So many people
floating eyes
and changing emotions
smoke swirling in the air
casting a shadow
over the waterfalls
hiding in plain sight
with lingering smog
mixed ideas
and confused looks
lead to silent nights
streams of embers
where nothing matters much
and things fade slowly
beneath the broken sign to the left
where people disappear
and souls wander.

All I have left is ideas
and scars of the past
and a waiting for whatever it is
a longing soul wishes for

Oh, What a life I lead.

When you don't sleep
Thing start changing
Everything mushes into one
Everyone melts togther
And no one matters
Not that they mattered in the first place
But they don't matter anymore
Nothing matters
No thoughts or memories
Nothing
Not even the finishing of this
Stupid ******* thing
That doesn't even matter.

A longing soul is not one to choose

Being in a state of lonelyness,
Where there is a constant reminder of how hurtful the world and other people can be,
I forget to be cautious when it come to love
I forget that Its something so fragile.

I loved you in a way friends should
I enjoyed our time together
And while ws were together
You were the only one
But I had feelings for another
And the thought of being with anyone before leaving
Was terrifying
So I hid those feelings from myself
And from you too.

But something happened before my journey
That I didn't expect
And what happened is my secret to tell
And my truth
And if you ask nicely
I can tell you the whole truth.
Not a hand me down wonder or thought
But the full truth.

When we grow older will we forget each other?

A question that has buzzed around in my head
beating on my insides
but I am a Capricorn
so I turn around
and avoid that door of thoughts.
and yet those thoughts linger
every time I see you dancing to your own rhythm
and singing your own songs
being who you want to be
and not taking **** from anyone
Those thoughts I hide away
creep out and sink its teeth into
my mind.
~
I never told you how much
I envy you.
your passion is beyond anything I was capable of
and even though it was enough for only one
you still shared with me
and even though you think you are more dependent on me
than I, on you
I would not be the same without you
I would not be who I am today
without you
and even though we can talk about anything and everything
I still cannot show you or tell you the honor I feel
and the love I have that we created
a thing that we call
being best friends.
~
I remember the beginning
starting with an acquaintanceship
in the 6th grade
two stupid kids trying to live a life of homework
and social anxieties
we had this energy together
a connection
that even now I can't explain
and from that acquaintanceship
bloomed a beautiful rose
of a friendship
and from there with the help of six years
a few tears and bruises,
laughs, swears and punches,
compliments and insults,
sleepovers, pillow fights
sneaking out and stories,
and way to many insides jokes,
movie-a-thons, magic tricks,
boys and girls and family,
ripped clothes and naked kids,
bare feet, sun dresses,
cell phones and tree branches,
over exaggerations and airplanes,
travels and sitting on the couch,
stupid questions and stupid answers,
life long lessons and underwear,
Those countless kids, those countless creeps,
drinking, smoking and being sober
and some much more
our friendship became something I never thought I could have
a best friend.
not a normal friend but
a sister I never had.
a person I could always count on.
unlike the countless others in my life.
a person I could/will trust forever.
unlike anyone I know.
someone I can tell my life too
without a second though.
someone I can sing with
knowing I am safe.
someone I can dance with
without feeling weird.
and someone I can do anything and everything with.
and then some.
and with that
I am extremely happy,
extremely lucky and
completely satisfied
that I spent six years of my life with the name of
your best friend.
I love you
and I aways will.


And no.
I would never, ever forget you.
Not in a million years.