
robin Jun 2018
i imagine you’ll smell like chamomile
and fall asleep on my chest
I imagine it will be cold
outside
the stars looking in at us
I imagine your little toes
curling in excitement
The coos forming from under your breath
I imagine being happy
laughing like a frightened child for the first time since I was five
I imagine the world being a better place with you in it
full of life and love
so much so that parents don’t need to bubble wrap their children before taking them to school anymore
I imagine a life painted in happiness and adventure for you
I imagine you’re favorite color
your favorite books I’ll read you, you’re favorite song to sing
And on this cold night
snuggled in between my *******
your little body will be my warmth
and I yours
and we will hold each other for the rest of the night,
until the morning comes.
                  
    and when the sunrise creeps in through the curtains
I will hold you for the rest of my life.
robin Mar 2018
Ready set go
You stall
Your legs sink into hardwood floor quicksand
Burning firewood and pictures
from a past life
Trying to forget
My heads swimming in alcohol
My lips are cracked
dry
like the Grand Canyon
Hands up
to your head
your surrendering to your subconscious
conscious now
but barely able to peddle through my thoughts
Which way? This way
That way or his way?
Am I breathing
Am I dreaming
Is this life
Does it get any better then this
it’s wicked hot
muggy in my jersey wool sweater
I think I’ll sit down for a while
maybe do some summer saults in the grass
Look at things upside down for a while
maybe look at the blue sky and convince myself it’s  green for awhile
Just until the sun sets
Just until the morning comes
Just until the truth becomes a little bit easier to accept
robin Apr 2019
Petals break apart
as the peach fuzz erupts
The blood spills out the sides
Like an over poured soda
You shake it up
and it
                         explodes.
robin Jul 2017
six month silhouettes
living, breathing store mannequins
young & dumb
hands intertwined
barely visible through the morning light. iridescent.  
it's ninety degrees but its been raining
ever since February
and we just now addressed
the cloud hanging above your head.
darling take a moment to listen,
i wrote a book
for you.
it talks about conquering fears
i thought if i read it to you every night you'd no longer be afraid.
but you still wake up in the middle of the night screaming
and you have every night since  
so I left the book out in the rain
and I left my disappointment chained to the front porch like a dumb old dog
figured there was no point
in letting him sleep in the bed tonight
sadness already sleeps at the bottom of the bed and hogs all of the covers
and there's is no waking up from this
at least I don't think
because i've tried more then once to help you but
you tell me its time to go
tell me its all my fault
and i'm trying to keep it all together
but i am just a soggy book
left out on a overcast february morning
fingertips stained in ink
im caressing your cold cheekbones
trying to wake you up
from this perpetual nightmare that is your life
hey. i love you. has anyone ever told you that.
did you forget me so soon?
the ink is
running all over the page
in messy
zigzags
like a frivolous dancer
tripping over her own limbs
dew drops form on the spine of the book
drip
d
r
   i
p
dripping
in un-dimensional direction
like the leaky faucet
in room 47
at 2am
you drive me off the wall
with your soft mouth talk
i cant stop thinking
about ways to show you that there's more out there then this pain that feeds under your skin
and festers like an open wound
just tell me where to touch to make it all better.
robin Mar 2016
you had an
umbrella face.
always tried to shield me
from the sun
overtime it caught up
with me
     though
made me
  turn pale like
a ghost
like a child's silhouette in a fading fog
like a distant memory creeping
up behind you.
robin Nov 2016
its a push and a pull
a ricochet in the steady pool of time
an equal balance
demons run around
on their hands and knees
and angels dance in the clouds
and laugh at all of us
and the truth
its a distant memory
only the gods know.
only the stars can tell you.
but here in present tense, evil runs amuck
faces of
humans but not human entirely
they are of a plastic substance
silicone mimicking skin
they smile
with smiles so bright they can light cities but all they do is burn them down
they wreak irrevocable havoc
on the lost souls
the governments pawns
the ignorant children who live in the limbo of
unconscious consciousness
because it is a balance
you see,
your emotions blind you
and once you accept the human condition  for what it is you are free from your shackles
you see this realm of existence is bitter
the truth is bittersweet, hard to find and never satisfying for long
it stings your ears because its not what you want to hear
but it is what it is
and it is a game that you are programmed to lose,
a state of consciousness, awareness and acceptance.
it's all on a measure of what you can tolerate
and what your psyche determines is too much for you to handle.
cognitive dissonance so to speak.
if you let nothing affect you nothing ever will
good people
die
bad people thrive
and sometimes all you know to be true gets turned upside down
because it is a balance
a scale
never tilting too far to one side
before the universe resets it
there are casualties but they are a casual thing.
your life is how you choose to see the world, however jaded it may be
this place can be wonderful while simultaneously frightening at every turn in the road
but ultimately it is all a façade, an image of what you want it to be
this modern world is but a mere distraction, holding up mirrors to our many faces, telling us to strive for unattainable perfections to keep us from asking ourselves the real questions
to keep us entangled in its corporate web of cell phones and lies and miles away from finding out the truth until its too late
and we're too old to do anything about it
we watch and we wait
like children in an amusement park
anxiously awaiting our turn
biting our nails nervously
watching as the world around us falls into place
following our mind maps, our inner compass
awaiting the chemicals in our brains to determine where to go next
we are afraid
unescapably afraid
but we have our
feet at the edge of our seats, you see.
screaming with loud triumphant voices
incoherent words
echoing off empty walls. except no one hears you.
because ultimately you are alone, for now and forever
in the four walls of your head, it is safety, it is a maze, it is where you retreat at night back into yourself, you are your only solace
no one knows you as well as you know yourself and if you don't know yourself you don't know anything
this life is what you make it, to do evil or to do good
in the end
none of it matters except for what were doing in this very moment
the sun blows up
we all die
little bits of human confetti
floating in the great expanse of the universe
and everything we have ever done will be blown away and obliterated.
we are intelligent animals, with beautiful brains and plumage but we are only animals
sophisticated as we may be
and
to the government we are less then that
our lives are estimated to be worth only five million dollars
we are cardboard cut outs to the higher ups, mere window displays, it is a type of politically correct anarchy.
if you look at life through a logical lense, and keep your word small
you begin to understand
compared to the bigger spectrum of things we are minuscule, yes, your feelings, your memories, your deepest desires.
meaningless.
but in this very fleeting moment
they
mean
absolutely
everything.
ying and yang
robin Dec 2015
i could leave.
right now.
go to the
south
change my name
and pack my bags and forget
all of this ever happened
like i want too
so badly.

i
am
ready to go.

whatever it takes.  
    
this isn't the life i want to live
not here. not with you.
i don't want to waste a second longer as i grow a second older.

i'm a tumbleweed by nature
never calling one place
home
too long
i've known this since i was fourteen and felt like the deserts of california understood me
when i told the mountain tops
about the live i've lived and they laughed along with
me.
and my suitcases are packed
and at the door
waiting
for me
patiently.
like a dog on a leash.
but
my heart is a cinder block stuck to the floor of this house
the question is
should i leave without it?
robin Jan 2016
its all the noise.
too many vibrations in
my eardrums
i need to take myself away
and go
somewhere new
somewhere to lay myself down
flat against this earth so I can breathe
again
just please
don't scream my child
your wasting your oxygen
and your life still
crying over him
So don't shed a tear
little one
not even once
even though their words keep your lungs weighed down  
and
even though he pins you
down on the ground
just
choke on your fingers and cram them past your tongue
and try to breathe with a smile on your face
and a heavy heart in your hands.
robin May 2016
cracked salty lips
kiss
   interlaced
                finger to finger
i can almost smell
the     apathy
from here .

can feel your hot breath
tickle
my skin
all my hairs   stand on  
  end
waiting
   watching
warm
      but only for a moment
amused
             i smile
but only for a moment
.
robin Jun 2023
sometimes i forget about you
but then i am reminded by the bitter winds that swept through these woods
just how cold and lonely it felt
to walk among you for years and never be acknowledged for my worth
just a stranger walking on the other side of the  sidewalk, passing you by
even if you want to blame me
i will not let myself forget how i tried for years to warm you up with the glow of my light, my laughter, my love and energy
but you chose to dim it instead

i should have left this place years ago but my bare feet stayed rooted firmly in the ground for the sake of loyalty
in two years time, though just as i remember those things i will also remember today

learning to choose myself even on the days i don’t want too
turning to face the sun
spinning on my heels
and not looking back
robin May 2016
What does it matter
robin Dec 2016
i cracked my phone screen
on the sidewalk
busted my knuckle in the shower
im just a little lady
blown into a different horizon
but to them im an object of objectification  
a race into who gets into my pants first
guess this is what i get
guess this is  
all youre good for
face shoved in the dirt
just another *******
my life meaningless
because I have a pretty face
social outcast
I want to punch you in the face

just  a stupid ***** typing out stupid lies
on a pixelated piece of paper
my analogies are dumb
my life pointless .
robin Aug 2016
i still wish for your sloppy kisses
                    sometimes
on my
left
earlobe
softly
like rain
barely touching grass
so very gentle
youre uncertain if its even real.
robin Mar 2016
there are apples on that tree no one picks anymore
because there
are worms
hidden inside the green grannies skin
who's ugly within
but you don't know how to fix her
robin Jul 2019
kiss me soft. kiss me soft like midnight rain.
barely there
absent most of the time
actually
hardly there in the head
in your head
only in your head
could you exist perfectly
everywhere else you're a mess
let's face the facts the line ends exactly where it started
everything is just simply a beginning and an end

fix my mind
make me a happy child with a wildflower soul
fasten a sunflower mane around the nape of my neck with a safety pin
safe, keep me safe in the dark hours of the night
hold me while i cry out to yesterday
as i remember all the times that slipped through my fingers

break my spine in two, make music for us to dance to by the fire
and i will tell you the whispers of the world  

hold me where your heart is, show me the way, into you.
robin Jun 2016
swollen fists
swooping down like swallows
to kiss your pond water skin
the ripples transcend
as your knuckles rip through  
to the bottom
of
the pond
that's filled to the brim with laughter
that's full of tears.
robin May 2019
write me a song
of mean words
to dance around my head at night
tell me i’m stupid
because i think differently from you
tell me to shut up when i say something you don’t like
tear me down when i don’t act like the person you want me to be
it’s a blind fist fight
but neither of us win
we just punch holes in the drywall
you just leave and slam the door
how can I grow in the places that I need too if you just cut me down.
#realtionship #lonely #sad #idontknowhowtofixitanymore
robin Sep 2017
ive been trying
to build a boat that we cant sink out of broken bottles and moldy cigarettes
you think matching tattoos will fix it
you say "what about we get away for awhile"
but i dont think wed be running from the same thing
you said you're fast
but i have stamina
im trying to keep us both from running to the brink
that place you cant get back from
im trying to inject pins and needles into your bloodstream so the numbness of your heart is a distant memory
im trying to power a steam train that only goes in one direction
stop it
from going through the hole in the tracks
the bottomless pit  
moon crater holes in your skull where my words gracefully slip through
and sentences fall to their deaths into oblivion
id say we were doomed to fail but im not a pessimist
you and your swiss cheese heart
that reeks of neglect and bittersweet flesh;
what if we run into each other twenty years in the future
on a random sunny day and we both have kids
and we both say hi in the supermarket
and you laugh because my hair is long even though i always insisted on keeping it short
what if you shook my hand and we just melted into on another like clay
and
we cohered
that day in the supermarket
and we never came apart besides that day we did
and i left you for a beaten back bushy trail
that goes all the way to new mexico
because i never took the time to know myself before i got to know you
and you left me
because you insisted i left you for another man
what if i left you a note on your nightstand
what if i told you i built the boat
could we leave out pasts behind us? would we have that itching feeling to reminisce?
what if in another alternate dimension we weren't really us
what if we met on a different day where we experienced the chain of events that took place in a different order
would i even have a boat?
could i float
without
your hand
outstretched to
hold me
.
robin Dec 2015
december first is the day where i push everyone else away
and die alone in the downtrodden
snow.
robin Jun 2016
tear the hair out of your roots
out of
the soil
sitting atop your head
  
   careful
though
as to not rip any of the veins
that are so intricately packed together
inside your
rubberband ball
       brain

  
you must slowly unravel
yourself
to get
       free
again.
robin Dec 2015
wild waves fade like the curly cues in your hair
urges are kept under the staircase
and the tips of your
fingernails.
winter worries
wonder if you're good enough to carry on.
but you carry on
still.
you walk barefoot
through the pine cones
and underbrush
to meet her.
the one who you once felt was the same.

hello familiar friend.
you are a stranger now.
robin Mar 2016
if everything was the same wouldn't we still be
******* on the
crack pipe
held between our teeth
and wouldn't you still be picking the gum out of the cracks in the
sidewalk
to show me the biggest piece with pride on your face
and wouldn't we still be ******* on that **** stained mattress
and wouldn't you still
*** in my mouth
and taste like
whiskey
and wouldn't we still be laughing at all the kids who thought they were cooler then us
holding each other's hands
all the time
except your hands were two times the size  of mine
traveling to new places
in your
broken down ford
with cow horns on the front
spray painted tan
to look
like trash
and wouldn't we still be breaking down old buildings
and causing trouble
but couldn't we still appreciate the good things in life
like we use too after
a long day of making the world a worse place
i remember us
spray painting the sky
pink and orange
and
i think of it now as a way to apologize for the damage we did
and ******* it
we were both so disgusting
but i loved the sounds you made before you came
is that why i still think of you?
or is it because i know you won't fit with anyone else like you did with me?
people like us
we use and
we abuse
and we throw away
but i didn't get a chance to treat you like trash before i became the waste basket.
and
no matter what you say
you will always be a greasy sheep
like me
the question is are you
ready
to face
the worlds inferno?

i just hope we can go to hell
together
still smiling like we use
too

even though
we
are just wolves
pretending
to be
in love.
at least in my mind
  we will die bravely
for our
cause.
robin Jan 2016
so small was i then
didn't hear a sound
even though
us pinecones
fell from the trees
with lots to say
but i was born deaf
could only hear
the pitter patter of your footsteps in the distance
you were always too far away
always too far ahead
and
i had
wet earth eardrums
back in those summer days
kept em
clogged up with your singsong sanctity
and all the suffocating weeds i let grow over my adolescent tailbone
and who woulda thought
i would've ended up
with raven black hair
and who woulda thought
id be kissing this town goodbye
before you said your sorry and meant it
and who woulda thought i'd still be alive today
seventeen and still counting down from a hundred
just another old soul with worn out shoes
i'm 153 in dog years
but im still breathing
so that makes me a tree
a tree with 153 rings
that lived to tell the tale
of the lonely lumberjack
who didnt know how to
love.
i am happy today
though
throughout it all
now that ive unearthed my ears from the years of catacomb kisses
and broken free of pesticide restraints  
my smile and my spine will kiss the sun.
all i ask is
am i taller than you now?

— The End —